All That Matters
Xena Fanfiction, Xena fanfic, Xena fan fiction, Xena and
Xena and the gang aren’t mine. They belong to
MCA/Universal/Studio USA and a bunch of other folks who now
own them. It is the musings of a certain warrior princess and
her affection for another woman. If the thought of two ladies
in love is unappealing please proceed on to another story.
story is for my Amazon elder, smeef, who asked for a heartfelt
non-gratuitous story. Hope you like it smeef (G).
During Gabrielle's birthday party in 'Takes One To Know One'
Xena enjoys watching her bard.
Drop me a line at email@example.com.
All That Matters
Silently, I watch
her. Every move. Every gesture. They are captured by my eyes,
just as solidly as she has captured my soul.
Our friends and
family surround her with smiles and laughter. The joy that
flashes in her eyes with every single smile her sister makes,
or every chuckle Autolycus allows to escape, makes my own
She opens her gifts
with childlike delight. She’s a woman now... in every sense
of the word. But she still manages to stay connected with the
little girl she once was. Her heart has stayed unhardened by
all the pain she’s encountered. Her mind is still open to
accepting every soul she meets. At times, I envy this ability
of hers and at others, such as tonight, I revel in it. Her
elation of new experiences somehow contagiously infects me.
Years ago, she
taught me how to smile again. But more importantly she taught
me how to enjoy it. She speaks often of how much I’ve given
her; how much I’ve taught her – but I know the truth.
She’s the real teacher here, showing me that hope and love
can go on in spite of a troubled past and I am her humble and
finished opening her presents – a set of scrolls from Joxer,
a silk sleeping robe from Autolycus, an assortment of dried
foods and nutbread from my mother, a quill and ink blotter
from Minya and a hair clip from Lila who sees it as a useless
gift, given my bards new hairstyle.
But Gabrielle, ever
the optimist, soon has her sister smiling genuine smiles.
Lila’s nervous ‘failure’ as a gift giver is laid to
rest. She has this power.
In fact, she has
many powers. The power to find light in even the darkest hour.
The power to make handsome men weak in the knees with a coy
grin – men and even one warrior princess. I’ve never
surrendered to anyone but I can surrender to Gabrielle.
She makes me blush
too – something else no one has been able to do. No one but
her. Yet, instead of finding embarrassment, I find love.
‘Red is a good color on you’, she teases me often. I act
offended but she knows the truth. I love it. I smile now as I
the memories of such times return to my mind.
one, are you enjoying yourself?"
It’s the voice of
so," I tell her. My eyes have yet to leave my bard. When
I do look, I see a well-rooted smile on my mothers' aging
beautiful," she comments.
It’s a simple
statement, but it conveys so much meaning – things that go
far beyond the physical beauty of Gabrielle. Beautiful is only
one word. I could think of a million others that could mean
just as much.
brings with it a sense of peace. I can feel my mother’s
approval with my choice. After bringing her so much pain and
shame. I delight in bringing her this joy. The joy of
Gabrielle. My mother would always love me, but Gabrielle would
have a special place in her heart. She knows as I do, it’s
Gabrielle who keeps me sane, keeps me hopeful and keeps me
I travel the
countryside, but I’ve never felt this ‘settled’ and
it’s a wonderful feeling. I belong to something other than
the fight, or a cause or even myself. I belong to Gabrielle
– mind, body and soul. And there’s no other place I’d
long to be.
I suddenly think of
married men who we meet in our travels. Men who have bored of
their wives and try to find comfort in the arms of another –
usually my bard by the way, which I promptly stop. I can’t
imagine that ever happening to me because when I look at my
bard, I see my whole life. I only pray she feels the same as
she looks upon me. As her eyes now catch mine from across the
room I can tell, I should not have such fears. For she loves
me, as I love her – utterly; completely.
Gods know I’m not
easy to live with and vise versa. She’s not always a
festival of laughs to be around, nor am I. However, we take
our quirks, as she calls them, and adapt, sometimes even
I chuckle silently
in my mind as I think of my early riser quirk and
Gabrielle’s means to ‘fix it’.
At an inn near
Athens I woke one morning to having my feet and hands bound to
our bed. My first reaction, being ever the warrior, was panic
and I thrashed.
my bard whispered softly. "I’ll let you go... after I
sleep in for once."
With that, she
rolled over and dozed once more. I must admit, at first, I was
pretty cross about the whole experience. But after my initial
anger cooled I found it wonderfully devious and I was actually
surprised my bard hadn’t thought of it sooner. In
afterthought, I realized she probably had thought of it, but
she was now comfortable and secure enough with our couplehood
that she finally acted on the thought.
Of course, when she
did finally wake up to face the day, her ‘apology’ she
gave me for capturing me was creative and... stimulating... to
say the least. I feel one of my ‘blushing’ moments coming
on with just the remembrance of that morning.
hear my mother begin, drawing my attention back to her and
away from my delightfully wicked thoughts. "When did you
fall in love with her?"
‘proclaimed’ my love for Gabrielle to my mother. I
didn’t have to – it was written all over my face. It was
simple – Gabrielle was the one, the only one. I watch my
bard once more and I smile as she brushes her short locks
behind her ear – a new habit of hers I find totally arousing
for some unknown reason. I don’t question it much; I just
enjoy it like so many other qualities she possesses.
I consider my
mother’s question seriously though. When did I FALL in love?
Was it after the amazons helped us get the Ambrosia? Was it
after the battle with the Persians that I realized the
importance that she held in my life? Was it the first day I
laid eyes on her – watching her stand up to Draco’s men?
In honesty, it was all these times... and many more... that
earned Gabrielle ownership into the good parts of my soul.
Parts I didn’t know existed until she showed me.
know," I answer sincerely meeting my mother’s caring
eyes. "All I DO know is that I love her... And that’s
all that matters."