Interview With a Vampire
Buffy fanfiction; Willow fanfiction; Angel fanfiction
Joss owns 'em. Just borrowing them.
Willow/Angel (but just in a friendly way)
PG (Adult themes)
After Willow's return from England at the end of season
six she seeks out advice from someone whose fought
darkness and won.
With a Vampire
Willow walked into
Angel Investigations, taking everything in. The dead
guy seemed to be doing pretty well for himself she
surmised as she walked deeper into the building, a grin
on her face. She watched as the receptionist rose to her
feet, making her way over. Cordelia Chase. So it was
true that Cordi was still working for Angel. She halted
her steps and let Cordelia make the rest of the journey
help….you? Willow Rosenberg?" At first, Cordi
wasn't sure if she was looking at the same mousy,
boyfriend stealing….She told herself to calm down. It
was years ago. Ancient history. She was over it all.
"What happened to the bibs?" she asked as she
took notice of Willow's apparel. She walked over and
fingered the sleeve of Willow's black silk blouse.
up," Willow nodded. "So…How have you been
"Not really. Just
"In any case, I'm
good – no thanks for asking." Cordelia turned her
back and started to walk back to her desk. Willow
"I'm here to see,
Angel. He around?"
Buffy's in trouble somehow?"
"No. Everyone is
doing fine…for the most part. I just came to
visit," Willow answered. Tara's dead, I pretty
much killed the trust I spent years developing with
people I love and almost ended the world. …But other
than that, things are good.
"He should be
"Mind if I wait?
I should warn you I plan to wait regardless of your
Cordelia smirked at
her defiance. "Well, since saying yes is pointless
would you like some coffee?"
good," Willow answered. The front door opened and
both women turned to see Angel and Gunn walk inside.
"Speak of the
devil," Cordelia muttered. "Angel? You have a
Angel cocked his head
at first. He'd seen that woman before, but it wasn't
until he got closer that he knew for sure. "Hey
Willow!" he said pulling her into a hug. Quickly,
he lost his happy expression. "Oh god is
"Fine. The gang's
fine I just came to talk with you if you don't
mind." Willow saw Gunn to Angel's right and offered
her hand. "You must be Gunn."
is it?" he asked shaking her hand. Willow nodded.
"Nice to meet you face-to-face."
Willow just grinned
and nodded politely, but Angel felt something underneath
the grin that he couldn't explain.
"Why don't we go
grab a couple of coffee's?" Angel told her before
turning to Cordelia. "We'll be back in
awhile," he nodded. Wrapping his arm around her
hip, he led her outside.
"So that's Willow
Rosenberg? She doesn't look the way Angel described
her," he mentioned Cordelia.
"Don't get any
ideas. You're not her type."
+ + + +
"Okay, I've bored
you long enough with my tales. Tell me what brings you
all the way to L.A.?" Angel asked.
Willow wasn't sure
where to start. She wasn't exactly sure why she came to
Angel in the first place, but then she realized.
"Solace," she answered.
"Well, you know
I'll give whatever support I can," he answered.
contacted you? About me, I mean?"
"I got a letter
from Xander. Why?"
"I thought maybe
Buffy might have told you."
"Told me what
exactly? The brooding, cryptic talk is my forte,
remember?" He grinned warmly.
Willow grinned too,
but as they walked along the smile faded. "Tara, my
girlfriend...she's dead. Murdered." Willow
continued walking, but Angel stopped immediately. Willow
turned to face him.
"I heard. And I'm
so sorry Willow. I didn't want to bring it up
Willow nodded. "I understand. It's not easy to talk
about…You know Angel…we spend all this time battling
monsters and demons and the deadliest creature of all
turns out to be a human…We never even saw it
Angel closes the short
distance between them and starts to rub her arms.
"Come on," Angel nodded. "Coffee shops
not that far away. We'll talk there."
+ + + +
Willow took a sip of
her coffee and looked at Angel. "Can I ask you
"When you became
Angel again after being Angelus… again… How did you
"I'm not sure I'm
"I mean, you had
goodness restored within yourself and you realized all
the pain you caused Buffy, Giles…All of us…How did
you deal with that? Knowing that you killed people and
hurt them, how did you make it through?"
Angel took a drink of
his coffee and sat it back down. "You killed the
man that shot Tara, didn't you?"
"I thought they
told you," Willow remarked.
everything," Angel admitted.
"How did the
others find out?"
"They watched me
"I'm not...Yes I
am...Then again..." Willow took a sip. "It's
all pretty confusing. I mean, I'm sorry I had to be the
one to kill him. I'm sorry they all had to watch it –
even Anya too," Willow managed with a half grin.
"But I'm not sorry he's dead. He hurt Buffy. Killed
Tara. Who knows who he might have hurt next. And I hope
he spends eternity in a hell dimension being tortured.
Makes me pretty evil, doesn't it?"
"You lost someone you loved because of him. Between
us, if anything ever happened to you, Buffy, Cordi, any
of the gang – old and new…I can't say I'd have much
sympathy for the guilty party."
"Even if that
someone who did the inflicting was me?" she asked.
"Did you hurt
them Willow? Like I said, they didn't tell me
Willow rubbed her
forehead. "I think I should go back a few steps…I
started getting into heavier magics – black stuff and
some nasty spells. Tara couldn't take it and left me
because I couldn't stop. Not long after I met up with a
guy named Rack."
evil, scary dude," Willow nodded. "I killed
him too for his magic when I got all veiny... Anyway, I
couldn't get enough of it. He sent me on trips that were
unbelievable. And one night when I needed a fix I took
Dawn with me."
"You took Dawn to
"What can I say?
I was an addict. I still am in some ways," Willow
answered. "Later that night, I was flying pretty
high when I got behind the wheel of a car with her.
Totaled the car, broke Dawn's arm. Lucky for us, Buffy
and Spike were nearby. And at that point, I just broke
down. I don't remember what Buffy said to me. I don't
remember what I said. I just remember the look in her
eyes – total, utter hatred. She wasn't just mad. She
really hated me. It was fitting I guess. I hated
myself…I just collapsed physically and mentally. I
just fell all apart inside and out."
Angel watched the far
off look in Willow's eyes, but waited for her to
continue. His heart went out to the young woman. Out of
all of them, next to Buffy, he knew she had the stuff to
be a leader. Sure, she was quiet and timid for the most
part, but once she was inspired either by love or anger
she was always a force to reckon with. Angel knew as he
listened to her story now, he was right…and in the
worst of ways, he was sure.
"Anyway, I knew I
couldn't quit on my own. I begged Buffy to help me.
Spike saw to Dawn and Buffy took me home. I just kept
crying and crying. I couldn't stop. She dressed me for
bed and held me until I cried myself to sleep. The next
day she and Dawn came in and I told them what to take.
Buffy even took out stuff that was her mothers because
it had 'magic capabilities'. So I quit cold turkey.
Later that night, the withdrawals started – the
sweats, the shakes…it was really…bad… I was awake
all night long and I kept repeating the same thing over
in my head 'You don't need magic. You don't need magic'.
I made it through three nights like that until it
finally started to subside."
"Did you tell
them? About the withdrawal?"
"Buffy knew. The
second night she came into the room and kept a cold
washcloth on my head. But it got better. On the fourth
night I didn't shake or sweat. But the days …the days
were rougher because I wasn't as tired. I was more awake
and alert. I'd want to slip back into my old habits, but
I held on. I had to. I had so much at stake. Tara had
moved out by then and I almost lost my family, you
Angel simply nodded.
"Anyway, I'd been
'sober' for a couple of months. And I finally got the
nerve to ask Tara out for coffee. She'd still kept in
contact with Dawn, Buffy too actually, so she knew what
had happened and she knew I'd been straight…well ,you
know what I mean?" Willow grinned.
Angel gave a snort as
he smiled. "Go on."
"So we went out
for coffee. She flirted with me. I flirted with her. It
felt good. And I thought maybe things could work out.
Maybe I could get her back too. I didn't need the magic
I thought. She might actually love me for me. Later that
night, I was up in my room and she came to me. She told
me that we couldn't just have coffee and expect
everything to be like it was. At first, I didn't know
what to say. I mean, I agreed with her. I'd done a lot
of damage and if she were asking for time then I'd give
it to her. I'd wait forever for her. She was my girl,
you know? I loved her more than life, Angel. I really
did. Most people say that, but…for the first time in
my life, I really felt it. She was my everything."
Willow let out a sigh
and Angel reached over taking Willow's hand in his.
"So what happened?"
"Anyway, she gave
me this speech about time and patience and needing to
regain trust, which I agreed with if that's what she
needed. But then she asked me if we could just skip it
and could I just be kissing her instead." Willow
began to blush. "Needless to say, I obliged. And by
morning I had my girl back." Willow's grin faded
away quickly however and her voice grew softer. "By
the next afternoon, she was dead…A stray bullet came
through the window…I heard the noise…I watched her
blue blouse get this dark circle…The last words she
ever spoke to me was 'Your shirt?'."
Angel looked confused.
"Well, when the
bullet past through her it, shot blood all over the
place. All over my white shirt. I looked down and saw
the red dots all over it and that's when she started to
drop. It was so quick. It happened in an instant. She
was alive one second and dead the next.
I picked her up and
started to scream for her. But she was gone. For the
first time in months, I called on the magics. I wanted
to bring her back. She just came into my life again. She
couldn't be gone…When I couldn't do it, when I
couldn't bring her back… something inside
just…snapped…It was like the world slipped away. And
when I finally made it downstairs I saw Xander. He said
Buffy had been shot. I asked who did it. He said Warren.
So I just walked down the street toward the Magic Box
and well…as for the rest…beating the hell out of
Buffy and Giles…Xander saving the day…Giles packing
me off to England."
Angel held up his
finger. "I was with you until the Giles/England
"After I came
back from the temple with Xander, I was pretty out of
it, like I was comatose or something. It was like I
could hear them and see them but I just couldn't reply.
What could I say? Sorry for thrashing you within inches
of your life? Sorry I destroyed your business Anya? You
know Buffy I'm real sorry I kicked your ass? There
wasn't anything I could say – nothing I could do.
I just remember Giles
walking into my room and telling me to pack a suitcase.
He and I were leaving – that same afternoon. Next
thing I know we're on a plane to England. I thought he
was going to kill me over there. I really did. But soon
I realized that wasn't the case. So then I thought maybe
I was going into some mystical 'detox' program – like
a Betty Ford clinic Wiccan style. But instead of detox,
it was more of a rehab center…teaching me even more
about magics than I ever knew. Showing me light and
dark, trying to help me balance it. Giles says it's a
part of me now. I'll never be able to lose that magic so
I have to learn how to control it, making me the master
of it, instead of it mastering me.
So what I'm looking
for now Angel is solace. None of them can give me
that…I've wronged them all…Maybe you can give me
some direction on what to do?…Where do I go from here?
I'm living in Buffy's house now but part of me still
isn't able to face them. I see them everyday but part of
me still hides, you know?…I don't know if that makes
"It makes perfect
sense. You've hurt the ones you loved most in the world.
You betrayed Tara's memory, by not only using the magic,
but inflicting it on the ones you both care about.
You've taken lives…whether innocent or not…It makes
sense…Been there, done that myself."
"Which is why I'm
here," Willow added. "I can't unload to them.
They've never had that kind of darkness in their hearts.
Not the kind that we've experienced. They don't
understand. And I can't expected them to take pity on me
when I'm the one that caused them so much pain…So how
did you deal with it? It was bad when I was in England.
The nightmares that woke Giles up, the memory flashes
that would grip me, the visions of the hellmouth. It's
gotten better, but still…I mean, after you lose your
soul and then regained it, where do you go?"
"Well, to answer
your question, Willow…it just takes time. I mean
you're living at Buffy's, right? So she is talking to
"Yeah they've all
been mega supportive about it all, which to be honest,
makes it feel worse in a certain way. I mean, at least
if they were a little bitter or angry I could take some
comfort that a good flogging could give."
Angel began to
chuckle. "I'm sorry. I'm not laughing at you. I
just understand what you mean. They still love you and
want to take care of you and a part of you wishes they'd
just tie you up for a few hours while they beat you;
punish you. You want them to make you suffer – the way
you made them suffer… But you gotta realize, like you
said, we've got a darkness that they don't have…It's
not their style. And it's hard when you want a little
punishment and all you get is forgiveness."
like…here I am! Shout, scream, bloody my nose a
little, but don't tell me ya love me! I don't want love.
I don't deserve love."
"Yeah, I can
relate…but you know what Willow?"
"You do deserve
Willow rolled her eyes
before taking a drink of her coffee.
"Yeah, what you
did was terrible," Angel told her. "You can't
take it back. But you can move forward. And I'm sure
that the gang isn't looking at your 'lost weekend' as
much as they're looking at the big picture."
kill you because you've done years of research for him,
poured over books for hours on end helping him and his
Slayer. Buffy can't hurt you because she knew you turned
down a shot at any school in the Ivy League or Silicon
Valley to go to Sunnydale U – all because you didn't
want to leave her alone in her Slayer fight. And Xander
- there was a time you were the only friend he had in
this world. You didn't judge him based on what others
thought of him. You loved him for him…It's the big
picture Willow. Yeah, you screwed up. Bad. But we all do
at some point – the living and the 'undead'." He
grinned. "Point is, they love you because you're
pretty easy to love."
"As touching as
that is Angel…You're not helping me here! You're doing
too! Trying to make me feel better."
Angel held up his
hands. "Okay, let me spell it all out for you. I
love you for taking such good care of Buffy all these
years. But so help me if I find out that you've gone on
a black magic bender, I'll be the first one in Sunnydale
to kick your ass into next week. If the Slayer wanted
you dead Willow, magics aside, you'd be dead right now.
She just wanted to stop you. But if you pull that shit
again…I will come…And I will kill you."
"Well, that's a
little bit better," Willow sighed.
"You didn't buy
"Maybe a little.
But I know you'd get there and then you'd run down the
list you just recited and I'd beat your ass too."
Angel shrugged and
took a drink of his coffee. "It was worth a
Willow chuckled before
taking a drink. "Well, thanks for trying."
Angel watched Willow
for a moment. "Look sweetheart, you want answers
that I can't give you. It's something that you're going
to have to come to terms with on your own. You've
acknowledged that you messed up and that's the first
step. They've forgiven you so start forgiving
"Do you follow
that advice?" Willow prodded with a knowing grin.
"I will say I'm
getting better at it, yes. It's taken me decades to get
better at it, but I've got the time," he said as he
grinned before turning serious. "You, however, do
not. So put it behind you. Know that your friends love
you. Let them know that you love them. Things will get
better, I'm sure. You'll be able to face them more each
day… You'll see."
Willow gave a nod as a
small grin formed on her face. "Thanks, Angel. I
time," Willow said looking at her watch, "I
better let you get to work."
"Nah, I better
let you go. Besides, I have to get back to Sunnydale
tonight. I'd like to be home by the time Buffy comes in
welcome to stay. I've got the space."
Willow rose and walked
over to the other side of the table and stroked Angel's
cheek. "For a dead demon, you're pretty
sweet," she whispered.
practice I assure you," he grinned. "And
despite what you think of yourself at the moment
,Willow, you're pretty wonderful too."
he told her.
He watched her walk
toward the entrance. "Hey Will? Remember, I'm just
a phone call away and I'm not afraid of the 'dark'.
She smiled knowingly,
"Me too… Be safe."
Angel grinned. He watched her walk out the door and past
the large bay window. She had a darkness. He could tell.
But despite it all, she also had her light. He knew
whatever lay ahead at the Hellmouth… she would always
have her light.