Title: Changes of Heart Pt. 1

Author: CN Winters

Fandom: Xena Fanfiction, Xena fanfic, Xena fan fiction, Xena and Gabrielle fanfiction, Xena fiction

Rating: PG to NC-17

Disclaimers: These characters aren’t mine. They belong to Mr. Tapert and Co. I’m just borrowing them to vent. It’s not a happy tale and it involves two women who once loved each other deeply. If either of these facts disturb you don’t read this tale. Also it contains spoilers for the last few eps of season five.

Author Note: Like most Xena Gab shippers season five was a joke and the ender, with Xena hitting Gabby in the head with her chakram was the straw that broke the camel's back. I wrote this series in response to my anger and the total character assignation of season five. Enjoy!

Synopsis: Set after the 'Gabchak' at the end of Season Five 'Motherhood', Gabrielle decides her relationship with Xena is too abusive and she decides to leave. Xena is left finding a way for them to reconcile while also getting to know her daughter, Eve. 

Feedback: Drop me a line at cnwinters71@yahoo.com.

Changes of Heart Part I

BETRAYAL

I know what I have to do. I have to leave. Now. This won’t wait until dawn. If morning comes and I’m still here... I know she’ll talk me out of it, the same way she has many times before. Too many times actually.

Gabrielle checked to make sure her sais were in place and with her old satchel in one hand and her bedroll under her arm she walked out of the camp they set up at the beach that evening. Only thing she left behind was a parchment. Scribed inside was a simple statement, ‘I love you, Xena, but my life has no place in yours any longer. I see that now. Goodbye and good luck.’

The chatty bard has finally become the stoic warrior, Gabrielle thought bittersweetly as she had placed the scroll beside Xena. 

But there’s no need to ramble on. She knows. She’s known for quite sometime now where things were heading, but she did nothing to stop it.

And Eve... if she’s not the spiting image of BOTH her mothers... How many times did I wish I had the power to creating another human being with the great warrior princess? How many? 1000? 2000? The honor, however, went to Callisto, the woman that killed my husband... Xena has her daughter alright and I played no part whatsoever. 

No, Xena didn’t acknowledge that I had a place in Eve’s life. I spent months defending that child, laying my life down for that child, gave her my rite of caste. And what did Xena do? She scoffed at my every attempt in trying to create a family... She said we got OUR daughter back today. But today was just a little too late... Today, like many days this past year, was a living Hell. I can’t live in Hell any longer.

Gabrielle continued her journey down the beach lost in her thoughts. 

I should have left sooner. I should have left in Egypt. Her attraction to Antony was almost more than I could handle. And her betrayal of him... well, let’s just say it didn’t seem all that different than what Caesar had done to her years before - winning her affections and stabbing her in the back. If Caesar was evil for doing that, what did that make Xena? Maybe Najara was right... In fact, maybe I should have left then; made Najara see the err of her ways and build a life together with her instead. 

As Gabrielle continued to walk, she saw another figure heading toward her on the beach. She picked up her pace and within a few 100 yards she recognized the figure. 

And just when I couldn’t feel any worse.

"Hello, Gabrielle. How’s the head?"

Are you really up for chitchat now, Gabrielle? 

"Fine," she replied. "I didn’t get the chance to thank you earlier. You didn’t have to heal me too, but you did." Gabrielle looked at the former god of war and began to grin. Look at that. He’s blushing. Ha ahh.

Ares played nervously with the scruff on his face. 

"Yeah, well ... You and Xena are a package deal and I accept that now. In fact, I think it sounds pretty damn interesting."

Oh jeez, Gabrielle thought as she watched Ares’ mind going off... imagining... well... she didn’t want to know precisely what he was imaging, but she had a fair assumption of what Ares found ‘interesting’. She wasn’t going to stick around to find out more.

"Hold up," he shouted and began to walk after her. "Where are you going?"

"I’m leaving."

"Yeah, but you're coming back, right?"

"No. I'm leaving."

"Leaving for good? Just like that? Does Xena know?"

"She’ll learn soon enough. Especially when you go back there, fall on one knee and propose. She’s gotta thing for bad boys Ares, but between you and I, I don’t think Xena’s the marrying kind. You’ll just have to make do as her love toy - the position is official open now."

It took a lot to stun the now mortal god of war, but he looked truly mystified as Gabrielle continued along the beach. 

"Wait a minute," he called jogging up after her. Gabrielle stopped again releasing a long sigh. "You can’t just walk away."

"Yes, I can," Gabrielle countered. "Watch me."

"Hey," he said as he grabbed her arm halting any movement. "Look I’m not good at these sensitive chat things... Where’s Dite when I need her?" he muttered under his breath.

"Right here."

Gabrielle and Ares turned to see a glittering shower quickly transform into the Goddess of Love.

"I’ve been following you for awhile, Ares. You look pretty pathetic by the way," she jabbed.

"Can we put the sib rivalry on hold a moment here?" he asked.

Aphrodite cocked her head and examined Ares. He was actually being... sincere.

"What’s up?" she asked taking a new interest in the conversation.

"She’s leaving Xena," he stated flatly looking for support.

"I don’t blame her," was the response. Ares eyes widened and Gabrielle pointed to Dite in a ‘See? She agrees’ manner.

"Thank you," Gabrielle nodded to Aphrodite. "I’ll be on my way now."

"If you go, it will kill Xena," Ares argued.

Gabrielle continued on her way as she spoke with the siblings who were following her. "Xena’s a strong woman. She hasn’t needed me for sometime now. I, however, will die if I stay with her. You can only survive so many chakrams to the head before you realize enough is enough."

"She was protecting Eve," Ares argued.

Protecting Eve my ASS! 

"I noticed you didn’t get an open head wound for going after Eve so don’t give me that shit, Ares! I don’t believe it for a second!"

Gabrielle picked up the pace while the two of them continued to follow. 

"That was different," she heard Ares whine behind her.

"How so?" Gabrielle countered as she spun around.

Ares immediately looked to Dite, hoping she’d toss him a line. The goddess just folded her arms and smirked. 

"We’re waiting," Dite ribbed her brother.

Ares ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. 

"Women!" he yelled. Gabrielle slapped him in the chest with the back of her hand as they heard the noise vibrate through the area.

"Keep it down. You’ll wake her up," Gabrielle said pointing back to the camp.

Ares got a glimmer in his eyes and Gabrielle regretted putting the idea in his head. She pulled her sais as Ares took a deep breath to yell again.

"Do it and your life as a mortal will be reallllly short."

Dite stepped between them, placing a hand on each of their shoulders. "Settle down boys and girls. Nobody’s gonna start yelling like a child for their warrior princess and nobody is gonna slit the throat of an ex-god, okay? Sheesh!"

"She started it," Ares muttered like a spoiled child.

"This is so idiotic," Gabrielle sighed. "Can I go now?" she asked Dite.

"Look," Dite began speaking to Gabrielle, "I don’t blame you for wanting to leave. There have been many times lately when she’s barely acknowledged you. There have been times when she’s been... less than attentive-."

"Less than attentive? She was willing to walk away from me because I wanted to rule a village and all because she was ‘bored’. Another amazon wanted to be her new ‘sidekick’ and Xena took advantage of that by turning her into a maid for the afternoon, all the while misleading me into thinking she wanted to settle down with me. You call that less than attentive!"

"No. I call that stupid." All three of them turned around to see Xena standing in her battle dress, armorless. "I can’t deny I did all those things. But I also read your scrolls as I had promised. And I came to my senses and realized... I need you in my life."

"You might need me, but you don’t want me," Gabrielle argued. "I don’t think a ‘needy’ relationship is best for either of us, Xena. I want a lover who WANTS me in her life and frankly I’ve felt like a nuisance. I’m tired of feeling like I’m asking too much of you. I’m tired that every attempt I make to get closer is seen as trying to control you or manipulate you. I’m tired of watching you and Eve and feeling like an outsider... That’s a terrible way to live. I can’t live that way any longer."

"We can change things-."

"You said that after we left the amazons remember?... What did I get in return? Huh? A ringside seat to watch you fuck Antony and a chakram upside the head? Pardon me if I’m a little leery with the ‘change things’ attitude. It’s been months, Xena, and nothing’s changed."

"I don’t want you to leave," Xena said trying to step closer.

"It wouldn’t matter if I left," Gabrielle retorted. "That’s the problem. My exist... it doesn’t mean much when it comes to your future."

"Gabrielle, you’re my soulmate," Xena tired in a final attempt.

"We WERE soulmates. But we haven’t been soulmates in a very long time. Apparently souls can have a change of heart too... Goodbye, Xena."

Don’t do it. Don’t start crying now. Just turn and walk away. Keep walking. That’s it. Keep walking. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right... 

Xena imploringly looked at Dite for help, but the goddess showed no sign that she would intervene. Xena realized she’d sealed her own fate and all the potions and spells and arrows weren’t going to change that fact. Besides she’d always wanted the bard's love and not an illusion.

"I’m sorry," Dite offered sincerely before transporting away in a flash of light.

The wind picked up, leaving Xena and Ares alone on the beach. Finally, Ares spoke, "Mind if I camp with you tonight? I’m kind of stuck for a place to stay and I’m not quite sure where I’m going from here."

Xena grinned bittersweetly.

"Come on." She motioned him to follow her. "That makes two of us."

DENIAL

Eve was sitting up in her bedroll as Ares and Xena walked back into the camp.

"What is HE doing here?" she asked unable to show her disgust.

"Try to remember he saved your life," Xena retorted.

"It’s okay," Ares said breaking into the conversation between mother and daughter. "She’s got every right to be angry."

"You’re damn right I do," Eve said as she stood up poking a finger at the former God. "Why in Eli’s name do you keep defending this jackass?" she asked Xena.

Why do I? Xena considered. He’s done more damage than good in my life. But still… 

"He’s down on his luck right now," Xena answered with a sigh. "We’re gonna give him a hand."

"We are, huh?" Eve replied sarcastically. "And what does Gabrielle have to say about…Where is Gabrielle?" Eve said looking around, finally putting her anger with Ares on hold long enough to notice the bard was not present.

"She’s gone," Xena answered softly.

"What do you mean she’s gone?! What happened?!" Eve exclaimed.

Xena opened her mouth to speak, but nothing would come out. She didn’t know where to begin her explanation.

"Is she dead?" Eve asked, terror beginning to fill within her eyes at the thought.

"No," Xena said quickly to calm Eve who was beginning to shake. "She just doesn’t want to travel with us anymore." Xena didn’t add more. Instead, she chose to wait for Eve’s reaction to the news.

She’s gone? Eve thought. How can she be gone? How can she just walk away? I spent 25 years without a mother to finally discover, in truth, I had two... And now one of them is suddenly gone? Perhaps the responsibility was too much? Perhaps... 

"Is it because of me?" Eve asked softly. "Is she leaving because I’m here?"

Xena could have sworn her heart broke at the sob she heard in Eve’s voice. 

"No sweetheart, no. She left because of me."

"And me," Ares said piping into the conversation. Xena looked over to Ares when she heard the less than proud response. "I haven’t been a staunch supporter of your moms' relationship," he told Eve, avoiding eye contact with either woman. "I’ve been very much the adversary more times than I can count."

"Go figure," Eve replied tartly and rolling her eyes.

"Look," Xena replied moving closer to her daughter. "Gabrielle loves you very much and it wouldn’t surprise me if one day she comes back. If not to see me, then at least to see you... Did she tell you that you’re an amazon? That she’s a queen and gave you her rite of caste?"

Eve’s eyes widened at the news and she shook her head no. 

"Well, it’s true," Xena continued with a proud grin. "Gabrielle couldn’t have loved you more than if she had given birth to you. I was too preoccupied or blind or... whatever... to see that. She said it often, but it fell on deaf ears and now I’m paying the price."

"No offense mother, but it sounds like I’m paying the price too. I might not get the chance to know her now." Eve mentally kicked herself for the way the remark came out so insensitive. She hurts bad enough right now and you gotta go lay her on a guilt trip. Real smooth. "That came out all wrong," Eve added, taking a spot back on the ground again at her bedroll. "I just mean it would be nice to get to know the woman behind all those scrolls I read... but that chance might be gone."

She’s right. It might be too late but then again... "I know Gabrielle pretty well. I don’t think she’ll stay gone long." Xena grinned. Ares cleared his throat and Xena snapped her head around. "You have something to add?" she asked clearly annoyed with the ex-god.

"I think you’re fooling yourself, Xena," Ares answered. "That look in her eyes and conviction in her voice - I think she’s gone for good," he concluded quickly.

"Yeah, well, I really don’t give a damn about your opinion, Ares," Xena retorted. "I still say I know Gabrielle better than you." Ares smirked and shook his head in disbelief, but said nothing. "What?!" Xena answered, her annoyance turning into anger.

Ares and Xena faced off for a moment, sizing each other up. 

"She’s right. Gabrielle was right," Ares sighed. "I stood on that beach and tried to convince her to stay with you." That news obviously startled both mother and daughter. "Yeah, I know, hard to be believe, but true... Why? Because I see how much she means to you, Xena, and I know how difficult it would be if she left; even if you don’t see it. And I’ll tell you what else I see." Ares didn’t pause to find out if Xena wanted to hear. He just continued. "I see exactly why she left. Gabrielle isn’t the same woman you knew years ago. She will no longer follow you blindly into battle. She’s a warrior and a woman in her own right. You never recognized that."

"This from the man that views her as the irritating blonde," Xena said to Eve.

"At one time, yes, absolutely," Ares answered. "She irritated the hell out of me and I know why now. She could love you unconditionally. She had the POWER to make you see the goodness inside you... but somewhere along the way, you both lost sight of that. And it’s funny because her loss should be my gain. Right now though it feels like a hollow victory. I won by default because, in the end, I didn’t cause this breakup. You did."

"Perhaps I did." Xena nodded. "But you played a very big hand in it – telling me to seek vengeance for Solan’s death, making a deal with Gabrielle by using her jealousy over LaMao, offering to train Gabrielle as a warrior when she was grief stricken over Eli-."

"Well, I’m not the one who dragged Gabrielle cross country behind a horse. I’m not the one who left her standing on the dock feeling helpless. And I’m not the one who condemned her for not interfering when a friend asked her to look the other way... You did all those things on your own, Xena. You made the choice in the end, not me."

Xena could feel her pulse in her head. She’d been angry with Ares many times over the years, but at this moment it far exceeded anything she could imagine. I’m looking at a dead man, her mind hissed. She was ready to pull her breast dagger and slash Ares throat in that second and she would have if she didn’t hear Eve’s voice.

"I never read any of that," Eve said looking at Xena for conformation. "Did you do those things?" Eve asked, almost pleading that it wasn’t true. It can’t be true, Eve thought silently. All those scrolls never mentioned anything like that. They sang of all the people that she saved, all the good she’d done. How could she hurt Gabrielle? Gabrielle risked her life by walking into my Roman camp just to say that they loved me. 

How could mother hurt anyone that brave and daring and noble? It can’t be true.

But the longer Xena didn’t answer, the more Eve realized that yes it was true. Gabrielle just never mentioned it in her writings. Eve began to wonder why. 

Was it out of love? Was it too painful to put on parchment? Why?

"Eve," Xena began, "I was a terrible person for a very long time... and sometimes," Xena began to tear up but quickly swallowed them down. "And sometimes it’s hard to fight my ‘dark side’. That’s what Gabrielle called it. She understood it. And sadly, there were times that she felt the wrath of it. I’m not proud of that because I love Gabrielle very much. I do. And it’s hard to see that sometimes in light of all the things that have happened to us."

"You mean in light of all the things you’ve done," Ares corrected smugly.

"You are this close to death’s door," Xena said narrowly spacing her thumb and index finger in front of him.

"You’re right," Ares said. "That was a cheep shot, but if you want the bard back Xena you’ll have to start seeing the things that have happened and accepting responsibility for them. If you don’t... you’ll never get her back... ever."

"You’re suddenly the god of love, huh?" Xena rebuffed.

"No, I’m suddenly mortal with eons of experience with humans. I see things a lot more clearly now... I just wish you did too."

Suddenly, Ares stomach made an atrocious churning noise. All three looked to Ares belly and at each other, thankful for the break in the deep conversation.

"Hungry?" Eve poked fun.

"Is that why my stomach hurts and makes hideous noises?" the newly mortal god asked.

Xena grinned and shook her head. Boy o’ boy does he have a lot to learn about mortality. She reached into the saddlebag next to her bedroll pulling out some bread and cheese, tossing it to the former war god. 

"Here," she offered. "That should quiet things down so we can get some rest tonight."

Ares took a bite and turned to Xena with a wince. 

"Please tell me all food doesn’t taste this bad."

Eve and Xena grinned at each other and nodded. This is gonna be some road trip all right, Xena thought. 

"Oh yeah," she replied,"Some of it’s even worse. In fact that’s the best of the best you’ve got there, pal." What’s the harm in making Ares believe all food is terrible? Besides it’s just desserts for his antagonism tonight. "Come on, let’s try to get some rest. It’s been a long day," Xena offered.

Xena gave Ares her bedroll and shared Eve’s. As mother and daughter lay next to each other, Eve turned to Xena. "Will you promise to tell me more tomorrow? Things I didn’t see in the scrolls? Maybe things about Gabrielle?"

Can I really do this? Xena considered. Yes you can. You have to. Eve deserves the truth. 

"Yes, but only one story at a time," Xena considered.

"How about tonight?" Eve said snuggling closer. "Just a small one?"

Xena smiled. Story time with her daughter. She missed much in Eve’s growth, but perhaps some moments could still be saved and experienced. Xena cleared her throat to speak. 

"I sing of Gabrielle. The girl I met... the woman I love ... "

ACCEPTANCE

Ahhh ... is will do nicely.

Gabrielle picked up the last log she found and examined it after a brief toss in her hand. Quietly, she made her way back to the fire pit where her bedroll lay for the evening. She carefully stacked the wood in a triangle shape with plenty of kindling below. Normally she would just go to sleep, but this evening was chilly as a result of being so close to the water. She needed the warmth if she was going to get any rest.

With a few clicks of the flint the tiny twigs caught the spark and within moments a fire was blazing. The feeling that she was being watched suddenly draped over her like a wet blanket and she looked over her shoulder unsure and nervous of what she might find.

"You’re pretty good at that," her visitor said pointing to the fire.

Yeah, now. There was a time when I wasn’t, Gabrielle thought as she turned around. "Well, the first night I took off after Xena I ended up in her camp because I couldn’t start a fire to save my life." 

She chuckled, remembering how helpless she felt back then. She was going to be the great adventurer, yet she couldn’t make twigs smoke. It took all the courage I had to walk into her camp that night. The next night she showed me just what to do in case I ever got lost or separated from her... Separated... The smile, formed from the remembrance of how young she was back then, slipped from her face as a feeling of melancholy took hold of her. 

"So what brings you out here, Aphrodite?" the bard asked, hoping to clear her mind of the painful thoughts.

"Just checking up on you, I guess," Dite answered. When neither woman said more, Dite continued, "She’s taught you a lot, I know. It’s hard to let that go," Dite sympathized. Gabrielle’s eyebrows scrunched in examination of the goddess. 

How could she possibly know what I-.

"Because little one," Dite continued, "when it comes to love I can see right into any mortal."

"I thought all the goddess of love cared about was her temples and her ‘evening’ wear." The bard grinned.

"Superficial airhead, huh?" Dite remarked. "Guess that’s why I’m still around and half of Olympus’ most powerful are gone, right?"

Gabrielle chuckled, "Very true. Wanna have a seat?" The bard offered patting her bedroll. Dite took the invitation and without physically moving appeared beside the bard. Gabrielle grinned and shook her head. "You only had to move 5 strides. Was it really necessary to ‘poof’ beside me?" she teased.

"What good are powers if you don’t use ‘em?" Dite countered. Gabrielle continued to grin and poked a stick in the fire for distraction until Dite continued. "Speaking of power... I tried to sway Athena from using the furies on you, but I had little control over it. I didn’t-."

"Aphrodite," Gabrielle interrupted. "that’s not your fault. If you hadn’t stepped in when you did things would have been much worse. I’m just glad that Xena didn’t overreact and harm you." Gabrielle rolled her eyes in disgust with the thought of the warrior.

Dite smiled. "That’s kind of you to say. But I knew that Xena wouldn’t harm me if I approached to offer help. Besides, I didn’t need to fight her. I had nothing to lose, so why battle her. The mortal world only needs two true gods. Only two factors play such a role in humanity - death and love. People don’t need wisdom to survive. They don’t need ‘hobbies’. They certainly don’t need war... But love... humans will always need love. And humans will always need death."

"I never knew you could be so philosophical," Gabby replied slack-jawed.

"There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Gabrielle. Not many mortals do. I show them what I want them to see and the rest well... I kinda keep it under wraps." The goddess winked. "But I don’t think my immortality is weighing on your mind tonight. And I thought perhaps I could share some insight with you - like things you didn’t know or might not have realized... But that’s only if you want to. If not, I’ll just ‘poof’, as you say, and be outta here," she added snapping her fingers.

"No need to ‘poof’." Gabrielle smirked. "I’m just not sure where to start I guess."

"Well, let’s see," Dite said looking up to the star filled sky in thought. "Would you like to know when Xena was first attracted to you?" Dite wiggled on the bedroll, beginning to get into this little ‘game’. "This could be fun," she squealed. "Wanna play?"

"Play what? Guess the warrior’s heart?" Gabrielle retorted.

"Sure," Dite said enthusiastically.

Do I really want to do this?... Oh what the hell..."Okay, what do I do?" Gabrielle sighed.

"Okay," Dite began before planning things in her mind. "We could do a ‘truth or dare’ kinda game or I could ask you a personal question and give you the right answer."

"I’m confused," Gabrielle answered, playing with her earlobe as she considered what Dite had in mind. "What do you mean by the right answer?"

"Well, let’s just start and you’ll see. Okay? Now ... When did Xena first realize she was attracted to you?" the goddess asked.

When did Xena first realize she was attracted to me? Hmmm... "After I got kidnapped by Baccus."

"Naaaahhhhh, wrong answer, sweet cheeks. Would you like to try again?" Dite grinned. This could actually be fun, Gabrielle considered with a growing smile. "Of course it’s fun," Dite said, reading Gabrielle’s mind. "It’s my game... Now would you like a second guess or not?"

"No. Tell me. When did Xena realize she was attracted to me?"

"The first day she saw you."

"Get outta here!"

Both women erupted into a fit of the giggles like two gals at a sleep over. 

"It’s true!" Dite said soundly, confident in her answer.

"With the peasant dress and the barrettes?"

"Oh yeah," Dite smirked. "In fact, she was so distracted that Draco’s scrub solider managed to knock her down during the fight."

"You were there?" Gabrielle asked in amazement. Aphrodite simply nodded. "Why? Wait! You didn’t put a spell on me to follow her, did you?"

"Goodness no! You did that all on your own darlin’... I was there because Herc asked me to keep an eye on Xena for a little while to make sure she’d be okay. And it’s hard for me to say no to the big guy." She grinned.

"Well, I’ll be," Gabrielle stared at the fire mesmerized by this piece of news.

"Okay, next question," Dite said bringing back Gabrielle’s attention.

"Can I ask this time?" Gabrielle questioned excitedly. Dite grinned and nodded enthusiastically. "What did Xena think after our first time... you know... together?"

Dite cocked her head as she thought about the question. 

"Fear," she answered after a few moments of consideration.

"She was afraid of me?" Gabrielle answered. Why in the world was she afraid of me? Didn’t she trust me? I gave her everything that night - all that I had.

"Exactly," Dite answered. "and that’s what scarred her. She wasn’t sure if she could measure up. She wasn’t sure that she could be everything you needed. That worried her because she didn’t want to lose you."

"Then what changed?" Gabrielle asked as a sob threatened to spill forth. Playtime was official over now and Dite took a deep breath to steady herself for it. "How did she get so far from what she wanted that night? Why did she just let me go?" Gabrielle added.

"Now I’m going to say something, and I need you to understand it. You’ve got a temper on you bard and I don’t want you reaching for the sais, okay?" The goddess paused to see if Gabrielle would agree. Once she got the nod of acceptance, she continued. "Xena isn’t the only one who’s done damage to this relationship, Gabrielle. You’ve done your share too. And when trust is betrayed it is soooo hard to get that back."

"I know I did wrong by betraying Xena in Chin. I know that now. Hell, I knew that then and I made every effort to show her that she could have faith in me."

"Like joining Najara’s cult to start a hospice? Like deciding that people who waged war weren’t worthy and that peace and light are ‘the way’?"

"I never said that," Gabrielle countered. "I just wanted to examine other courses in life."

"Yes. I see that. But did you ever consider that maybe the examination would have its toll on Xena? You were choosing courses that would take you farther away from Xena - opposite ends, in fact."

"Have you heard that opposites attract, Aphrodite?" Gabrielle said trying to defend her actions.

"Yes, and it’s true... but opposites don’t make lasting relationships. The sparks are great at first, but then it just kinda fizzles away. You can’t stay together if you’re walking down separate roads - that’s a fact. And by the time you ‘caught up’ to her again... she was already gone. Not physically, but emotionally. She couldn’t have you play a part in Eve’s life because what would happen if you changed your mind again? What if you decided that you wanted to go the bard academy or find a husband to settle down with or perhaps just go back home to the little hick town of yours for good? Xena couldn’t take that chance... And I don’t blame her."

"Whose side are you on here?" Gabby asked.

"Love’s side," Dite answered firmly without hesitation, "... I’m not on your side or her side. I’m on love’s side. And the only way love will survive for you or Xena is if you BOTH take the time to realize you weren’t completely honest with each other... perhaps even honest with yourselves... Once you find acceptance of the role you’ve played will you find love - be it with Xena or someone else. Ares top babe might not be the gal for you, but you’ll never move forward until you acknowledge your part in all this. So take it one day at a time, Gabrielle, and you’ll survive."

Gabrielle took the wine skin from her pack and took a deep long swig. She turned to offer the goddess a drink, but she had vanished. Gabrielle looked around the perimeter of the camp, but Aphrodite was gone.

Maybe she’s right, Gabrielle considered as she laid down on the bedroll looking up at the stars. How many times did Xena and I star gaze together?... It’s not the same without her. But then again when’s the last time we did take time to do this? The amazons ... I tried to touch her arm that night and she moved away. Like she’s been moving away for months. Damn her! Truth is I’ve been without her for months but it’s only now that I’ve left... Go to sleep, Gabrielle. Don’t do this to yourself. Just wake up. And move on tomorrow. One day at a time.

STRIFE

"Ouch! Hold on! Hold on!"

Xena and Eve dropped their offensive stance and lowered their swords. They both looked at each other and rolled their eyes as the former war god called a truce for the third time in their sparring session that morning.

"Another pebble in your boot?" Eve taunted to Ares. What a wimp.

"It wasn’t a pebble. It was a rock - a very big, pointy rock," Ares whined.

Two weeks had gone by since Gabrielle’s departure. Many nights Xena felt the overwhelming urge to start out to look for her, but she always fought the temptation. It was best if she just left well enough alone for now. She had to get herself in order before she went searching. She had to prove to Gabrielle that things would indeed be different. At this point, she couldn’t make that promise. Too much had happened.

But the more she was around Ares, the more tempted she was to find Gabrielle. The bard had a way of cooling her temper when she needed it most. Besides, to see Ares at his worst would certainly bring a smile to Gabrielle’s face. The former god was always finding some ‘ailment’ during their drills, which broke the flow of the practice sessions and it was annoying Xena to no end.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Xena sighed. "You realize that your opponent is NOT going to let you call ‘time-out’ during a battle, don’t you?" Xena warned. "You’ve got to stay fit if you’re going to survive."

"Yeah, I know," Ares replied defensively, "but look at my hands, would ya? I’m getting bumps," he added outstretching his palms.

Xena inspected them and tried to hold back her smirk. She and Eve looked at each other and then back to Ares.

"It’s more serious than I thought," Xena replied as straight faced as possible.

"What?! What is it?!" Ares asked looking at his hands in terror.

"You’re getting... calluses!"

Eve couldn’t hold back her laughter any longer. Xena would have loved making Ares think his condition was terminal, but she just couldn’t pull it off. The harder Eve laughed, the more anger Ares became. And the angrier Ares became, the more Eve laughed. Ares raised his sword to strike the laughing young woman, but Xena put a stop to it with a quick grab to his wrist.

"Oh no you don’t," Xena warned. "Go to the saddlebag and get some ointment and bandages. That will help. Go on." Xena pointed.

Ares gave Eve a menacing glance on the way past her. But Ares was finding he couldn’t intimidate Eve any more than he could intimidate Xena.

Once Ares was out of earshot Eve asked, "What are we going to do with him? We can’t keep traveling like this."

"I’m not sure," Xena replied. So far it’s worse than I expected. He whines. He moans. He’s interrupting every conversation. It’s worse than owning a pet.

"We need to do something," Eve replied.

"We could always make him a god again," Xena offered with a chuckle. Eve chewed on her lip in thought. "That was a joke," Xena added when she noticed Eve was giving the idea serious consideration.

"I know you meant it as a joke, but think about it. We-."

"I don’t want to think about it. The answer is no. He’ll do more harm than good."

She’s right, Eve considered. Having the god of war back would only make more trouble. But then again ... 

"What if we just made him immoral?" Eve suggested. "He wouldn’t get older. He wouldn’t get hurt and he wouldn’t have to travel around with us anymore."

Hmm, that’s not a bad idea. It would certainly get him out of our hair and we wouldn’t have to worry about him using any ‘godly’ powers against us someday. Besides with Ares out of the picture I can finally get back to focusing on things that matter, like getting to know Eve... and if I’m lucky... finding Gabrielle.

"So what do you say?" Eve asked interrupting Xena’s thoughts.

"Okay," Xena began, "I’ve got a friend that might be able to help... if he’s still alive that is."

"Who?"

"Hercules."

"Hercules? THE Hercules?!"

Xena grinned. Umm ... Guess she’s heard of him. "Yep, that’s the one. In fact, you might not be here if not for him. He battled Zeus while your mom helped me give birth to you."

"Is that how Zeus died?" Eve asked as her eyes widened. I’d heard the stories about it but I never knew that ‘I’ was the child he fought to protect.

"Unfortunately, yes," Xena sighed. "It was very hard for Hercules, but he knew he made the right choice. After it was over, he took Gabrielle to the side and told her to protect her family and if she ever need him he’d give her a hand... He was a really good friend... In fact, he tried repeatedly to reason with Zeus, but he couldn’t get through to him. And in the end it cost Zeus his life."

"Self fulfilling prophecy," Eve muttered as she thought about the story Xena told.

"Yep. It’s ironic that Ares was the only god who saw it as such. Even Athena in all her wisdom was near sighted to that fact... Anyway, should we find ‘the big guy’ as some folks call him?"

Eve chuckled. The big guy. Her attention was turned however to Ares who was cursing because he couldn’t get the bandage on the right way. She shook her head vigorously, "By all means yes. I’m not sure how much more of this I can stand," she answered pointing to Ares, who at this point was fighting to get the lid back on the ointment tin.

"We," Xena corrected. "How much more of this WE can stand." After a few moments of watching him struggle, Xena sighed. "Go give him a hand, would ya?"

"Okay, but next time it’s your turn." Eve winked and then she jogged over to the ex-god.

As Xena watched Eve with Ares, the warrior smiled. Too bad you didn’t stick around to see this Gabrielle. Ares struggling with being ‘average’... up close and personal. Xena took a deep sigh. I don’t miss you until I’m alone like this. Hell I’m not even ALONE right now and I miss you. Someday, someway we’ll get back on track. One way or another I promise. Right now I just hope you’re safe and warm and well fed... Then again when are you NOT hungry. Xena chuckled out loud drawing Eve’s attention, whom had already walked back to be at her side.

"What is it?" Eve asked. "Still chuckling at Ares?"

"Huh?" Xena said slightly startled. "Oh no... I was just thinking about your mom... Did I tell you the nutbread story?"

Eve grinned as they began to walk down the road with Ares several yards in front of them now. She liked the stories her mother told about Gabrielle, or her mom, as she was now being referred to her. The longer more formal title of 'mother' had been given to Xena. The shorter, more playful term had gone to Gabrielle. Instead of being upset by Eve’s idea of how to tell them apart, the warrior shinned like a lantern at Eve’s suggestion. 

"No, you haven’t," Eve replied, hoping it would prompt her mother into another tale.

"Well, it wasn’t long after our Titan trouble I had told you about," Xena began. "A father was going to sacrifice his son to the one god."

"Eli’s god?" Eve asked to clarify. Xena nodded.

"Turns out that it wasn’t the one god that was doing the ‘commanding’ but his older son, who was jealous. Anyway, I told Gabrielle to stay with the young boy while I went to see his mother, just to get some inside information on the situation. When I got back to the cave they were hiding in, I found Gabrielle face down and not moving."

"What happened?" Eve asked. This is getting good.

"Well, it seems the brother had been poisoning the family. Gabrielle ate all the boy’s nutbread. which had been tainted with henbane. Anyway," Xena continued with a smile, "Gabrielle ate it all. Every last crumb and she was so stoned." Xena chuckled. "That was the first day she told me I was beautiful. As much as I would have like to believe it at that point I couldn’t. Especially after she started talking to the cave rocks... and they started talking back... At least that’s what SHE believed."

Eve erupted into a fit of giggles, "Was she okay? I mean I know she survived and all."

"Oh yeah. Your mom is pretty damn tough. The headache she got afterward however rivaled an ale hangover, but she still came through when the going got rough." Xena chuckled. "She was so young then," she reflected. "But she was still the most gorgeous creature - inside and out - I’d ever seen... Somewhere along the way I lost sight of telling her just how much she meant... And it costs me," Xena said despondently.

"Perhaps things will change someday and you’ll get the chance again," Eve offered optimistically.

"Perhaps." Xena grinned.

They walked down the road in a bit of silence until Eve spoke again.

"So how did you and Gabrielle finally... get together?"

"Get together?" Xena teased, knowing full aware of what Eve was hinting at.

"Yeah," Eve blushed. "You know what I mean."

"It was after I died the first time," Xena replied nonchalantly. "I’ve been dead a few times, but I seem to keep coming back," she added with a grin as she explained. "We had just gone on an ambrosia quest with a crazy, power hungry amazon after us who wanted your mom’s throne. We succeeded, of course, and after I came back we just ‘hooked up’."

"You just ‘hooked up’," Eve mocked teasingly. "Just like that?"

Xena paused a moment, "Yeah, just like that."

"Hmm... "

"Hmm what?" Xena asked.

"I don’t know, but it seems kinda... boring. I mean after all the adventures and stories I’ve heard I figured your coupling would be more ‘exciting’." Xena laughed heartily at Eve’s appraisal of how she and the bard became lovers. "What?" Eve asked, not quite sure of what caused the outburst from her mother.

"Trust me Eve. That night was anything, but boring," Xena informed her with a chuckle still firm in her voice. "Besides, I already knew what was in Gabrielle’s heart. When I was dead I could hear her thoughts. In fact, she’s the reason I fought so hard to come back. Yes, the world needed me around to help those that couldn’t help themselves, but, in truth, the main reason was your mom. I couldn’t leave her yet... not with so many things left unsaid and unfinished. I think that’s why I’m having such a hard time now... it still feels ‘unfinished’... I’m not sure if you understand."

Eve didn’t have a chance to reply. Ares came running back up the road toward them. 

"We’ve got trouble ahead," he said winded, pointing behind from where he came. Six snarling highwaymen stood before them looking anything but friendly.

"So we do." Xena smirked as she unsheathed her sword. Eve, in turn, did the same. "I love trouble." She grinned menacingly at the men as she proceeded forward. "Can we help you?" she asked the men.

"You can start by emptying your purses," the apparent leader of the gang answered.

Xena sighed. "Look fellas, I haven’t been in the best of moods lately. I’m trying to reunite with my daughter I haven’t seen in many, many moons while listening to a crybaby 24 hours a day. Add to the fact that my bard of five years recently left me. What does this mean to you, gentleman? It means you’re in for the WORST ass kicking of your life, if you don’t step aside now. So what’s it going to be?"

A collective and sarcastic ‘Oooooo’ noise went around the small circle.

Okay. That’s it!

Xena re-sheathed her sword and ran into the group of men with a thunderous charge. She could end this fight in a matter of seconds with the blade, but there wasn’t a real sense of satisfaction in that in the moment. She wanted to feel her anger expressed... repeatedly... flesh against flesh. Besides death was too easy. Perhaps after today these men would learn a lesson and they could find another occupation less hazardous and more human friendly.

She head butted the closest man to her and he fell limp instantly. The next got a right hook that sent him into the fellow behind him. The next one charged at Xena and she gripped him by his sword wrist, snapping it with such force it looked as if his hand would fall completely off at any moment. Two others charged her from the left and right. When each was close enough she grabbed each by the back of the head, slamming their faces together until they too, like their comrades, were sobbing masses on the dusty trail.

"Boy, do I still love to see her work," Ares whispered to Eve.

The only one left standing was the leader who was now left quaking in his boots; boots that Xena was sure probably were stolen. She motioned him toward her. "Come on pal," she taunted, "Let’s see what you got."

For a second, it looks like he actually considered taking her up on the offer. But common sense prevailed and he chose flight instead of fight. As he took off away from the group, Xena reached for her chakram and sent it hurling at the man. Eve took an unsteady breath. She couldn’t believe her mother would kill an unarmed man as he ran away. The tried to move faster but he realized he was going to be struck.

And struck he was... in the belt.

Promptly his pants fell to his ankles and he tried to pull them back up and run at the same time. With a mighty whoosh, the weapon returned to Xena and she secured it on her hip as she walked back and gathered Argo’s reins. Eve gave a sigh of relief. Her mother upheld the warrior code by not killing a fleeing man.

"All clear," Xena replied in a chipper voice. "After you," she said with a wave of her hand to her traveling companions. Ares and Eve stepped around the men who were moaning on the ground. As one tried to get his legs back, Xena gave him a boot to the butt that sent him head first into the road again. "I hope the next group’s a bit tougher. That was barely a workout," she told her travel party with a wink.

Continue to Part II