Buffy fanfiction; Willow fanfiction; Buffy slash
Mr. Whedon owns these characters. I'm just borrowing
them for a little while.
PG-13 (a little sexy stuff but nothing
10 years has passed since Willow outted herself to her
friends and a desperate situation leads to a not so
unexpected discovery for Willow and Buffy. Like the
story? Feed the bard! email@example.com.
It's all making sense.
It took me long enough to reach this point. Just one
kiss; that's all it took.
We got a tip that the
recent baddie in town liked to hang out at the Red
Oyster bar. I chuckled when I first heard the name,
which drew a complete blank for Xander and Buffy –
neither of them had heard of it. The Red Oyster bar you
see is the local gay bar…Okay so there's no 'official'
gay bar in Sunnydale. That would be far too progressive
for this town. But they are gay friendly with lots of
'mixed couples', much like the Bronze on certain days of
the week. However straight folks, although welcome, are
the minority at the Big O as it's been nicknamed.
I knew the three of us
would 'blend' so I had no quips about going. Xander,
although mega supportive of my life, still had concerns
– maybe its doubts about his own preferences but I
wasn't about to play armchair psychologist with him.
Anyway, he was worried that he would have to fend off
sex-starved men who dressed like the Village People. Of
course I chastised him for his stereotyping but I gave
him the low-down – 'Tell them your flattered but
you're straight and not interested. They'll appreciate
Buffy seemed intrigued
about going but I chocked it up to interest about MY
life. We never really sat down and had a heart to heart
talk about just what my choices in life meant on a
grander scale. It was always about the here and now.
How's 'fill in the blank with the latest gal's name'?
Where you going this weekend? Which spell did you and
the misses try this week? Stuff like that. Our
conversations weren't heavy with things like do you get
scared about showing affection in public? Do you plan to
have kids someday and if so, how? At times, do you feel
like an outsider to the rest of the world? Nothing like
that ever came up since I outted myself to Buffy ten
I wasn't offended
because I knew why. Buffy lives in the here and
now. She often considered that she didn't have much of a
future and voiced it regularly. Her life expectancy
giving her 'profession' wouldn't allow for long-term
plans so she never made any of her own. As a result she
never asked us about our own. I think it made things
easier for her if she didn't have to focus on the long
road ahead as much as where her feet where at the
moment. Xander and I never complained. We still don't.
ago, I imagined Tara and I growing old together – gray
hairs and arthritis – living someplace warm like South
Beach, Florida. She would be my first, my last, my
always. Perhaps that was silly of me because when you
decide to dedicate your life to the Slayer you take a
chance. Tara took a chance in knowing me but she didn't
mind the stakes. I remember one night we were in bed. I
told her that my life was dangerous. She told me that
loving me was worth the risk. I told her we might die
someday. She told me, we all die someday. But as long as
it was in my arms, that was fine by her. I never dreamed
in my darkest nightmares that would become the reality.
And I never imagined that I could become the latest 'big
bad' that the Slayer had to face as a result.
I've often wondered
if…if maybe she'd waited…if she waited just a few
more days to return to me . . . Tara would be alive. Not
so much for my sake but for hers. She was a beautiful
human – inside and out and that light went out far too
earlier. And it went out because of me. Yeah I know I
didn't pull the trigger but it's a feeling of guilt by
association. We all felt it actually. But I told them
what Tara had said. I sometimes doubt though if she
really meant it. If I'm lucky enough to get to Heaven
that will probably be the first thing I ask…was it
worth it? I just hope she says yes.
Months later after
Tara's death, Dawn came across a book. 'Reviving the
Dead 101' basically - a way to bring back the dead who
died by human and not mystical means. It was the hardest
choice I ever had to make in my life. But I couldn't
make the same mistake I made with Buffy. I couldn't rip
my angel from Heaven. I loved her enough to let her go.
Dawn was upset with me at first. She said a lot of
stupid things teenagers say when they're upset and
apologized for them later. But it still cut – it cut
deep. I took solace in the fact that eventually Dawn
understood. Tara was my girl but I couldn't drag her
back to earth to satisfy me or Dawn or anybody. If I had
known Buffy had gone to a better place instead of a hell
dimension…as hard as it is to say…I would have let
her go too. And I would have continued to fight with the
scoobies to our deaths.
Xander thinks that
when you're truly destined to die you will. Nothing can
change that. So regardless of whether Tara came back he
feels she still would have lost her life that day. He
may have a point. I mean…there are many, many times
that any one of us should be pushing up the daisies but
here we still are, almost fifteen years later from our
Sunnydale High years. Buffy at 32 is the oldest living
Slayer in history. Still beautiful; still strong. She
teases me about my tiny crow's feet, which are starting
to show, but I don't mind. I tell her it's from years of
smiling and she really needs to look in the mirror too
now and then. I'm not the only one who isn't getting any
younger. Anyway, I try my best to believe Xander's
theory…to think otherwise, to think that Tara died
because of me, is just too damn painful.
I moved on after Tara.
I didn't think it was possible but as clichéd as it
sounds time heals all wounds …Let's see…there was
Trisha, Denise, Barbara, Tiffany, Rachel…oh and Jan...
I'm sure I'm forgetting a few others here and there. The
latest and probably worst was Jan. All my relationships
ended for one reason or another but Jan was the only one
who voiced an ultimatum.
'Your friends or me'
she said one night. Needless to say, she lost.
As a result I had
'dyke' tattooed across my BMW in spray paint and various
windows smashed in the Summer's home. Buffy was ready to
kill her but I talked her out of it…barely. When we
started getting the harassing phone calls at all hours
of the day and night that's when Buffy decided to visit
her. She promised she wouldn't kill her; she just wanted
to reason with her. Although I know how Buffy can
'reason' at times, enough was enough and I let Buffy go.
She never mentioned what happened but I did notice Jan
at the Bronze soon after with her arm in a sling…We
never got another phone call after that…Maybe it's
It was around college
graduation that things came into focus even more but I
shrugged it off.
I was offered a job
with a leading software manufacturer as a programming
troubleshooter. My degree didn't mean nearly as much as
my hacker skills it seemed but having that piece of
paper did help I'm sure. $300,000 a year to start, full
benefits, bonus, profit sharing, you name it. Buffy was
immediately concerned that I would be leaving. There was
no logical reason for me to stay. The thought of leaving
hadn't actually entered my mind until she asked what my
plans were now that I was 'set'. I told her I still
wanted to stay but if she thought I should move out I
would. Well that's not exactly true. I didn't finish the
sentence before she started apologizing, saying that she
wasn't giving me the boot. In fact it was the opposite -
she did want me to stay. But she understood if I wanted
a life of my own. It was at that point that I first
realized our lives were intertwined.
We were a family. It
was true that Dawn was in college, with her own life,
but still I wanted to be there…just in case. Besides
hearing the door open in the earlier morning hours,
knowing that Buffy survived another 'night on the job',
was better than sitting in my own apartment waiting
until sunrise to make a phone call. At least that's what
I told myself at the time. When I looked deeper I
realized it was much more than convenience that kept me
there although I had the means to leave.
It wasn't until the
incident at the Red Oyster that things really came into
perspective. But even prior to that night, I began to
realize that with each new woman that popped up in my
life over the years Buffy always had a problem with them
– too tall, too talkative, too clumsy, too blonde, you
name it. Nobody was good enough for me. I figured maybe
she was holding onto Tara in some way. I know that Buffy
cared for Tara. Hell she even confided things in Tara
that she didn't confide in me, her best friend. Maybe no
woman would ever be as good as Tara. But that night at
the Red Oyster something changed…forever.
Like I said, we were
tracking the newest 'addition' to the Sunnydale line-up.
Buffy wanted to stay…undercover. By undercover she
didn't want the demon knowing that she was trying to
stake him out…no pun intended.
The demon's name was
Marlrid – a real scumbag – although he appeared
human. He got his kicks (and power) by picking a victim
and harassing them relentlessly. He couldn't just go for
the kill because the more fear and injury he instilled,
the greater his strength became. So he returned to the
same victim over and over again. Xander joked that maybe
he was related to Jan. I had to admit that made me
So to the bar we went.
Since Xander was still 'worried' about being someone's
boy toy, I issued Buffy and Xander to the dance floor.
If they were together then chances are neither of them
wouldn't get hit on. As they took to the room's center,
I talked with Cody who ran the bar. I asked if she'd
heard of a guy named Marlrid but she couldn't help. I
went out to the floor and told them the news. From there
we decided to split up and search the room.
After a few minutes we
found nothing and met back at the small hallway near the
entrance where a variety of people were coming and
going. Suddenly Buffy's eyes got wide as she watched
Marlrid walk in with two 'friends'. We had to hide her
somewhere, somehow but there was nowhere to duck.
Quickly I turned to Xander and order him to tell us when
he had passed us. I don't think Buffy even knew what hit
her at first. I bent her body back slightly and kissed
her, my long red hair spilling around her face,
shrouding her features. She stiffened at first but
became more relaxed the longer I spent nipping at her
lower lip. Suddenly I felt her hand cup the back of my
head. The next sensation was her lips rising to meet
mine. Instantly, Xander came to mind. Yes the oddest of
moments I know. But I remembered what it felt like when
I kissed him after my long-standing secret admiration
was realized. I thought it was the greatest rush I'd
ever feel. Turns out, I was wrong.
When Buffy return the
kiss, quicksilver shot to my center and the demon in the
hall was forgotten for the moment. And as her tongue
tentatively slipped past her lips to brush against my
own, asking for permission, I felt my legs weaken in an
instant. Not only did I give her permission but welcomed
it. I began to suck on the offered tongue and I heard a
soft moan escape. Whether it was from she or I, to be
honest, I couldn't tell. In truth, I didn't care. I
couldn't sustain her weight anymore and I brought her
upright again, my body pinning hers to the wall. She
felt toned but supple as my body melded against hers. I
felt her pelvis thrust forward, only slightly, and it
was the only invitation I needed. I moved my thigh
between her legs, giving her the contact it was obvious
that her body craved. My hands reached up both sides of
her face. Perhaps it was reactionary. Maybe somewhere in
my aroused mind I still knew I had to keep her hidden
– always playing the faithful 'scoobie'.
She felt soft. So
delicate. I'd never felt another woman as soft as Buffy,
except for one – Tara. I think it was that moment that
I knew…if anyone would ever take Tara's place in my
life it was the woman I was kissing at the moment –
the woman who, I should add, was kissing me back.
That fact hit me hard,
shaking me from my rapture, pulling me from those sweet
lips. I realized that it had been quite sometime now and
Xander still hadn't said anything. Tentatively I looked
around but no Marlrid. I looked to Xander. Speechless
would be a good descriptor of his expression. I snapped
my fingers to get his attention and he shook his head,
his mind coming back to the hallway. 'Sorry,' he told
us, 'I just went off to far-away, magical place for a
moment.' I rolled my eyes. Men.
I turned back to Buffy.
She looked nervous muttering something about taking
Marlrid down as she went back inside the bar. I looked
to Xander who just shrugged before we followed her
inside. To make a long story short (too late I know),
Buffy took Marlrid out that night and we headed back
home. Xander dropped us off and wordless we went inside.
She sat down on the sofa and turned the television on. I
knew I had to say something, anything. I walked over and
picked up the remote turning the television off. She
looked at me but didn't say anything.
I told her we needed
to talk about what happened in that hallway. She avoided
it at first, trying to act nonchalant – there was
nothing to discuss she said. She tried to go into the
kitchen but I rose and grabbed her by the waist. Our
bodies shook at the impact as I brought her back against
me. I never realized how well we fit together physically
until I leaned around to whisper in her ear.
I asked her if it was
only me; was I reading too deeply into what happened? I
asked her if I imagined her kissing me back in the
hallway. She was quiet for a long moment. Finally she
whispered, no. I asked if given the chance would she
kiss me again. She said she didn't know. She felt
confused all night she told me. Slowly I let her go, my
fingertips brushing her hips. I told her I would give
her time to figure it all out.
I walked to the
staircase. Slowly, I turned to her and the tears she had
in her eyes caught me off guard. They weren't tears of
joy or pain. They were tears of fear. I could always
tell when the Slayer was scared – petrified. What she
experienced now with me, her best friend, scared her
more than the vamps she faced on a nightly basis. It was
ironic in a way – the red-haired, computer geek hacker
had the power to make the strongest woman on earth
I knew she needed
something more as I watched her from the lading. So I
told her it was finally making sense. The reason for all
the disastrous relationships I got into, the reason I
sat up – sometimes until dawn – waiting for her to
come home, the reason I continued to stay in a house
when I could afford to be on my own. It all made sense
now. Yeah it took 15 years but damn it I got there.
The reason was simple.
The reason was her.
I told her I was sorry
that my admiration upset her but I would never be sorry
for the admiration. And I told her regardless of what
she decided to do with these facts I would stick by her
if that's what she wanted. And if that was too much
then…I'd go away. Because I knew first
hand…sometimes you had to give up the things you love
most in the world because it's best for them.
The climb upstairs was
a rough one and the longest I'd ever taken in that
house. I put it all out for Buffy to see. Suddenly I was
the one, much like Buffy, living in the present. It was
now or never. I knew that. She knew it too. I got
comfortable on my bed with a spell book, but my mind
couldn't comprehend a single page. I got up again and
decided to find something else to look at when I heard
her voice in the doorway.
'You're right. About
everything,' she told me. 'It's odd but ever since
you've gotten your job I've been worried that you'd
leave.' I reassured her that I wouldn't and she raised
her hand to make me stop. 'Let me get this out okay?'
she asked. I simply nodded and she continued. 'When you
came to me and told me about Tara, about how you fell in
love with her and it took you by surprise I've felt the
same lately. Okay, maybe it's been longer than lately',
she grinned. 'Point is you said you didn't fall for a
gender. You fell for a person. I realized that what we
have it's more than gender. It's deeper. Way deeper than
that. So tonight when you kissed me I reacted. To be
able to express that bond of depth in a physical way
was…intense…So like usual when things get intense I
I watched as her
bottom lip began to quiver. 'Help me from running,' she
said softly. 'Show me I'm not the only one in love
I smiled and walked
over. My hands reached up and stroked her face. 'I'll
prove it,' I told her as she closed her eyes, savoring
my touch. She grinned and opened her eyes.
'You've been proving
it for nearly 15 years now Will,' she told me. 'Every
mission. Every battle…Tonight I want you to show me.'
And show her, I did.
Repeatedly. In a variety of ways.
Thank Gaia for the
magic. I don't think I'd be able to keep up with the
Slayer strength and stamina any other way. Finally,
around dawn, she fell asleep, wrapped in my arms.
Contentment was something I hadn't felt in years but she
brought that back to me. It took me long enough to reach
that point. But just one kiss; that's all it took.
Finally I knew…it's all making sense.
Check out the NC-17