One Subtext Report
Subtext reports, Xena Fanfiction, Xena and
Note: Many of these reports are littered with errors
because I wrote them quickly and 'on the fly' so I could post
them quicker to the 'Nutforum' back in the day.
Drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Okay. Now since TPTB didn't
start 'putting in' subtext until Altered States I'm here to
point out some of the moments that people 'read into'. Since
I've already done 'Sins' I'm just going to highlight the
moments from the other eps. As always feel free to mention
those little moments I miss.
Chariots of War
Ahh. . .L'amour!!!!! Xena
finds love with some whimpy dude farmer and Gabby falls for a
Bad Boy (Now there's a switch huh? It's usually the other way
around). As far as subtext is concerned there's next to
nothing except for Gabby's worrying over Xena since it took
her days to return for her (well, Xena had a good excuse - an
arrow in her side that farmer John helped removed. I don't
know if his name was John so please don't write me and tell me
about it - it's just a standard name to use. Because lets face
it, the only name in Xena's life is Gabrielle. Case Closed.
Let's move on children, shall we?) Xena also tells Gabby upon
'meeting' the bad boy to 'remind me to talk to you about your
taste in men'. Seems Gabby's mister right was just trying to
kill them at the time. As an interesting side note this is one
man that didn't die as a result of kissing Gabby(VBG).
Gabby gets kidnapped for her
blood innocence and is put through a series of 'tests' to see
if she will become Morpheus' bride. Only bad thing about this
'engagement' is Gabby has to be whacked (and by 'whacked' I'm
not talking hip-hop language which means crazy. I mean whacked
as in killed, murdered, dare I say . . . SACRIFICED(LOL). .
.Oh okay! So I gotta sick sense of humor and the season ender
this year was a real tear jerker. Anyway. . .) Gabby gets
stolen and Xena flips out, racing frantically through the
streets calling for her Gabby. Nobody steals Xena's bard as
the shopkeeper soon finds out when the warrior pays him a
visit (well not a visit really. She shoves him up against a
wall and crushes his windpipe but then again. . .that's Xena!)
She finds out she has to go into the 'dreamscape' to save Gabs
so this mystic guy helps her out. Once there we see Xena
dressed in this Geisha girl get up and Gabby remarks about how
good Xena looks (Ah Ha!! We have our first view of Gabby
lust(BG). Anyway to make a long story short as if you didn't
know Xena saves Gabby. I know. It's a big surprise isn't it(G).
Another interesting side note - in this ep we get to see
Gabby's brain power more than brawn and I love the exchange
she has with the head priest as to why she would make a lousy
Cradle of Hope
Xena and Gabby find a baby.
Gabs wants to play mom and Xena wants to know why she can't
shut the darn thing up. (What?! Are you holdin' it wrong or
sumpthin'?!) *Side note from Absinthe: So how come she's so
good with farmer boys kiddies in Chariots of War? How come she
was so good with that other baby later on? What is this? Does
she have maternal instincts or not???* Xena and Gabby and
their newfound friend Pandora - not the real Pandora of
course, that wouldn't be believable - Oh no, this is her grand
daughter who just happens to be named after her. Far be it for
the Xena writers to 'play' with history or legend to fit their
script (VBG). Anyway, they all go to this tavern to get some
food for the baby and themselves too. When they get a few odd
stares in the joint, Xena asked if they got a problem with
'our' baby. Not 'this' baby. Not 'the' baby but 'our' baby(VBG)
(Ahhhh. . .Xena is so protective and paternal isn't she?)
Well, it all ends happily. The baby gets a home, Pandora finds
a man (a king actually so that's not bad for a first time out)
and Xena and Gabby ride off into the sunset.
The Path Not Taken
By far, the WORST EP IN XENA
HISTORY No big subtext moments - none in fact - but that's not
the reasoning behind my disgust of this ep. It was just a
really bad ep in my opinion (Feel free to argue among
yourselves now because I don't wish to debate it(G).
Xena battles a bad, cloaked
dude and tries to save some travelers. Of course she gets
accused of committing the murders herself and Gabby ends up
playing ‘lawyer’. When they torture her she says enough is
enough and breaks her chains. In all the chaos she strikes
Gabby. Xena is finally restrained again. But Gabby returns and
tries to break Xena loose. Xena says no and we see the girls
first ‘I’ll stick by ya through anything’ scene. Gabby
agrees. Xena apologizes for hitting Gabby. Gabby accepts and
realizes she was at the wrong place at the wrong time. Seems
Ares was the cloaked man and he wants Xena to join him; giving
her any solider she wants – dead or living. Xena agrees but
only if the verdict turns out to be guilty. When the
townspeople vote against her, Xena calls on Ares to bring back
the men she allegedly killed (LOL) therefore making her
innocent. Ares bows in respect to being outwitted but we know
he won’t give up. He wants Xena has his conqueror. The
subtext in this ep is the little moments that subtexters love.
The gentle touches, the tender looks, the shy smiles. This ep
has many so you gotta watch for them.
Seems virgin Gabby has
unknowingly released three titans Zeus had imprisoned in rock.
That silly bard (VBG). She is always getting into trouble.
Of course when the titans
start their destruction Xena comes to Gabby’s rescue. Or as
Xena says, ‘Let’s just say I’m the goddess’ (Gab) ‘protector’.’
Very smooth Xena. Very smooth. Watching Gabby beam at this
point is pretty cool too (VBG). Later when it appears that
Gabby has…ahem…shared her bardly goodies with a young
village guy, Xena looks stricken as she sees them in bed.
Gabby asks what’s wrong. Xena begin stoic says ‘nothing.
It’s none of her business’. Gabby says ‘That’s right!
It isn’t! And that she’s not a child’. Xena says she
knows that but she ‘doesn’t have time to prove that to her
now’. Hmmmm, just how would Xena prove it and furthermore
why does it look like she’s gotten stomped by a centaur when
she catches the young lovers together? Just a idea (VBG)
Well it turns out village
guy and Gabby aren’t ‘lovers’. She reads another scroll
that turns the Titans into stone and warrior and bard save the
This is the one and only
Herc/Iolaus cross over Xena ep to date. Seems Hera has chained
the titan Prometheus and as a result the human race loses fire
and the ability to heal itself. The only way to free him is
with a special sword that Xena gets. The catch is that anyone
who strikes the blow dies. The dynamic duos head to the
mountain to free the titan and upon saying goodbye Gabby begs
Xena not to strike the blow. Xena tells her to take care and
strokes her face before and after giving her a hug.
Needless to say neither Herc
nor Xena die. They find a way to strike the blow without
getting killed and Prometheus is freed. Although heroes share
a kiss and sidekicks share a kiss (Ahhhhhh…) Xena and Gabby
end up the way they always do….with each other (VBG).
Death in Chains
Here’s our first red shirt
folks (VBG). I’ll explain.
Hades pays our girls a visit
and says that Celesta, his sister known as death, as been
captured. She must be freed before her candle burns out or
humans will never die. Dr. Jack must have loved this ep if he
saw it (G) I’ve never seen such a pro-death program. In any
event, Gabby meets Talus. Seems Talus is dying as the two form
a deepening bond. When Celesta is finally freed she takes
Talus with her much to Gabby’s confusion. But soon she
understands – she’s met her first red shirt (VBG) – and
Xena comforts her in her arms as Talus goes to the great
beyond. Just one of those ‘ahhh’ moments; when the chips
are down it’s Xena that Gabby can always turn too.
Hooves and Harlots
Gabby meets the amazons and
inadvertently becomes a princess. Seems Princess Terreis’s
murderer is a centaur prince named Phantes. Xena thinks
something strange is afoot and investigates. Seems a warlord
wants to benefit by pitting long time enemies centaurs and
amazons against each other. Many different subtext moments in
Watch Xena and Ephiny’s
X: ‘Something about me you
X: ‘Then stop staring
before I poke your eyes out.’
(LOL) Okay so Ephiny’s got
a thing for woman in leather – just like Gabby, perhaps that’s
why they get along so well by the end of the ep (LOL). And the
amazon’s lifestyle of no men is quite interesting; plus they
study ‘boy subjects’ first in school – science and
philosophy. Two things that Gabby mentions she loves. The
little bard was just destined to be dyke (LOL). Okay that’s
a stereotype. I know. It’s just a joke folks so settle down.
Later in the ep Gabby needs
a champion so she, of course, picks Xena. And as always, Xena
is more than willing to stick up for her little bard. Once
more warrior and bard end up saving the day and walk into the
sunset together just like amazon Ephiny and centaur Phantes do
(I mention this because it will be important later as many of
you know ;) ).
The Black Wolf
Seems a group of people is
protesting the taxes in Robin Hood fashion. Xena finds the
mother of an old friend crying at the jail only to learn her
friend Flora has been imprisoned for being part of the ‘wolf
pack’. Xena goes undercover, acting like she’s working for
the corrupt King, to get inside the jail. Once there she tries
to get Flora free but she won’t leave without the others.
Enter Salmoneus and
Gabrielle. Sal gets thrown in when jailers think he’s
throwing tomatoes at them. Of course it was Gabby trying to
get thrown in the clink to help Xena. As Xena and Salmoneus
‘catch up’ Gabby comes in and tells Salmoneus that he
wouldn’t be in jail if he had kept his hands off her
tomatoes. If looks could kill Sal would be dead (LOL). The
look Xena throws him could cut sharper than her chakram.
Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, touches her bard (LOL). He quickly
adds, "I can explain. It’s not what you think."
(Great scene. I miss Salmoneus. Have I mentioned that? Well I
Anyway, Xena figures out
that her ex-girlfriend Flora, erhhh… I mean ….Flora. Just
Flora – no one can prove they were anything more than good
friends right? ;) . Anyhow, Flora is the leader of the Black
Wolf pack. Xena saves the day, frees the people along with the
kingdom and they all live happily ever after. (BG)
Beware Greeks Bearing
Another ex flame of Xena
looks her up…Oops I mean Helen of Troy (VBG). Seems Helen
doesn’t love Paris anymore. She wants the war to end and she
wants Xena to ‘take me away from all this’. (VBG) Xena
goes to Troy to see Helen when low and behold who do they
find? Perdyboy!!! Seems Perdicus ran off and became a soldier.
Hmmm…could it be because his fiancée left him for a
warrior? And perhaps if he was more warlike she would love him
too?…Just a thought(VBG).
Anyway, seems Paris’
brother is in cahoots with the Greeks because HE wants Helen.
Man, everybody wants this chick and if you ask me she’s not
nearly as beautiful or delightful as the gal Xena’s got on
her arm. (VBG). I love Gabby. Have I mentioned that? But in
any case, the Trojans get tricked. The Greeks take Troy. Paris
dies. The brother is uncovered. And Helen leaves to start a
new life with Perdicus as her guard. And as for Xena and Gabby
– once more they walk off side by side (VBG).