CN Winters (with Tonya Muir)
Xena Fanfiction, Xena fanfic, Xena fan fiction, Xena and
Gabrielle fanfiction, Xena fiction
Xena and the gang aren’t mine. They belong to
MCA/Universal/Studio USA and a bunch of other folks who now
own them. It is the musings of a certain warrior princess and
her affection for another woman. If the thought of two ladies
in love is unappealing please proceed on to another story.
examining X and G's relationship I realized they are at
opposite ends of a spectrum regarding their 'ideas' in life
but their moral foundation is the same - the greater good. How
they go about preserving the greater good has always been
different. With that in mind I considered what other kinds of
people would be similar in recent times. My answer - a flower
child and a police officer. It should also be noted that this
story was started well over a year ago and long before
Gabrielle’s India trip and ‘way of love’ fetish. With
that, we venture into this uber story. This short story was
based on a full length novel called, "One Belief
child Erin squares off against establishment cop Carol and
find love in the process.
Please send your gripes and complaints (and compliments
too<G>) to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Johnson stood tall in formation. With her gun on her right
hip, and her nightstick on her left, she felt nearly
invincible. This impression of strength, however, did nothing
to dissipate the suffering heat. She could feel her upper lip
growing heavy with perspiration.
She'd heard all the
stories and seen all the news reels - Detroit, Watts, Chicago,
Kent State, Vietnam. The country was at war - abroad and at
home. And for what? None of it made sense.
She'd enlisted on
the force to pay the bills. Simply put, being single without a
man in her life or a father to take care of her, she'd needed
work to make ends meet. At first it was just a job - something
to earn an income and it had seemed as good as any, appealing
to her stoic demeanor and solitary preferences. She had the
strength and the stamina to walk a beat so the decision hadn't
been a terribly difficult one in the end. Her father had been
proud of her decision so she'd attacked it with a certain
amount of relish.
The longer she was
on the force, however, the more pride she felt in the job. It
had changed from just a paycheck to keep a roof over her head
to a reason to get up in the morning. Each day was a challenge
she could face and win, each battle deserving of her attention
and finesse. She was a guardian of order in an age of
upheaval. Carol had always been a peacemaker of sorts, hating
to see the senseless eruption of violence, wanting to find the
middle ground for everyone involved. That's not to say she
didn't understand the need for retaliation or a heavy hand and
she's been trained to use the strong arm method when there was
a time and a place for it. So it seemed only a natural
progression that the tall woman would be standing here this
day, dressed in a heavy polyester uniform, sweat trickling
between her shoulder blades and plastering jet black bangs to
With three years on
the force, she wore her badge and her nametag proudly as she
stood in formation, overseeing a 'peaceful' demonstration that
could turn ugly - perhaps even deadly - in seconds. As with
anyone who's had to stand at attention, Carol had learned long
ago how to inspect her surroundings without appearing to be
watching. Cool blue eyes that seemed to focus straight ahead
were now sliding surreptitiously across the crowds of people
in the field beyond. They were a rag tag bunch, dressed in
long flowing dresses or baggy pants. Their long hair was free
and blowing in the minimal breeze of the morning. The sun beat
down uncharacteristically hot for the spring but, in a way,
the officer was grateful. That meant the demonstrators were
hot and sweaty, too, and that was just fine by her as misery
does truly love company. Though their training classes
suggested otherwise because in an uncomfortable situation, be
it heat, rain, snow, things were more likely to get out of
hand since tempers were high. Easily she recalled the air
conditioned room where she'd learned that lesson and longed
for the coolness of false air. Or a fan. Hell, a palm frond
would be okay right now.
The voice of her
partner hissed in her ear, breaking into her wandering
thoughts. It took the tall woman a full second to reel her
traveling mind back in. He'd continued speaking by the time
she used her peripheral vision to survey her surroundings once
again, noticing things hadn't changed in the least.
just let us open fire. Might increase the intelligence of the
American gene pool," he smirked, keeping his eyes
forward. Even without turning to him she could easily envision
his narrow pinched face, his deep brown eyes would be glaring
at the people around him, the distaste for this bunch evident
in every feature. She'd seen that look from him before on
several occasions and still despised it. When you worked with
someone day in and day out, when your very life depended on
that person, you learned to respect him, understand him,
anticipate him. You didn't really have to like that person,
which was good, because she didn't. But he'd kept her alive
and he'd watched her back and he was good at his job. So it
was one of the things that Carol just accepted in her life: my
partner's an ass and as ignorant as they come ... by the way,
can you shoot that robber who's pointing a gun at me? It's all
give and take and Carol had come to accept that fact of life
once everything had been taken and she'd been forced to
re-evaluate her future.
Now Carol grinned
at her partner, without really doing more than slightly
tilting her head. It was as a show of faith: brotherhood. It
was not an agreement to his ideals. Deep down she knew this
bunch had every right to express themselves as long as no one
was getting hurt. Hell, most of those kids were her age, if
only a few years younger. That was what made this job hard for
her: she believed in their rights just as she believed in
everyone else's. And, in a way, she took it as a personal
responsibility to provide a safe environment for such a
demonstration. Unfortunately, her companions on the force
always seemed to be itching to turn a rally violent, to
control these kids and their beliefs and ideals. Many of them
had children who were doing the same things and protesting
their parent's work, the job that put food on the table. Carol
couldn't imagine going home to that kind of criticism.
Sometimes being single had its advantages.
Her partner didn't
speak again, his witticism already dried up for the day ...
perhaps the week. The officers stood silently as a young woman
with strawberry blonde hair began to approach the formation.
She carried a bleached willow wood basket, the branches
bending and wrapping and twining in on themselves. The handle
was clutched easily in her hand and she looked like a little
girl who might go skipping through the field at any moment to
collect wildflowers. Maybe she would, Carol mused. It wouldn't
have surprised the officer.
The blonde stopped
at the end of the line, two officers down from Carol. This
motion brought girl and basket out of Carol's peripheral
vision and she found herself moving slightly to get a better
look at the blonde and what she was doing. Several other
members of the force were doing the same thing, heads tilted,
eyes scanning, but the commander's voice put an end to it.
front!" he ordered his squad in a loud gravelly voice,
his own nerves strung taut. Like his force, he'd heard all the
stories, read the news articles, saw the news casts. And he'd
be damned if he was going to be caught up in one of those
disasters. His paranoia forced him to rule with an iron fist
and his troops responded readily to his snapped words. The
police had enough bad press as it was, his team sure as hell
wasn't going to add to it.
readily, knowing she'd been wrong to break anyway. She even
mildly cursed herself for her stupidity: she was better
trained than to be sidetracked by a pretty girl. Seconds
passed, though it felt almost like a lifetime with the minimal
breeze and the glaring sun, as the young blonde made her way
slowly past the two officers to stand in front of Carol. She
was short, only reaching Carol's collarbone and having to tilt
her head up to search the taller woman's face. Her aloof
appearance seemed to say that she wasn't bothered by her short
stature or her billowy dress or the odd way she'd chosen to
spend her day. She stood close and still, as tall as she
could, with a gentle air of self-confidence and a warm honest
smile. She might have been in her early twenties though
guessing her age was hard for Carol since the officer was
unable to study her closely while keeping her bearing.
"Peace be with
you," the blonde said sincerely, either not aware or not
concerned about the scrutiny she'd just undergone. She placed
a daisy in Carol's belt. Her voice was soft and lilting but
carried a bit of a challenge and conviction. Carol registered
all of this easily and tucked it away in the back of her mind
for later consideration. She'd seen a hundred girls just like
this one already this spring. But she felt a charisma, a
magnetism from the small body in front of her.
A loud shot rang
out, shattering the air around them. The chanting of moments
before halted in mid-word, leaving complete silence in its
wake as each person waited for someone to react. Without
preamble or instruction, the formation charged and the
protesters scattered. Motivated to protect those around her,
Carol instinctively grabbed the golden haired girl in front of
her, wrapping talon like fingers around slender upper arms
before turning her and forcing her to the ground. It wasn't
until after she was covering the prone body that Carol
realized she needed to make an arrest. The fact that her job
had come second to protecting the blonde startled the tall
woman a little but she didn't have time to dwell on that. So
she raised up and placed a knee in the girl's lower back,
pulling her arms above her head. Carol was easily able to
subdue the young woman by holding the thin wrists together in
one large hand. Her ice blue eyes caught the willow basket
nearby, upturned and surrounded by trampled daisies.
okay?" Carol's partner called as he watched the tall
woman patting down her perp.
Carol gave a quick
nod, feeling in control now as she subdued the young woman.
"Help the others!" she instructed, giving the man
beside her permission to leave her without backup. As annoying
as she may have found some of his views, the man was a
consummate professional and she appreciated having that on her
With a return nod
that went undetected by Carol, he charged into battle,
nightstick at the ready, looking for his own perp or maybe
just a good fight. It was hard to tell. Continuing, Carol
cuffed the young woman, reading her the Miranda rights in a
sure, strong voice. The familiar words slipping easily from
her lips as she snapped the metal rings into place.
"Why am I
being arrested?" the young woman asked, growing irritated
but moving minimally. She apparently wasn't dumb enough to
resist arrest and risk personal injury which made Carol wonder
how many times the girl had been through this already. She
acted like a professional.
The blonde tried to
look over her shoulder at the woman on her back but her own
hair fell in her face, impeding her view. In truth, she hadn't
really looked at her before. One cop's just the same as the
next, what do I care?
of justice for starters," Carol said after pulling the
girl to her feet, surprising both of them with her ability to
literally pick the slight form off the ground and plant her
back on unsteady legs. Lighter than she looks, Carol mused.
It's hard to tell under that dress.
The girl didn't
fight Carol but she was no great help either as they moved
slowly towards the cruise, shuffling her feet, looking around
at the foray the demonstration had become. Carol let it go,
knowing they'd get to the car soon enough anyway and not eager
to force a confrontation with the smaller woman. The officer
saw her commander out of the corner of her eyes and moved
toward him, changing their direction slightly.
He was flustered
and yelling, face red with stress and rage, eyes searching the
melee before him to ensure nothing was getting out of hand.
"Permission to take the perpetrator to the station
sir?" Carol asked formally, stopping in front of him and
dragging the girl forward for him to see.
granted, Johnson. Nice job," he grinned at her quickly
before scowling at the young woman. He looked her up and down
briskly, trying to intimidate her with narrowed eyes and stern
face but realized he was unsuccessful. He waved the two of
them off and went back to surveying the scene beyond.
Carol opened the
door and the young woman clambered inside without resisting,
settling into the back seat as if it were familiar. She
bounced slightly on the padded bench and even managed a grin
of enjoyment, completely unconcerned with her situation. Carol
climbed into the driver's seat and shook her head with slight
amusement, somewhat intrigued by the young woman's upbeat
attitude. The officer had barely made it down the block when
the girl's soft voice drifted through the mesh partition
dividing front and back seats.
"How old are
Carol looked into
the rearview mirror and raised a slim dark eyebrow, unsure of
the question. "What?" the taller woman responded,
not certain of the girl's motives. It wasn't the typical
chit-chat of an arresting officer and a perp.
"I asked how
old are you? I'd say about 25. It seems odd someone as young
as yourself would already sell out to the establishment."
The young woman spoke easily, meeting blue eyes with mist
green in the rearview mirror before turning her head again to
watch the passing scenery.
"I don't care
what you think," Carol replied coldly, her icy blue eyes
in the rearview mirror emphasizing her point.
"No one in the
establishment does," the girl sighed, her voice sounding
oddly defeated and conflicting starkly with her previous brash
demeanor. "So why should you?"
As Carol came to a
red light she turned to face the girl, "You know...you do
have the right to remain silent."
The young woman
chuckled heartily, re-establishing her prior confidence.
"I'm waiving that right," she smiled wickedly, green
eyes dancing. "So tell me...what does it take for a lady
to become a cop? Were you raised republican? Did you see too
many episodes of the Mod Squad? ...What gives?"
looking to join the force?" Carol replied sarcastically,
starting on their way again. "Cuz I can get you some
brochures that you might find helpful."
girl grinned slyly, enjoying the teasing banter. "I'm
looking to change the world. Whatta you do in your spare
The car fell silent
for the duration of the trip as the officer elected to not
answer that question, knowing it was rhetorical anyway. The
words of Carol's partner came back to her as she looked in the
rearview mirror at the woman in the earth toned granny dress
and long tangled locks. 'Goddamn hippies'. But she couldn't
even think it in the same hostile manner he'd spoken it.
Carol brought the
young woman to fingerprinting and when the desk sergeant asked
her name the girl refused.
irrelevant. My friends call me Skylon and that's all that
Carol and the
sergeant exchanged a look of frustration. Carol pressed the
real name? Ya know? The one your parents gave you?"
the girl replied as the sergeant began to write it down.
"Barbara Eden," the girl grinned wickedly.
closer, towering over the girl, hoping perhaps to intimidate
her. "I'm gonna ask one more time or I'm taking you to
lock up ... And I want the truth ... what's your name?"
intimidated by the tall form standing in front of her, the
girl had to admit to herself there was a certain fire about
this woman that made her skin tingle. Unlike many of her other
friends, she had never been intimate with a woman. She'd never
found a woman who attracted her sexually, but the longer she
looked into those blazing eyes the more she wanted to see. She
liked to play with fire. After all, It was her undeniable need
to buck the status quo that had gotten her here to start with.
Okay!" the girl said, looking away and playing with her
bead necklace. "My name is Jane ... Jane Fonda," she
it!" Carol howled, frustrated. She pulled the young woman
away from the desk and tugged her toward the holding cell.
"I'm sure you've got priors so make yourself at home.
You'll be here for awhile." She turned the girl roughly
and unlocked the cuffs before pushing her between the shoulder
blades, forcing her to stumble into the small enclosure.
As Carol locked the
cell the woman rushed back to the bars.
"What about my
phone call?" she taunted. "I'd hate to see you
arrested for violating my human rights."
"I'll tell you
what," Carol began with a sinister grin. "As soon as
I have a phone line free, it's all yours. Until then, you'll
have to wait."
long?" the young woman asked with an equally powerful
expression. "I'm a busy woman."
"Oh, I'm sure
you are," Carol answered sarcastically. "But this
could take hours ... maybe even days."
keep me here for days," the girl argued. "I know my
rights." She was quickly growing angry with this little
game that had been amusing only moments before.
Carol sensed it and
her smirk turned into a full-fledged smile. "Don't blame
me," the officer shrugged as she walked away. "You
wanted to play around...besides I'm sure one of your
long-haired boyfriends will be here to bail you out
The woman couldn't
see Carol anymore but she knew the cackle she heard had to be
Pig," she muttered under her breath, throwing herself
onto a barren wooden bench bolted into the wall.
"Her name is
O'Fallon. Erin O'Fallon," the records officer told Carol.
"Oh really?" she asked.
he replied just as conspiratorially. "Would you like her
Carol snatched it
from his hand with a wink and began to make her way to the
Carol smiled in victory. "Let's see ... priors include
marijuana possession and flag burning ... It appears we have a
phone line free all of a sudden. Would you like to make that
call now?" Carol finished, fluttering her eyelids
have that tic looked into," Erin replied defiantly,
pointing at Carol's eyes. "It could be something
funny girl," Carol said, opening the cell without further
comment. Once Erin was free and the cell locked, Carol took
Erin over to a phone and waved casually at it. "Call
daddy or whoever it is that usually bails you out."
Erin responded, picking up the phone.
Carol gave her some
privacy and wandered across the small room to the coffeepot
but she kept an eye on the girl. She didn't think the woman
was a violent threat but having her slip away wouldn't look
too good in front of the boys. Carol had a hard enough time
proving herself as it was, she didn't need some waif of a perp
making life more difficult.
As Carol watched
the young woman, it was obvious to her from what she already
seen and heard that the blonde was bright. How she got hooked
up with these other losers at the demonstration was beyond
Carol and she tried to imagine a home life or a strict
upbringing that would lead to this. The girl had so much
promise - she was passionate and quick-witted with a gentle
demeanor and definite self confidence. And there was something
else about her ... some kind of spark. Carol had noticed it
from the first moment but had witnessed it again when they'd
first entered the squad room. It was as if every head had
turned in the room. It wasn't because the girl was drop-dead
gorgeous because she wasn't. But that isn't to say she was
homely either. She was ... what was the word ... cute ...
attractive. She was charismatic. Carol knew the attention this
'Erin', 'Skylon', whoever - this attention was just the aura
the girl projected to the room. She was a woman of natural
leadership and perhaps someday, she would be a force to be
reckoned with because of her attributes.
Carol watched as
Erin's slender fingers worked the rotary, dialing a number of
someone who would come for her. The tall officer couldn't help
but wonder who that someone might be. Probably some
long-haired, guitar carrying, Jim Morrison-wannabe. A pang of
jealousy rushed over Carol at the thought as well as a greater
sense of confusion. She wasn't attracted this young woman was
she? She knew that love was given very freely between many
people of her generation - regardless of gender - but she
wasn't that kind of person. She wasn't that type of girl ...
was she? No she decided. 'You're not. So stop thinking about
She'd bet a
paycheck that Erin was, though. And if the girl was willing...
Erin hung up,
turning pale green eyes to the officer and, thankfully,
stopping the tall woman's train of thought. The blonde tilted
her head slightly at what may have been a blush crawling up
the olive skinned features before Carol returned to her side.
set?" the officer asked.
Erin replied. "I'll be out of your hair in a short
while," she grinned.
Carol wasn't sure,
but she felt a bit saddened by the fact Erin would be leaving.
So she did the only thing she could think of standing here at
the station outside of holding. "Would you like some
coffee?" the officer asked.
Erin smiled both at
the incongruity of the suggestion and the proposal itself.
"Is this some sort of peace offering - cop style? Are
there doughnuts too? Isn't that standard operating
procedure?" But her teasing words were softened by a
tilted head and a warm smile.
Carol found herself
smiling as well. "I didn't know we were at war," the
officer countered. "If I slapped the desk sergeant hard
enough on the back, there's a good chance a doughnut would pop
out. Would that do?"
Erin had to admit
this woman was beginning to have an effect on her. But she
pushed it back in order to keep what dignity she had left. She
didn't need any of her friends finding out she was flirting
with the enemy. But being one to buck the system, even the
system within her own sect, the idea was exciting. What would
her friends say if she confessed her attraction to the tall
brunette? She still hadn't answered Carol's question and soon
found herself facing a cup of joe without any idea of how it
got there. "I think I'll pass on the doughnut," Erin
sugar?" Carol asked, sliding the cup closer and pulling a
chair noisily over so she could also sit at the small phone
thanks," Erin said coming back from herself, abandoning
her impure thoughts and returning her attention to the
uniformed woman across from her.
silence washed over the small space the two women shared. Erin
sipped her coffee slowly, avoiding eye contact with Carol. She
couldn't take those blue eyes watching her, they seemed to
burn her skin as the coffee scalded her tongue. There was too
much power in that gaze, the sapphire flames too much for her
to take right now. Her self-confidence faltered at the reality
of her attraction to this woman and what it might mean.
Carol, for her
part, sensed the uneasiness that claimed the young woman. She
watched her small companion fidget nervously with the cup and
refuse to meet her eyes. This wasn't the same brash girl she
dragged across a field and put in a squad car. This wasn't the
young woman who'd teased the sergeant and made inprocessing
difficult. This girl seemed older, calmer, quieter ... yet she
also emanated awkwardness.
Carol wasn't sure
what had brought this new facet of the girl to the surface but
she found it endearing. She realized she needed to say
something - anything - to break the growing, agonizing
"Can I ask you
something?" Carol began after enduring the stark silence
as long as possible. She would have liked to study Erin's
features and those peculiarly green eyes but she was only
privy to the top of the blonde's head.
Erin rolled her
eyes, waiting for the smart comment she was sure would follow
Carol's question. When she finally did look into Carol's eyes
she saw a sincerity that caught her off guard. Carefully she
nodded her assent.
What kind of
question is that? Erin's mind raced. "Why?" Erin
repeated dumbly as she waiting for an explanation.
Carol nodded. "Why do you do this? Why do you put
yourself at such risk? I could have killed you today, my
partner might have," she said matter-of-factly.
Erin smiled grimly.
"Lots of Americans die on a daily basis - here and
abroad. If I have to give my life for the greater good then so
good?" Carol asked, raising a dark eyebrow to dance with
her disheveled bangs. It sounded a little too grandiose to
her. "What do you mean?"
Erin didn't have a
chance to respond though she appeared ready to launch into a
well-rehearsed spiel. The desk sergeant walked over with a
Carol's slight companion said, rising to meet the stranger.
She sounded thrilled to see this other woman and that tone in
her voice caused Carol's stomach to clench.
Carol rose as well
and the desk sergeant turned to her. "I just spoke with
the Captain. The department is dropping the charges against
Miss O'Fallen and several others."
mean?!" Carol exclaimed.
friend is free and clear to go, right sergeant?" Minos
Carol paused in her
tirade long enough to get a good look at this woman, Erin's
friend and apparent savior. Minos was a tall woman, almost as
tall as Carol, with flowing brown hair kept in a long braid
behind her back. Her dress was similar to Erin's in style but
psychedelic in color. She returned the officer's searching
gaze with light hazel eyes, which revealed no emotion.
right," the sergeant agreed with disappointment though
Carol barely heard him. She was growing increasingly less
concerned with the outcome of this case except it would mean
Erin's departure with this woman.
The officer finally
remembered to question the Captain's decision. "What
Carol didn't finish
as the sergeant interrupted. "The 'shot' y'all heard was
some kid with a firecracker. He thought it would be fun to see
what happened if he let it off today. He's damn lucky he
didn't get anyone killed. The department has decided to press
charges against only those who assaulted officers. And since
Miss O'Fallen didn't assault you ... Captain said she's free
Johnson," Erin turned to the tall woman, wanting to tease
her and boast but finding herself unable to when she met those
sapphire eyes. She found herself not really wanting to leave
with Minos and briefly considered her options. I could assault
her now and I'd get thrown in the slammer. Or maybe she'd
reciprocate, she thought wickedly before shaking herself back
to her senses. "Looks like I've gotten my 'walking
papers' ... I'll probably be seeing you around," she
grinned weakly, hoping Minos would accept that as boastful
since it was the best she could muster..
Apparently it was
good enough because Minos took Erin by the arm and the two
walked from the stationhouse before Carol could reply. She
left, Carol thought. Just like that. She left.
okay?" The sergeant asked. "You don't look so
Carol had collapsed
in the chair next to her, seemingly deflating with each of the
small woman's steps away. She tried to shake off her feelings
of abandonment, startled by the clarity of them. "Yes I'm
just ... disappointed." No kidding.
The desk sergeant
grinned. "Well don't worry too much about it, kid. There
will be much bigger perps than this one to catch believe
me," he said, laying a large hand on her shoulder in a
show of support. Then he turned and walked away, leaving Carol
alone with her thoughts and two cups of coffee.
thought silently. But none of them would be quite like her.
Several days later,
Minos and Erin entered the coffee shop, chuckling as they
slipped past the heavy metal and glass door. The two young
women were wrapped up in their conversation, discussing the
entertaining plight of another comrade during the recent
demonstration. As Minos continued her side of the story, the
tall woman studied the chalkboard outlining the available
selection. Listening absently, Erin's attention wandered
through the coffee shop until something caught her gaze. Her
stomach flipped and she felt her face warm in a blush but she
pushed it aside and shrugged into her bravado like a well-worn
"Look at what
we have here," Erin announced. "A cop in a doughnut
shop ... if that isn't a tired cliché."
Carol had to
chuckle as she let her gaze wander up and down the small
figure several yards away. It was a good shot she had to
admit. "I'm here for the coffee. The doughnuts are for my
partner." She'd been standing on the far end of the
counter, watching the server fill a box with pastries. She'd
seen Erin just a split second before the young woman had
Sure, they are," Erin nodded in agreement but her smirk
and her casual stance playfully mocked the officer.
Carol shook her
head with a grin, welcoming this self-assured version of Erin.
She'd still like to explore the other side of her some time,
she realized with surprise.
brings you out this early?" the officer asked after many
long moments of silence. She discovered herself wanting to
continue this conversation regardless of topic. "I
figured you'd still be worn out from all the orgies going on
at that big community home of yours."
It was Erin's turn
to chuckle. "Not bad," she complimented, nodding her
head, raising a honey colored eyebrow. "But you realize
that's not what goes on at the house ... well at least not on
Thursdays anyway. Orgy night is Saturday," she said,
maintaining a straight face for several long beats before
cracking the tiniest of grins. Her green eyes sparkled with
merriment and made her all the more attractive to Carol's
so?" the dark-haired woman asked, taking a sip of her
coffee, sparing a minor glance at the young blonde's companion
before returning to evaluate Erin's wardrobe choice. Today's
outfit was much like the one she'd worn their previous meeting
except there were new ribbons braided into sections of her
long blonde hair.
Erin smiled. She wasn't sure why but the next words escaped
before she had a chance to pull them back. "Why don't you
come visit sometime? See what my world is all about?" She
could almost swear she heard crickets chirping as all three
women stood silently. She felt Minos's stunned stare aimed her
direction and knew she was going to have to answer some pretty
pointed questions. Though she'd surprised herself with the
offer, Erin didn't regret it.
Carol was taken
aback by the request. The hippie wanted her to hang out? She
even wondered for a split second if the smaller woman had
actually asked the question or if her own mind had simply
projected what she wanted to hear. The blonde's expectant gaze
implied the former. Minos's hazel eyes were luckily unarmed
though they certainly appeared dangerous. "Why?"
Carol asked, finally, having decided the offer was sincere and
not a figment of her imagination.
Erin smiled and
felt her earlier discomfort wash away in the blue of Carol's
eyes. She pulled out a pen and scribbled on a napkin.
"Here's my address," she said handing it to Carol.
"You asked about the greater good and I really didn't get
a chance to finish our conversation ... Consider this your
chance to be enlightened."
Both women were
interrupted by a stern voice behind them. Minos had apparently
grown tired of looking dumbstruck and tossing evil glares
about the small room.
"We've got to
get going, Skylon or we're going to be late."
without turning to face her. "Go on. I'll be there in a
minute," she urged her friend gently. Minos didn't move
so Erin turned imploring eyes her direction. C'mon, Minos,
play along, she plead silently. Give me this and I'll tell you
nodded slowly and stepped away from the two women, coffee cups
in her hands. "I'll be outside. Scream really loudly if
she arrests you."
Erin gave her
friend a grin before turning back to the dark woman in front
of her. Carol had watched the exchange with mild interest but
now was easily sucked back into those jade eyes. "So what
do you say, Officer Johnson? By the way, do you have a first
name or should I just call you Officer Johnson?"
Carol could tell
Erin was playing with her at this point. Was it flirting? Was
she simply issuing a challenge and the hippie really thought
Carol didn't have the courage to meet her on her turf? If so
she was sadly mistaken. The reason for the invitation didn't
matter as much as the invitation itself and Carol realized she
would have accepted it scribbled on an elephant's butt. The
napkin was better, the dark paper scratchy as she accepted it
and slid it into her pocket.
the officer answered. "My name is Carol."
understand what possessed her to step even closer to the cop
but she did. "That's a beautiful name. It suits
you." Again, the wall of apathy had come down, revealing
a warm smile and gentle eyes that seemed full of emotions.
Carol smiled back softly, wanting to reward the gift. "So
what do you say, Carol? Think you're up to seeing what the
hippie lifestyle is all about - well, at least my hippie
Carol swallowed so
hard it was audible. And it took everything she had to keep
eye contact with the young woman. Finally she cleared her
throat. "I'll think about it."
that," Erin smiled.
comment, Carol watched Erin quickly make her departure and
head towards the microbus parked outside. The feeling of
abandonment seemed to get worse with each parting and the dark
woman absently rubbed above her breast before turning back to
the counter to pour herself more coffee. Suddenly, her
partner's voice boomed from the entrance.
"Is that kid
still hassling you? Why don't you run her in?" he asked.
"She's not a
problem," Carol assured him, trying to hide her grin.
"Just young and idealistic but I'm sure you're too old to
remember being that way Randell," she prodded.
"Ha. Ha. Very
funny," he replied with a grimace and a wrinkled nose.
Carol realized he had never been like Erin, his heart was cold
and his eyes were dull. "Can we get going now?"
Carol smiled making her way past him, coffee and doughnuts in
Minos drove down
the street in silence for as long as she could stand to. But
the strain of keeping her mouth closed was beginning to show
and her blonde companion was diligently waiting for Minos to
burst. You wanna know, you gotta ask, my friend.
Finally, it was too
much. "What's with the cop?" she blurted, the words
tumbling past teeth and lips and falling with a tinge of
defensiveness between the two women.
"What do you
mean?" Erin asked, innocently, all waif smile and wide
dumb with me, Skylon. You know exactly what I mean,"
Minos insisted, sparing a glance from the road to observe her
Erin reflected a
moment, trying to put her tangled thoughts into a string of
words which would properly convey her feelings. "I think
she's ... interesting," was the best she could come up
with after several long moments of consideration.
Minos shook her
head, rolled hazel eyes. "I don't believe it. You're
falling for a cop! And a lady cop at that!"
on," Erin found she wanted her friend's support in this.
It was all new to her but the emotions were so intense she
didn't feel she could ignore them. "You've had women in
Minos agreed. "But never a woman cop! Have you completely
lost your mind?!"
"No! I have
not! Besides, what business is it of yours whom I find
seriously hurt by the comment and turned wounded eyes from
Erin to the road. The young blonde quickly made up for it,
reaching over to place a warm hand on her friend's arm.
"I'm sorry. That was a terrible thing to say and it goes
against everything I stand for. I don't want to fight about
this. Besides at this point she isn't even a friend so I don't
think you have anything to worry about."
"If you want a
woman I can set you up," Minos offered, glad for the
subject change. Erin was her dearest friend and the thought of
her free spirit with that rigid cop was more than she was
willing to handle.
"I don't want
to be set up," Erin replied. "Besides the last time
you set me up was with that peace corps volunteer who didn't
believe in shaving. God Minos, if I wanted hairy I'd date a
Slowly both women
began to chuckle before it turned into rolling laughter. Minos
calmed down first and looked at Erin as they reached a
stoplight. "You really do like her ... don't you?"
Erin looked out the
front windshield as she spoke, unable to meet her friend's
searching gaze. "I don't understand it. It's like I'm
drawn to her." She shrugged slim shoulders helplessly.
"Like a moth
to a flame huh," Minos nodded, twisting her lips into a
wry expression of defeat. "I don't need to tell you what
ends up happening to the moth?"
"You know, for
a flower child you really are ill-mannered," Erin jibed
Minos gently but preferred this approach to the previous
outburst of raised voices and accusing words.
"I'm sorry, I
just ... "
Always hoped you'd be my first?" Erin teased, not
expecting the reaction she got.
Minos smiled at
first but the smile began to fade and she nodded her
confession. "Your first time should always be with
someone you love and who loves you."
"You know I
love you, Minos, but-
that word ... 'but.' I know. You and I have been through this
lots and lots of times before I just ... I always wished I
could be the one. But all I care about is your happiness -
even if that someone you choose isn't me."
"Even if that
someone I choose is a cop?" Erin asked softly, tilting
her head towards the brunette slightly.
Minos nodded, a
weak smile playing on her lips. "Even if it is a
Erin didn't know
what to say but after a few moments she found her voice.
"You're my best friend, Minos."
Minos nodded but it
seemed to Erin that she still had a quiet defeated air about
her. She was going to press the point some more but Minos
stopped her. "No, it's groovy. I understand. I do. You're
my best friend too, Skylon ... I don't want anything to come
between the love we do have ... ya dig me?"
"Yeah, I dig
ya," Erin grinned.
Minos sighed. "Tell me about this cop."
Carol checked the
fraying napkin again, comparing the number she held against
the number on the house. Or rather, comparing it to what was
left of the number on the house. The building was in an
obvious state of disrepair, needing some minor work to doors
and windows and several years past a paint touch up. But
otherwise it seemed sturdy with a large wraparound porch and
The porch was
filled with blankets and cushions, various benches and chairs
littered the vast expanse of painted wood. There were shelves
of books, potted plants, musical instruments. Carol examined
them all with minor interest before stuffing the tattered
paper back into her pocket. Now that she'd selected her
wardrobe carefully and made her way here clear across town,
she was having second thoughts. What did she see in this slip
of a girl? And better yet, why was the flower girl interested
in a cop?
She stood casually
in her jeans, sweatshirt, and jean jacket, an outfit chosen
specifically to not make a statement of establishment, rocking
back on sneaker heels, tilting her head in consideration. She
was still deciding whether or not to leave when the door
opened and searching hazel eyes pinned her where she stood on
the top step of the porch.
you gonna stand there all day or come in?"
Minos's piercing gaze and disdainful voice. She shrugged her
shoulders as if she didn't care one way or another but the
woman at the door smiled slightly, letting her know the act
was seen through.
Minos opened the
door wider, tilted her head slightly in invitation as if it
was given reluctantly. Carol surmised it was.
"I'm here to
see Erin," the tall dark woman said at last, finally
making her decision and taking the few steps that brought her
across the porch to the front door.
The other woman
snorted. "No kidding," she said as if Carol were an
idiot. "Figured that out."
The cop chose to
ignore the tone of voice and stepped into the house anyway,
biting her tongue on a harsh retort that would get her
is on the second floor, second door on the left." The
fact that Minos had over emphasized Erin's hippie name wasn't
lost on the nervous officer.
"She has her
own room?" Carol asked, surprised.
Minos shook her
head. "No one has their own anything here. We all
share." Then the tall brunette left, leaving Carol to her
Hands still stuffed
in jacket pockets, Carol made her way carefully up the stairs
to the second door which stood wide open on broken hinges. She
studied the scene first, looking at the small blonde who lay
curled on a mattress on the bare wood floor. She was reading
something in a tattered notebook, occasionally making
scribbles, often chewing on the end of her pencil. After a
long moment of observation, Carol cleared her throat slightly,
watching the green eyes leave paper and look up.
Erin was shocked to
see the officer standing in the opening to her room but she
tried not to show it. She felt a warm sense of joy crawl
through her belly and rest heavily in her throat, causing her
to cough a couple of times and blush before she spoke.
"Hi," she said softly, allowing Carol once again to
see the delicate side of her instead of the outspoken brash
person she often seemed to be.
Carol smiled gently, trying to offer the woman comfort, not
wanting to make her awkward or nervous.
The young blonde
set aside notebook and pencil and stood up slowly. Today she
was dressed in tattered jeans and an over sized T-shirt with a
huge peace symbol emblazoned across the front.
think you'd come," Erin spoke at last, both women still
standing the length of the room apart.
broad shoulders lifting and relaxing under the denim of her
jacket. "You invited me. I came."
Erin asked suddenly, surprising herself by her insecurity and
the flutter in her stomach.
slightly and thought of a hundred smart retorts or teasing
comebacks. Instead, she decided on honesty. "It was an
offer I couldn't pass up."
enough," Erin grinned back, feeling some of her composure
return when presented with the officer's relaxed demeanor.
"Come in, I'm sorry," suddenly realizing her
manners, she stepped forward. "Let me take your jacket
and we can leave it in here while I give you the grand tour.
Who let you in?" she asked curiously as she took the
extended jacket and tossed it on her double mattress.
Erin nodded, looked back to her guest with an inquiring jade
gaze. "Was she nice?"
The dark woman
laughed softly, shook her head. "No, she wasn't mean. But
I wouldn't have used nice as a descriptor."
The young blonde
nodded her agreement. "She's ... ah ... not fond of cops.
Policemen ... um ... police women," Erin fumbled.
"Cop is fine, Erin. And you aren't too fond of us,
The younger woman
shrugged, tilted her head, "You're different."
Erin nodded though she didn't know from where she got the
conviction of those words. Something about this dark woman
called to her and she knew that under the tough exterior, the
gun and the uniform, was a gentle person she wanted to get to
know better. The attraction she felt was new and intriguing.
And she'd be damned if she let it slip away without further
exploration. "C'mon," she reached out to gently tug
at the woman's sleeve. "Let's go see who's around to
Erin offered a
quick tour, showing Carol the common rooms, waving to the
shared bedrooms. They ended up in the kitchen with two long
haired men and cups of coffee. Erin introduced the men as Bill
and Stanley, telling them that Carol was her friend that she'd
met at the demonstration they'd all attended. She left out
that the dark woman had been one of the uniformed attendees.
Carol noticed the absence and raised an eyebrow questioningly.
Erin smiled, patting the older woman on the arm and letting
that touch linger a little longer than necessary.
"So what are
your plans for today, Skylon?" Stanley asked, standing to
rinse out his coffee cup.
Erin glanced to her
companion quickly and was met with inquisitive blue eyes.
"No plans. Maybe go for a walk, do some talking."
"We're going to go down to the pharmaceutical company and
sit on the steps," he grinned, teeth barely showing
beneath his beard. "We're pretty sure they're supporting
the war efforts so we're going to go make their lives a little
more difficult." He placed his wet mug upside down on a
towel covering the counter. "Wanna come? The more the
Erin looked to her
hands, then her friend's blue eyes, before turning to Stanley.
"Not today, Stan. But good luck to you."
yourself," the tall man shrugged and patted his silent
companion's shoulder. "Let's go, Bill. Places to go ...
people to see."
left the two women alone in the kitchen.
"If you want
to go," Carol said at last, after a very long moment of
silence, "I can come back another day."
Erin smiled in that
over-confident manner she must have perfected years ago.
"Not up to it? We could both join them."
Carol returned the
grin. "I can't, Erin. You know that."
the young blonde's countenance turned more wistful as she
looked away to study the kitchen. The water stained wallpaper
curled away from the walls, the Formica counters were chipped
and damaged. She tapped her toe on cracking green linoleum.
tell them what I do," the dark woman observed, watching
her young friend with gentle eyes. She sensed a conflict in
the other woman she could neither define nor understand.
Erin shook her
head, traced a crack in the table with a blunt-nailed finger.
"I wanted them to like you."
think I'm likeable in uniform, Erin? It's part of me."
she shrugged her shoulders and sighed, able to meet the ice
gaze only briefly. "But we kinda don't look past the
clothes to the person. Ironic, isn't it? That's what we claim
the establishment is doing to us."
silently, agreeing with her observation. She wondered why
she'd looked past the granny dress and the flower basket to
the charming woman beneath. She also wondered why she was here
and where this could possibly go. "Two different
worlds," she muttered.
Erin looked up from
her diligent tracing. "Yeah. But is that okay?"
mean?" the dark woman asked, rising to pour herself some
more coffee and bringing the pot over to fill her friend's mug
"Can we get
past that? If I don't judge you by your uniform and you don't
judge me by mine?"
regaining her seat. "I think so."
the taller woman agreed, sipping from her mug, watching the
features before her. Erin was a beautiful young woman without
make-up or a pretentious hairstyle. Her charm and looks were
natural and Carol found herself drawn to them. She'd never
considered herself attracted to women before meeting the
blonde. Now she guessed she may have to redefine that part of
herself because she could easily picture romantic moonlight
strolls with this woman. She could almost feel the gentle
caresses and the warmth of lips. She shook her head.
Erin noticed her
blush but kindly declined comment. "You up for that walk?
There's a park nearby, we can take Rainbow."
Rainbow?" Carol asked with a raised eyebrow.
roommate. Catches a mean Frisbee."
fun," the older woman agreed, downing the rest of her
coffee in a few short swallows. "Let's get out of here
before my true identity is revealed."
finishing her coffee as well and rinsing out both mugs to set
them beside Stanley's.
"So what do
you do?" Carol asked as she tossed the Frisbee. Rainbow
ran with all he had to keep up to the flying disk. He was a
large black mutt of some sort, probably had Lab and Shepherd
in him. His breed was really irrelevant as it was impossible
not to love him for his gregarious attitude and his large
They stood in the
middle of a large park near campus and had claimed a shady
spot under a tree as well as a field for Rainbow's activities.
The afternoon sun was warm and bright, the rays chasing
filigreed clouds along the sky's blue expanses. It was a
wonderful day for outdoor activity and pleasant company.
The walk over had
been enjoyable, Rainbow had remained on a leash until they'd
reached the edge of the park where Erin had turned him loose
to bound across the manicured grass and hunt for butterflies
or dandelions. He found the latter in much greater numbers
than the former but it made little difference to him in his
world of pure enjoyment and sensations.
"I fight for
the betterment of mankind," Erin answered, tilting her
head up to regard her dark companion and squinting against the
streaming sunlight. She sat in the grass at Carol's feet, her
bellbottomed legs stretching outward.
Always about the movement, she thought silently.
"No," the dark-haired woman corrected, taking a seat
next to Erin. "I mean for a living. You must eat. Buy
clothes. What do you do for money?"
artist," Erin replied, watching her companion for any
sort of negative reaction. She'd found that a lot of the
establishment wasn't impressed with artists or their works and
dreams. "I paint. I sculpt," she continued softly,
seeing nothing in the other woman's countenance to frighten
her off. "Sometimes I write. About once a month I go to
the village or Soho to sell my work. All the money the house
brings in goes into a large fund. That way we always have
electric and a fridge full of food," she finished with a
"What about if
you wanted to go to the movies or something? Don't you have
spending money?" Carol asked nonchalantly, stretching out
her long legs and watching Rainbow. The dog dropped the
Frisbee halfway across the field and was now busily trying to
scoop his nose under it and pick it back up. It was
outsmarting him and he barked at it, scratching helplessly
with large paws.
too busy for things like that. And I rarely eat out. So it's
not that much of a burden. But yes I do have some spending
money," Erin acknowledged softly, hoping that Carol was
asking for another reason besides trying to understand the
joint household living situation. She glanced sideways at her
companion, enjoying the slope of her sharp cheekbones and the
olive hue of her skin. Her long black hair was pulled back in
a ponytail, revealing dainty dangling earrings in her lobes.
Erin found her breathtaking: her eyes matching the sky and her
hair darker than night. The artist in her began to plan a
sketch that might reflect the other woman's beauty. She
blushed at the thought and looked away again before Carol
A silence filled
the space between them until Rainbow recovered the toy and
made his presence known again by leaping from woman to woman
hoping someone - anyone - would throw his prize again. Carol
took the not-so-subtle hint from the canine and rose to her
feet once more, throwing as far and as hard as she could. She
brushed off the seat of her pants while keeping her attention
on the bounding dog and the way his ears flopped with each
great leap. She grinned at him and envied him his simple
quite an arm there," Erin complimented, smiling up at the
officer, shielding her eyes from the sunlight so she could see
Carol's reaction. She was surprised when she saw the blush
rise to the other woman's cheeks. If anything, she was more
attractive with the added color.
played softball for a lot of years when I was younger. The
force has a league but I don't play now," Carol
responded, rolling her shoulders with the memory of a good day
on the field. She'd been the best on her team in high school.
She'd even practiced with the boy's team from time to time
though she was never permitted to play a game with them.
not?" Erin asked, honestly confused. The other woman's
voice indicated it was something she'd enjoyed. And her
posture and stance seemed to prove she was more than capable.
"They are obviously losing a great outfielder with that
Carol was both
surprised and pleased that Erin knew something about the sport
and she paused a moment before answering. "Ohh ... I ...
the force doesn't let women play on the team. It's only
recently that they allowed women on the force itself. Maybe in
a few years that will change," She replied reluctantly,
knowing she was cracking the door for an argument. Thus far
the day had been pleasant and their time together enjoyable.
She didn't want to ruin it with an abrupt reminder about how
very different they were.
good enough to wrestle flower children to the ground but not
good enough to catch a grounder to third?" Erin teased
gently, sensing the other woman's tension but also angered at
the obvious discrimination she faced.
As Carol began to
laugh, Rainbow took a flying leap at her, sending her flat on
her back. Erin scolded the animal who was now busy licking
Carol's face any place she could find. "I think I made a
new friend," Carol said between laughs and dodging a long
seeking tongue. She put her hands on the dog's broad chest and
shoved at him weakly. Erin tried in vain to pull Rainbow off
of her friend, her feet planted on either side of his body and
her hands wrapped firmly around his collar. But no amount of
tugging was lifting the eager dog away.
Giving up on the
brute force approach, Erin released her hold on the dog and
tossed the Frisbee, sending Rainbow on the chase again. She
knelt down beside the tall officer and helped pull her into a
sitting position. "I'm sorry about that," Erin
apologized. "He's a little overzealous now and
then." She grinned ruefully at the understatement as she
helped Carol pick blades of grass out of her hair. The strands
were silky against her fingertips and caused Erin's heart to
flutter slightly. Her attraction to this woman was absolutely
"No need to
apologize. I love animals," Carol smiled in response,
evidently oblivious to the effect she was having on the
that plant wet kisses all over your face?" Erin
questioned as Carol wiped her cheek with her sweatshirt
depends on the animal. There are some kisses I like more than
others," Carol bantered easily, trying to reroute the
conversation and embarrass the brash young blonde.
so?" Erin replied with her eyebrow arched, considering
possibilities, feeling her face warm again. The twinkle in the
dark woman's eyes told her that she'd fallen for Carol's
Carol's mind went
blank except for two thoughts - one, Erin definitely had
accepted the flirting and two, she really wanted to find out
what Erin's kisses would be like. Though brave a moment
before, the reality of it was a little more than she was ready
for so Carol visibly shook the images out of her mind and
moved to her feet, mumbling something about the returning dog.
Erin, for her part,
stayed still a moment, soaking up what had just transpired.
She knew Carol had initiated the playfulness and the flirting
and she knew now by the other woman's reaction how awkward it
felt to her. What she didn't know was how much Carol was
playing and how much of her was seriously interested in
pursuing something further. And even if she were interested,
would the officer have the courage to explore it? She was
reasonably certain Carol didn't have a lot of experience in
pursuing romantic relationships with women. The dark woman's
rigid, up-tight attitude left Erin little doubt Carol would
not be making any bold moves. That would have to be Erin's
task but she didn't want to rush into things either. Given
time, perhaps the officer would come to her.
Carol threw the toy
again as Erin came to her feet, dusting off her pants and
raising her face to the sunlit sky. The officer wanted to find
a topic of conversation that might ease the awkwardness they'd
settled into. She could think of one that would make the
silence go away.
"So what's the
greater good?" Carol asked slowly. "You said you
would explain it to me if I stopped by."
begin ..." Erin pondered. "It's a theory. A way of
life ... It says that our own existence isn't as important as
the living condition of man. I would sacrifice my own life, if
need be, for something I thought would be best for
"I'm not sure
I follow you," Carol confessed, glancing away from
Rainbow's continued antics to meet the gentle green eyes of
take that peace rally where you ran me in," Erin smirked
and waited for Carol's reaction. When Carol grinned too she
continued. "I could have been killed by being that close
to your force. But I had a message to present - violence is
not the answer to maintaining order, be it here or in Vietnam.
If I died by trying to get that message out then so be it. My
death would result in people taking notice - maybe ten more
people would have taken up the cause as a result. And from
there perhaps ten more. And ten more. And ten more -"
Carol interrupted, pretty sure the blonde would continue in
her present phrasing for quite awhile. "So if you'd been
killed it would have drawn attention to your cause. I
understand," she agreed, seeing a huge flaw in the plan.
Her grin and shaking head illustrated her unspoken words.
"But it's not
just that. I would have given my life for something I believe
in. I would have made a difference unlike the soldiers in Asia
now. All they know is death and destruction. They kill
innocents in the name of 'Old Glory' ... That's not the
America I know and love," Erin responded, warming to the
subject and wanting her companion to understand just how much
she was willing to give.
telling me you're a patriot?!" Carol laughed, the imagery
not quite fitting. "It doesn't look like it to me."
I don't agree with the course America's taken? I think I'm
more American than anyone who sits in congress. I know I'm
more American than Tricky Dick who sits in the White House. I
don't have to like what my country is doing but I'll always
love what it stands for. It's just that right now I think we
are getting off course from what we stand for."
"So do all you
flower power types think this way?" Carol asked with
condescension in her voice, regretting the tone immediately
but unable to stop it from creeping in.
Yes," The blonde responded with a raised eyebrow. Aside
from general good-natured teasing, this was the first time
she'd felt that Carol didn't approve of her or her lifestyle.
"So tell me
... do you go to airports and spit on the soldiers who come
home? I mean, after all, they're the key element in what the
country is doing wrong in your eyes," Carol replied
"I would never
do that," Erin said, growing angry and taking a step away
from Carol so she would be better able to look at the woman's
expression without bending her neck backwards.
When Carol didn't
look at her, Erin put her hand on Carol's arm for emphasis.
she said calmly, controlling her rising emotions. "If
they chose to serve this action then that's their choice. I
don't agree with it, I think every young man should burn his
draft card. But I can't blame those who go if that's the right
decision for them. It would make me a pretty damn big
hypocrite, don't you think?"
about people doing what they think is best then chastising
those who do just that would make you a hypocrite," Carol
agreed, the smaller woman's touch warm on her arm. "But
if that's the case, what are your options?"
"I'm not sure
what you mean about options," Erin tilted her head
slightly, confusion showing on her wrinkled brow.
Carol had to think
a moment to collect her thoughts. She was more a woman of
actions than words and she had to admit this little blonde had
her on her toes. It was obvious that Erin had a lot more
experience in verbal debates and in expressing her beliefs and
feelings. "What I mean is: if you don't hold the soldiers
accountable for what's going on then who do you blame?"
The lawmakers. They-"
Carol held her
finger up. "Then why aren't you working within the system
for change? Let's be honest. The lawmakers see you as nothing
more than pot addicts making a lot of noise."
Erin smiled and
nodded in agreement. "Yes. I think that's exactly how the
establishment views us ... and for that very reason I don't
want to be a part of the 'ole boys club'," she retorted.
Carol felt the jab,
she scowled slightly. "But you think I do. Is that
"I didn't say
that," Erin replied evasively, though she did see it a
little bit. Carol was trying to do the right thing, trying to
make a difference in her own way, but she was wrapped up in a
machine that was confining and restricting and belonged to the
brash men of society. She was shunned for her gender and her
skill overlooked. Surely she could see that?
"Not in so
many words," Carol argued, fidgeting, refusing to take
the Frisbee from a frantic Rainbow. She didn't want Erin to
see her that way; she didn't want to be that way. "But
that's what you meant. You have no idea why I joined the
force. So who are you to judge me?"
judging you, Carol," she began gently, sensing the other
woman's quick temper and defensiveness. "But you are
right when you say I have no idea why you joined." Erin
could feel her blood getting warmer - her own anger rising.
"How could someone who's so bright, intelligent, strong
and sometimes witty want to be part of a machine? A machine
built on the WASP philosophy of life? A machine that says if
you're not the right color, sex, age or education you're not
worthy? Forget about me spitting on soldiers. How many times
have you detained a black man a little longer just for kicks?!
How many times have you pushed a beatnik off a street corner
for a laugh?!"
Carol lost what
little control she had on her emotions and bent down so she
was mere inches from Erin. Her steel blue eyes bored into the
young woman's misty green. She held her there in a silent
glare for several long seconds, wanting to impress upon her
these next words which were absolutely true.
"Never," Carol whispered, her hot breath brushing
across Erin's face and moving blonde locks of hair.
"Never. I have a sense of honor despite what you may
think of me."
really?" the blonde answered quickly, her own anger
dancing like flames in those emerald eyes. "Maybe you
haven't," she nodded smugly, not backing down in the
slightest. "But I bet you know people on the force that
Carol flinched and
turned away, backing down from the fight, knowing there was
truth in the young woman's words. She had seen it although she
was never a party to it. At least that's what she told herself
as she began to walk away, the uncertainty warring with her
anger for control of her emotions. She left the young blonde
standing in the shade of the tree, green eyes watching her
every move. Erin's voice stopped her steps before she'd gotten
"You know it
happens, Carol. And you do nothing to stop it. And whether you
choose to believe it or not, you're a good ole boy, too,
because you turn the other cheek," Erin called. But her
voice was gentle and pleading, the anger having drained away.
She wanted Carol to see the whole picture, to see the role she
played in it.
Rainbow sensed the
tension between the women and wisely stayed down in the sunny
spot he had picked in the grass moments before. The animal
watched and whimpered as Carol slowly walked back to Erin.
"I joined the
force so I could make a difference," Carol announced
slowly, believing it to be true. "I'm trying to open
doors for women that have never been open before. I'm trying
to keep order in this unruly age. Don't be a hypocrite, Erin.
I'm doing it my way; just like you're doing it yours."
Her voice was soft, urging the smaller woman to understand.
She'd wanted so badly to make a difference, to provide people
like Erin a fair and honest counterpart on the force. She
wanted the young blonde to see her that way and not as an
uncaring member of the establishment.
Erin sighed along
with Rainbow who now had his chin on his paws, eyes flashing
between his two friends.
sorry," Erin apologized sincerely, reaching a hand out
and laying it on Carol's muscular arm. "I didn't want to
fight. That wasn't the intention of my invitation."
Since Erin had
opened the door, Carol walked on through it. "And just
why did you invite me?" she prodded, relaxing
inexplicably at the younger woman's gentle touch. This was the
answer she really wanted. Was Erin as interested in her as she
was in the hippie?
"I ... uh ...
I just thought ... I thought maybe there was more to you than
most folks see," Erin stuttered, uncertainly, being put
on the spot. That was NOT groovy, Erin thought silently,
kicking herself in the butt. So much for being suave and
seductive. She didn't add anything more for fear of shoving
her foot any farther into her mouth.
Carol wasn't sure
what to make of Erin's sudden lack of grace. She was very
eloquent, well spoken, she appeared to always have a solid
handle on things. The innocent question left the young beatnik
nearly tongue-tied. Carol had to smile as she assumed the
other woman's behavior answered her biggest question.
whatever the reason," Carol said trying to lighten the
girl's discomfort, "I'm glad you did."
Erin knew this was
the only opening she would get. She had to take it now.
"Would you like to do it again sometime? Minus the
arguing ... well, maybe not as much arguing. I don't like to
make promises I can't keep," She grinned faintly, her
stomach tied in knots waiting for the taller woman to respond.
Carol saw that
angelic grin and agreed immediately. "Sounds great ...
but I don't want to take up too much of your time."
Erin regretted her desperate reaction instantly. "I mean
... It wouldn't be a bother at all. I could use some time out
of the house anyway. That's if you're interested. I mean you
are interested aren't you?" She stuttered stupidly and
then decided that closing her mouth would be the best
hard. Was she interested? She was, she realized but at this
point she couldn't tell just how much. Or more to the point,
she wasn't ready to admit to herself just how much. Outwardly,
she grinned slightly and took a step closer, letting her body
language imply as much as the young blonde was willing to read
this Friday?" the dark-haired officer asked casually.
"I know you're not big into movies but maybe there's
something playing you might like to see."
Erin grinned and
nodded in agreement, not trusting her voice. With a whistle to
Rainbow, they were on their way.
What had started as
a bad morning only promised to get worse. Carol had been late
getting up, a brief power outage causing her alarm to reset.
So she felt half-ready when she walked into the middle of roll
call, her hair still wet and pulled tightly into a thick
braid. She smoothed her uniform self-consciously as she sat
next to Randell in her appointed seat. He cast her a sideways
glance that was a mixture of amusement and consternation.
Carol ignored him and the other glances she received.
held his tongue when they hit the road in their patrol car.
Carol had been prepared for a verbal berating about looking
bad in front of the men but she was rewarded with no such
discussion. For that she was grateful.
It was a slow
morning as they drove their beat with little interference and
no radio calls. Towards lunchtime they agreed to stop for some
doughnuts. Though the pastry was Randell's delicacy and not
Carol's, she felt justified in giving in since he'd spared her
a tongue lashing for her tardiness.
They stood in line
quietly, not speaking while they watched the patrons in front
of them. Carol wasn't paying too much attention until a black
kid standing at the counter started raising his voice at
Eddie, the shop's regular cashier.
charge me more for my doughnut than you did for his," the
kid raised his voice, shaking his head. "I only brought
what the doughnut costs."
can't have a doughnut, boy. Move a long, I have other
customers." Eddie was not impressed by the young man's
display and quickly moved his attention to the next person in
"Don't blow me
off, man! I'm a paying customer!" the kid was outraged,
stepping forward. "Dr. King gave me the right to buy a
damn doughnut and you sure as hell aren't going to take that
right away from me!"
Carol grew uneasy,
watching the crowd as their attention was riveted to the
display. Eddie shook his head, a smug grin on his face.
"I don't have time for your nigger garbage. Move
woman cringed and evaluated the situation. It was bound to get
out of hand rather quickly. She checked out the rest of their
patrons, tried to determine everyone's position and what kind
of role they may play. She needed to get the kid out of here
and calmed down. Later she'd come back and read Eddie the riot
act. The asshole's narrow-minded view needed a good shaking
The one part of the
equation she'd not seriously considered in her layout of the
small shop was her partner. Though often an idiot, Randell was
a professional and she'd assumed his mind was following the
same tract hers was since their training had been the same.
She was mistaken.
forward and rested a hand on the butt of his weapon. "You
heard him, move along, boy."
the kid shouted, dancing from foot to foot. He was either high
or nervous or a little bit of both as he watched his new
adversary with slitted dark eyes. "Martin Luther King
died for my rights! You're nobody! I deserve to be treated
equally." Angrily he shoved his hands in the pockets of
his ratty red hooded sweatshirt. Carol recognized it for the
frustration it was, Randell saw something else there.
"Knock it off,
kid," the male officer growled, his voice low and
threatening, his hand flexing on the handle of his service
revolver though it was still holstered.
Randell," Carol stepped forward, touched her angry
partner's tense shoulder, "He's just a kid. He wants a
doughnut for God sakes. I'll buy him his doughnut." She
turned to Eddie. "How much?"
buying a doughnut for that nigger," Eddie shook his head,
his lip curled in a smirk.
"Knock it off,
Eddie," Carol said, her voice low and dangerous, her blue
eyes glinting like ice. "I want a God damned doughnut for
the kid. My money's just as good as his money ... same as your
"Carol, get a
grip," her partner scoffed. "Kid doesn't need a
The kid in question
shook his head in exasperation and started backing up, hands
fidgeting in his pockets still. "Forget it, lady. I'd
sooner cut y'all to pieces than take your damn charity."
defeated. She was disappointed that the boy had misinterpreted
her actions. While rotating on her booted heel away from the
counter and towards her partner and the frustrated teen, she
heard a reverberating crack. With utter shock she watched as
the boy fell to the floor, a red blossom growing at his
stomach on the white T-shirt revealed between the unzipped
front of his sweatshirt.
She paused just
long enough to stupidly register that his blood was almost
purple compared to the bright red of the sweatshirt. Then she
sprinted across the floor and fell on her knees at his side.
"Call an ambulance right now, dammit!" She turned to
look at her partner. "Put that away, Randell!"
The rest was a blur
until Carol stood outside their boss's office where Randell
was inside discussing the shooting. She leaned her head back
wearily against the wall and reconsidered the day's events.
The kid had made it to the hospital but was in intensive care
listed in critical condition. Carol had ridden in the
ambulance with him, leaving Randell behind to talk to the
officers newly arrived on the scene to question the witnesses.
She could only imagine what they'd said.
Carol sighed. She
was confused and angry and sad. The whole scene played over
and over in her mind and she was weary of the obvious
conclusion. Randell had no reason to open fire. It was a kid,
wanting a doughnut. She could see his lithe body crumpling to
the linoleum floor and swimming in blood. His blood. As red as
hers and Randell's. It had drained from him like a fountain,
seeping between her long fingers as she'd tried to staunch the
flow of it, hot and sticky, from his body. But there was so
much of it and it was so warm, she swallowed back tears,
blinked her eyes at the fluorescent lights lining the ceiling.
Oh God, what had she done?
with a slight grin and a confident step. He nodded once to his
partner before making his way to the locker rooms to prepare
himself to go home. Carol sighed, part of her wishing she had
gone home already, putting off the interview, but she'd wanted
to get it over with while it was still fresh in her mind. She
rose to her full height and turned to the gruff man who stood
in the doorway of his office, eyeing her.
Johnson. I don't want to talk to you tonight-"
shooting board?" Carol interrupted, confused.
He raised a hand to
stall her, the look on his face was obviously annoyance.
"I want you to have the whole weekend to think about
this. I want you to consider your fellow officers and our
mission to uphold peace ... and that lippy kid who threatened
your partner. Your partner, Johnson. Think long and hard and
I'll talk to you first thing Monday morning." With that
he slammed the door in her face.
She blinked. Surely
he hadn't just told her he expected her to lie. Had he? He
wanted her to cover for Randell? Didn't he care that Randell
had shot a kid, regardless of skin color, and left him in the
She turned on her
heel and headed towards the locker room to find her partner.
"Wanna tell me
what happened?" Carol asked once she and Randell were
alone in the back.
there, you saw it."
thinking I saw something different. All I saw was a kid
wanting a damn doughnut, Randell. I didn't see anything
warranting the use of a weapon.
less nigger kid in this world? I'm sure his momma's got a
tribe more at their house."
Carol's lips and
vocal cords refused to move. She couldn't believe what she had
just heard. Randell began to make his way around her but she
stopped him by grabbing his arm before he got away.
on," she replied. "I'm your partner and I have a
right to know what happened especially when the reporters come
beating down our door ... For the last time ... what happened
in that doughnut shop this morning?"
him, Carol. He threatened to cut us up. He had a knife in his
pocket. I had no choice," Randell said innocently,
turning away to finish organizing his locker before slamming
the door closed. He sat on a rickety wooden bench and began
tying his shoelaces.
"He said no
such thing, Randell. I was at the hospital with him and there
was no knife in his pocket," she stared at the man before
her with nothing less than astonishment on her features.
Surely she would have remembered if he'd threatened them.
finishing with one foot and raising up the other. "That's
cuz the knife was on the scene. Found it on the floor."
what happened, kid had a knife. Now the captain tells me I
have to go before the review board. I guess the reporters were
raising a stink - race issues and things like that. I didn't
shoot that kid cuz he's a nigger. After I told the story to
the captain he agrees with me and doesn't think it will be a
Carol teetered on
the edge of giving the older man a piece of her mind and
backing away to consider his words. She really didn't get far
in her decision making as he stood up and stepped around her.
When he was next to her, he spoke very softly. "Partners
support partners around here, Carol. They'll be looking to you
to confirm my story." With that he left the room.
She took Randell's
spot on the bench and covered her head in her hands. She
thought of the kid in the hospital. She thought of the
implications for Randell that lay ahead. But she also wondered
just what Erin would say or more importantly, how she herself
would justify it. She was pretty certain she couldn't lie for
Randell, consequences be damned.
"Is ... Skylon
... here?" Carol asked casually once Minos opened the
She stressed Erin's
hippie name, waiting to see if Minos would have any disputes
with her presence this time around. The name didn't help.
Minos still didn't seem very impressed with Erin's outside
Minos didn't take
her eyes off Carol as she yelled, "Skylon your c- ...
friend is here."
Minos had agreed to
keep Carol's police identity a secret from the house and she'd
had to catch herself from calling Carol a cop and breaking her
promise. Carol could hear Erin's racing feet making their way
downstairs and she had to smile at the thought of seeing her
young friend. After such a bad day, she'd been looking forward
to spending some time with the gregarious blonde tonight.
Erin said arriving at the door, almost winded from her quick
journey. Minos stood still, sizing the two of them up. The
younger woman realized that Minos wasn't about to give them
any privacy so she pushed her way between the doorway and her
friend so she could slide onto the porch with Carol.
"I'm not sure
how late we'll be so don't wait up okay?" Erin told her.
"I'm not your
mother, Skylon," Minos grinned.
yeah?" Erin responded, returning the teasing smile,
"Then why have you stayed up every other time I'm out
after dark, huh?"
all right," Minos confessed. "So I worry about
worry tonight," Erin said wrapping her arm playfully
around Carol's. "I'm quite well protected."
be," Minos said in a warning tone that wasn't lost on the
dark cop. She grinned sheepishly, still wanting to be friends
with Minos if for no other reason than the older woman was
obviously important to Erin.
be," Carol said sincerely, nodding her head for emphasis.
With a slight tug, the two left the house and proceeded to
walk down the street.
"It's a nice
night out tonight. Care if we just walk a ways?" Erin
Carol answered with a smile, secretly grateful that the
younger woman had left their arms hooked. "Fine by me.
Any idea about what you want to do?"
theater is putting on a production of 'Hair.' Did you want to
go?" Erin asked.
"Have you seen
it before?" Carol questioned, not knowing much about the
play except it seemed to be popular with those of Erin's
the blonde nodded in response. "But I don't mind seeing
it again. Besides I get something new outta it every
to me," Carol agreed despite her misgivings. She figured
she might learn something as well and it could distract her
from today's events. However, she really didn't want it to
spark another argument between her and her young friend.
A small silence
fell between them until Erin asked, "So what's the story
on that shooting I heard about today?"
Though Carol had
known this was going to come up, she'd really hoped it would
be later rather than sooner. "You mean the kid in the
doughnut shop?" Carol asked just for clarification,
knowing that was exactly what Erin meant.
"Yeah - Jimmy
Robbins," her companion replied.
him?" Carol asked with a raised eyebrow. She'd only
gotten his name once they were at the hospital and she'd had
to dig through his pockets for information to give the nurses.
seen him at the student union once in a while. Nice kid. Can't
imagine him giving anyone a hard time."
Carol shook her
head and chuckled grimly. When Carol didn't voice her thoughts
Erin dragged them out of her.
it?" the flower child asked.
"You know the
victim," Carol began.
Erin simply gave a
"I know the
"Well it was
your precinct after all," Erin remarked. "I figured
"No, Erin, the
shooter - I mean the cop ... is my partner."
Erin had to take a
moment for the implication to sink in. Now she was kind of
wishing she hadn't smoked that joint before Carol's arrival.
Slowly her mind turned - it wasn't just someone in the squad
Carol knew. It was someone with whom she worked quite closely.
story on the shooting? Were you there?" Erin asked
softly, trying to stay neutral and give her friend some room
to discuss the issue.
"He said the
kid was mouthing off and then he started to threaten him. So
he shot him," Carol answered, avoiding the last part of
the question though she knew any attempt to evade it
completely was a waste in time and effort.
"What did you
see, Carol?" Erin prodded gently, sensing both from the
arm she held and the taller woman's stature that she wasn't
comfortable with the topic.
"I didn't see
what he saw," she said simply, glancing to the young
woman at her side. She thought the blonde's eyes looked a
little unfocused and the realization made her grin slightly.
"I'm not sure what else to say, Erin. Or should I call
you Skylon?" she said jokingly at the end, to ease the
tension, hoping for a subject change.
Erin considered the
options of her name. No one had called her by her actual birth
name since high school. She was getting ready to graduate with
her political science degree this spring and she was going to
be an adult. For some reason her hippie name just didn't fit
when Carol said it. Besides she liked the sound of her actual
name from the other woman's lips.
fine," the honey-blonde grinned but she began to digest
Carol's words, not letting the dark-haired woman sidestep the
issue. "Mouthing off doesn't seem like Jimmy's style,
Carol. I'm not saying that he's an angel or anything, I don't
know him that well, but he was always very mild-mannered when
I saw him."
averted her eyes. "I think he was on something, maybe.
Blood work'll tell that. He was pretty worked up over
something, talking about his rights and Dr. Martin Luther
King. I had my back turned right before the gunshot, I didn't
even see Randell pull his weapon. But it's not his style to
fire for no reason. Maybe I missed something."
Erin began gently, able to tell even through her high that
Carol had doubts about the story she was telling. Her ice blue
eyes were evasive as they studied the street around them.
"You don't believe that. If you'd really thought Jimmy
was a threat, your back wouldn't have been turned. You didn't
"He's good at
what he does," Carol said faintly, knowing that her
argument was weak but not having the energy to stand up for a
point she didn't really believe.
"So he's a
defender of human civil rights? Lobbying for you to join the
baseball team?" Erin pressed with a wily grin, trying to
ease the pressure though dying to get the entire story out of
her somber companion.
"I didn't say
that," Carol responded with a very slight smile, hoping
that this was a sign Erin was ready to let the topic go. She
hadn't sorted it out in her own mind and wasn't prepared to
analyze it out loud yet.
would know him better than me, right?" Erin asked
Carol nodded, relieved that the hippie was willing to drop it
after all. She was also a little surprised that Erin had
sensed her awkwardness and willingly backed away. Perhaps
tonight wouldn't be a night of fighting.
are," Erin announced, going to the ticket window and
propping her elbows on the wooden counter. "Two
please," she told the clerk.
Erin," the officer insisted. "Let me get it."
"Think I can't
pay my own way? Is that it?" Erin prodded, a glimmer in
those green eyes that Carol was growing so fond of.
taller woman argued, drawing her voice out slowly with the
explanation. "But I do know I make more than you so it's
only right that I pay."
quibble further as they made their way inside. She did however
whisper into Erin's ear, "I am going to buy dinner later
- no arguments."
The blonde couldn't
help but love that protective, forceful nature of Carol's. She
nodded silently, taking the other woman's large hand in hers,
using the dark as an excuse to guide her.
"How can you
say that?!" Erin asked before sticking another french fry
in her mouth, chewing quickly. "It was a remarkable play.
A landmark in our own time!"
Carol smiled and
shook her head sadly, blue eyes twinkling in the artificial
light of the burger joint Erin had chosen. It was far enough
away that they'd gone back to the house to retrieve Carol's
car and driven here but the cop was pleasantly surprised with
the quality of the food and had already told her companion so.
"It was a bunch of people running around on stage ...
naked ... singing about masturbation."
something against masturbation?" Erin joked. Her resolve
fell apart and she found herself grinning with embarrassment
from asking such an impulsive question. The flush from her
cheeks, however, came more from the standpoint of imagining
Carol masturbating than from the assertiveness of her words.
Now that had possibilities. "I'm sorry. Really I
am," Erin said turning twenty shades of red and studying
her plate with infinite concentration.
Carol realized this
was the first time they had even come close to discussing sex
so she didn't want to just drop it. She wanted to plunge
deeper into it and explore her friend's thoughts a little more
closely. So she answered Erin's question and posed one
herself. "In response," Carol said smugly, "I
have nothing against masturbation. I think fantasy is healthy.
Would you agree?"
Erin wasn't quite
sure where this was going but she nodded slowly and cleared
her throat, risking a brief glance at Carol's probing eyes.
"I ...would ...agree," she answered straining, to
get the words out.
"So tell me
Erin ... between you and me, no holds barred, who do you think
of?" Carol asked mischievously, warming to the subject
readily. She'd never been this invasive before and had she
stopped to consider it, the audacity would have startled her.
"What do you
mean?" Erin asked slowly, raising her head only slightly.
She tried to nonchalantly chew a fry but she nearly gagged on
Carol smiled. She
was sure the hippie was aware of exactly what she meant but if
she wanted it spelled out ...
alone, and your fingertips are working your body into a
frenzy, who do you think about? Is it you in your fantasies?
Or do you close your eyes and imagine someone? Or maybe you're
a good girl and you don't do that kind of thing, huh?"
Carol hadn't noticed how husky her voice had gotten but she
did feel the temperature in the room go up considerably.
nervously, "I'm not a good girl," she admitted not
looking at Carol but giving up any attempt to finish her food.
then," Carol said before pausing to drink more of her
chocolate malt. "Who is it? Lemme guess ... some big rock
Erin listened to
the words but her attention was focused on saying what needed
to be said. Saying what she had wanted to say for quite some
time as she'd been getting to know this dark woman better and
better. "No," she answered when Carol stopped and
waited for some sort of response. "I don't think of rock
stars. It's usually people that I know."
guess again. Bill?" Carol said with a grin, hoping her
attitude of levity was taking some of the seriousness away
from her inquiry.
Erin said with a small shake of her head, finally looking up
to meet Carol's eyes, seeing in them a mixture of gentle humor
and sincere affection. That look gave her a little courage.
Carol tried again.
Erin shook her head.
perhaps?" Carol smiled flatly as she tried to disguise
that this was the answer she most wanted to know. Was Erin
attracted to women? Was this even possible? The name made Erin
look away again.
Erin said just above a whisper. She didn't look at Carol, she
couldn't. The embarrassment of admitting the truth was almost
too much. Instead she watched her fingers as her french fry
made lazy trails in the puddle of ketchup on her plate.
"I think about you," she said a little more loudly
when Carol hadn't responded.
"I heard you
the first time," Carol finally acknowledged, trying to
shake herself out of the shock from her friend's statement. It
was ironic, really. That was exactly what she'd been fishing
for but she hadn't thought the blonde would come right out and
answer her unspoken question.
should drive me home now," Erin offered, sullenly. She'd
gone too far. For all of Carol's brazen teasing, the reality
really was more than she was ready for. Erin regretted the
silence across the table and her own admission, which had
ended their blossoming friendship.
wiped her fingers in her napkin. It felt like forever but
finally Carol answered.
that's a good idea," the officer agreed. She had to think
about this and here really wasn't the place to do that. So
lost in her own emotions, she didn't notice how glum Erin
appeared as she stood and waited for the blonde to rise from
the table and turn towards the door.
They drove in
absolute silence. Erin still hadn't met Carol's eyes. As the
car pulled to a stop in front of the house the young hippie
watched Carol put the car in park.
"What are you
doing?" Erin asked, finally looking over at the object of
Carol whispered as she leaned over and kissed Erin gently on
the cheek. She stroked the other cheek with her fingertips.
Reflexively Erin closed her eyes, soaking up the tenderness.
"Would you tell me your fantasies some time?" the
cop asked cautiously. "I'll share mine if you'll share
Erin didn't know
how to respond so she nodded mutely, overwhelmed by the move
that Carol had just made and how closely it matched her own
desires. The dark-haired woman pulled away and started to
laugh softly, feeling nearly giddy with her admission and
Erin's warmth so close to her side.
The younger woman
tensed. Had Carol been playing with her feelings? Was she now
going to kick her out of the car shouting a few unpleasant
names at her in the process? Surely she hadn't misjudged the
other woman so completely.
"What is it
Carol?" Erin asked confused, not sure she wanted to hear
the answer but needing to know just the same.
Carol paused a
moment and saw how nervous Erin had become. The young woman
looked like she was on the verge of tears. Carol quickly
explained her change in behavior.
sweetheart, it's not you. It's me," Carol smiled,
bringing the back of her fingers up again to stroke Erin's
face. That helped the young woman relax somewhat. "I wish
I had some way of telling you how you make me feel. I'm not
good with words - never have been. And for the first time in
my life it truly feels like a deficit because ... there's so
much I'd like to express. You make me feel so many things.
Things I never felt before. I'm not a lesbian. I've never been
interested in a woman ... until now. I - I'm rambling now so
I'll just shut up." The officer shook her head weakly,
frustrated at her inability to share her feelings with the one
person that needed to hear them.
Erin paused and
took a deep breath. "When you wake up do you think of
me?" she asked. Carol nodded silently. "Am I the
last thought you have before bed?" Another nod. "Do
you see things or hear things and wonder what I might think
Carol finally said aloud. "All those things. How did you
feel them too. You're in my thoughts constantly, Carol. It
scares me because ... oh man," Erin paused she wasn't
sure how much to confess and it showed. But Carol gently
prodded her to go on.
voice," Erin continued, "is like a siren's call and
those eyes are the bluest blue I've ever seen. You keep me
centered by questioning my direction in life and I light up
when you're near me. I miss you when you're gone and I count
the minutes until I can see you again. So I'm scared, Carol,
because I've never felt like this before. Nothing was this
important to me before."
Carol teased, knowing how much the greater good meant to the
Erin's face held no
laughter, only sincerity. "Nothing," she replied
honestly and hoped the earnestness showed in her features and
in her eyes. "The way I feel about you ... lets just say
it's pretty far out."
It was Carol's turn
to feel nervous. She wanted to kiss Erin but she didn't know
what to do. Erin didn't recognize the look on Carol's face but
it made her grin foolishly, the tenseness of the situation
lending to her silliness.
Carol asked tilting her head against the headrest of her seat,
a lazy smile on her lips.
Erin just shook her
head and shrugged, "Nothing really. You just looked
perplexed there for a moment."
that," Carol's smile grew. "I wanted to kiss you but
I didn't know how to go about it. I mean should I just kiss
you and hope I don't get slapped. Do I ask first - very
friendly and very politely. I mean what's the proper etiquette
when it comes to two women?" she finished with a chuckle.
know," Erin confessed. "You're the first women I've
wanted to kiss. But -
Carol asked her head shooting up from its resting spot. She'd
assumed that Erin had been with other women because of her
cavalier attitude. She'd even gone so far as to assume Minos
had been one of them.
yeah!" the blonde said in mock defense.
"I'm sorry. I
just thought you were ... experienced," Carol finished
for lack of a better word.
"I'm not a
virgin," Erin laughed. "But I've never fooled around
with a woman either."
Carol looked a bit
concerned as she considered her smaller friend's words.
"Well if you've never been with a woman and I've never
been with a woman ... how are we going to know ..."
do?" Erin finished.
Carol grinned and
"I'm sure if
we put our heads together as well as a few other body parts we
can figure things out."
A small rumble of
laughter filled the car but quickly died down. Carol gently
cupped the back of Erin's head and brought her closer. Both
women felt the explosion go through their bodies at the impact
of the kiss. It was soft yet searching. Both wanting to know
if the depths of the other's desire was real. Once Erin was
satisfied that the other woman's intentions were true, she
moaned. The vibrations it sent through Carol evoked a similar
response. When they finally did separate, both women seemed to
be gasping for air. However, the blonde soon found Carol's
neckline and began planting little nips and kisses along a
path up to an enticing earlobe.
"Why don't you
stay tonight?" Erin whispered in Carol's ear, licking
where her breath had warmed. She thrilled at the shudder than
ran through her companion's body.
Carol's desire to
take the young woman was unbearable. Gently she grasped Erin's
shoulders and disengaged her from her activities. The cop
still held the younger woman in place as she rested her
forehead on Erin's.
"I ... I have
never been this turned on in my life, but I ... I need time,
Erin," Carol said sincerely, hoping she didn't hurt the
understand," Erin confessed honestly. "I'm not sure
if I'm ready yet either. I just have a habit of letting my
emotions get the better of me."
"That's not a
bad trait," Carol replied with a very tender grin.
"A few minutes ago it felt pretty wonderful," she
chuckled dryly again before growing serious. "Honestly
though, I think we both need more time before, well, you
know," Erin grinned. She kissed Carol delicately on the
forehead though she had to restrain herself from doing more.
"See you again this weekend maybe?" Erin asked
hopefully, knowing her voice sounded nearly pleading.
it," Carol answered soundly, nodding. She was glad to
hear that Erin wanted this as much as she did.
"I should be
here so just drop by if you get the chance," Erin said
calmly with a shrug of slim shoulders. No big deal, right?
Erin," Carol caught her attention. "No more playing
it cool and casual. I'll be here this weekend. Tomorrow at six
great," Erin answered with relief, a gentle grin playing
at her lips. She got out and closed the door. She blew a kiss
to Carol, which the officer caught, making her smile. Watching
the Mustang pull away, Erin almost ran right into Minos.
"I thought I
told you not to wait up?" Erin teased and avoided her
friend's inquisitive gaze. She knew the look in her own eyes
would reveal everything.
lipstick I see on your collar?" Minos teased back, having
no intention of letting the small blonde off the hook so
Erin didn't reply
immediately. Instead, she asked simply, "How much did you
Minos was smiling and put her arm around her friend. She
closed the door behind them. "But you gotta tell me who
made the first move."