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Subtext report, Xena Fanfiction, Xena and
Note: Many of these reports are littered with errors
because I wrote them quickly and 'on the fly' so I could post
them quicker to the 'Nutforum' back in the day.
Drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Our story opens
with guards in armor trampling through the woods as amazons
watch them. We cut to our terrific trio – Gabby, Xena and
Eve who are talking about meeting the God of War. Xena says he
wants something and Gabby points out that Ares does have a
thing for Xena. Xena says no Ares wants something and Gabby
grins saying, ‘My point exactly’. Eve asks if these are
amazon woods they are in. Gabby says yes, why? Eve says no
reason. They top the ridge to see the forest has been partial
They hear a battle
ensue and go to join the ruckus. The trio kicks a little Ares
army butt and the army retreats. The queen introduces herself
and her second in command who thinks she recognizes Eve but
can’t place where. As Xena introduces the trio the queen is
pleased – seems the tale of Xena lives on. The queen also
recognizes Gabrielle as an amazon queen and thanks them for
their help. She said she heard that Xena has the power to kill
gods and they hope it’s true because they need someone to
End of spoiler and
onto the NEW, yes you read it right, NEW opening of the
credits. They include clips of this upcoming year as well as
seasons 1-5. But her courage is still supposed to change the
world. The voice over doesn’t change.
Gabby asks why Ares
would attack amazons and send for her. Surely he knows that
Xena couldn’t fight against the amazons, right? Xena tells
Gabby to question the queen. She’s gonna go check out Ares
army to see how strong he is. Back at Ares camp he gets a
report from his soldiers that they didn’t take the village.
Ares doesn’t like this news and pops him in the face. Ares
says he wants that village by nightfall and the warrior asks
why doesn’t Ares just use his powers. Ares says what’s the
fun in that and shoos them away. After they are gone Ares
grabs his hand in pain. He goes back to his quarters/tent
where a pesky fly drives him nuts. Xena enters and catches the
flying making a comment that he’s luck she’s there – the
fly nearly had him. He said he’s calling in a favor. He
wants his godhood back.
Meanwhile Gabby is
asking the queen if they have something he needs. The queen
says she doesn’t know – he’s just destroying their land.
Back to Xena and
Ares – Ares says he knew the amazons have the ambrosia
because Artemis came to him in a dream and told him. Ares says
if Xena can get it he’ll leave without going to war. Xena
says where’s the fun that. She’s tired of the greater good
and Ares should know how it sucks – he lost his godhood to
‘do the right thing’. They start to kiss and Gabby comes
in and asks "What are you doing?". Ares replies,
"To think I actually saved your life" clearly
frustrated that Gabby stopped them. Xena says she thought
Gabby was watching the amazons while she sits next to Ares.
Gabby says she was – she knows what Ares wants and they
aren’t going to give it to him. Xena says then we’ll just
have to take if from them. Gabby grins and says yeaaaah. She
then walks over and takes a spot on Ares knee as she wraps her
arm around his shoulder. Ares says he thought she was a peace
loving bard. Gabrielle says she knows different now. Warriors
change the world not philosophers. She’s up for the fight.
Ares seems to be . . . ahem. . . up too as he leans over
bringing Xena onto his other knee, wrapping his arm around
her. "Oh yeah, I could get used to this," he tells
them. "I could."
Back at the amazons,
Eve is watching the amazons train and she remembers a battle
with the amazons as a roman. The second in command comes to
her and challenges her because Eve refuses to fight against
Ares but Eve’s not taking the bait. She warns the amazon
that ‘you don’t want to make (her) angry.’
Back at the tent,
Eve shows up and says that she should lead Ares army against
the amazons. She cuddles up to him but Xena and Gabby tells
her to ‘get in line’. Ares says this gets better and
better. He says he’ll tell his commander to plan for an all
out assault. He snaps his fingers but nothing happens. He says
he’s gotta find the ambrosia because walking to everywhere
is getting old. Xena tells him that when he gets the ambrosia
they should split it four ways.
"Four ways," Ares
says, "Nasty. Sounds great!"
After Ares leaves
Xena, Gabby and Eve transform into the furies. After Xena
kills Ares or they kill each other the path will be clear for
them to rule mankind. Ares is walking through his camp when
his blacksmith brings his new armor. Ares is impressed but
fury Xena asks what’s it for. Fury Gabby points out that the
god of war shouldn’t need it. The men will get suspicious.
Ares starts to talk to them but no one can see them. Ares
decides that Gabrielle is right and orders the blacksmith to
get rid of it.
Ares goes back to
his hut when Xena and Gabby come in. Ares said I thought I
told you to wait outside. Xena says you didn’t tell us
anything. Ares says, "I told you I was getting my sword.
I love you sweety honey but you are suffocating me. . .
We’re gonna roll right over those amazons like we
Gabby says, "Ares what are you talking
"War Baby!!" he answers. As he makes
his way outside. As he passes between Xena and Gabby to leave,
he bumps Gabby and warns her, "Don’t you touch
me." Gabby holds her hand up and wonders what the hell
just happened here. They deduce that it must be the furies at
Ares goes outside
to see the terrific trio (Fury X, G and E) telling him to get
going. The real Xena and Gabby go out and tell him don’t.
Ares is confused. The furies keep pushing and Ares decides to
attack. Xena and Gabby head off to ‘cut them off at the
pass’ and create . . . you guessed it . . . a rockslide
~sigh~. Yes another tired cliché (LOL) but at least they used
some new rock footage. (Sidenote: Watch Gabby flinch every
time Xena brings out the chakram (LOL). Hell, I’d flinch too
if she'd hit me upside the head with it.) The army can’t pass for the moment and it buys Xena
and Gabby time to get back to the amazons.
In the onset Eve
and the second in command are bonding as they trade scar
stories. Seems Eve took care of the other amazons before
herself and the SIC (second in command) is impressed. She
talks Eve into teaching her a few moves. During the training
Eve shows the SIC a move and it finally jars the amazons
recognition. Eve is that Rome bitch Livia.
Xena and Gabby
arrive to find the amazons tugging Eve around ready to kill
her. Xena says they gotta get to her to get Eve. Xena says we
don’t have time for this because Ares will crush them. The
queen tells them that Eve attacked at night, killing their
best warriors. They were the lucky ones. Xena wants an
explanation so Eve speaks up and she says she sold the
survivors to slavery. The queen states that amazon law says
Eve must die. Gabby says she can’t let that happen. The
queen asks if Gabrielle is challenging her. Gabrielle says yes
if that’s what needs to happen. The queen realizes they need
to face Ares first. They will hold Eve until after they deal
with Ares and they lock her up in a hut. Xena and Gabrielle
follow and Xena threats the SIC. She says she knows what Eve
has done is unforgivable but nothing better happen to her
while in her custody. She leaves and Xena asks,
"Sweetheart, why didn’t you tell us?"
Eve: I couldn’t.
I know how much the amazons mean to both of you.
Xena: Did you think
we would love you less?
Eve: What I did was
unforgivable. You said so yourself. I wish they knew how sorry
Xena: "I know
how hard it is to say you’re sorry. Especially to someone
you love." Turning to Gabrielle, stroking her cheek.
Gabrielle takes her hand in Xena’s. "Gabrielle, when I
hit you with my chakram-."
Gabby: Xena it
wasn’t your fault. It was the furies. They drove me to try
to kill your daughter. I’ve forgiven you. You should too.
Xena: I nearly lost
Gabby: But you
didn’t and now the furies are back.
Xena: Well this
time we’ve got to take them out.
Nice to acknowledge
that but it felt, I don't know, forced - almost like a last
minute edition to the script because the fans aren't really
big on the domestic abusive side of Xena. Because that's kind
of a downer.
Anyway, Ares army then has
to remove the rockslide. The Fury Xena returns and taunts Ares for
being moral. Ares argues back and they start to fight. But to
the men Ares is fighting with air. He starts to lose his grip
and the real Xena shows up to tell him to fight the furies
because they are the ones driving him crazy. I actually feel
bad for him (LOL). Yeah he’s a real sh*t but I guess I’m a
sucker when the God of War gets a little sob in his voice.
Before he can hit
her, Xena leaves and goes back to the amazons to beg them to
leave. But they decide to stay and fight. When Ares shows up
they stand off. Xena arrives and she challenges him one on
one. She gets him to chase her to the mountains. The army
rethinks the battle and retreats without fighting.
Once at the top of
the icy mountain Xena and Ares trade blow for blow with each
other. She throws her chakram and it flies away. Eve is still
in the hut and Gabby comes to free her. She rounds up a bunch
of furs and tells Eve to follow her. Xena and Ares keep
fighting. Both get a bit bloody but Ares manages to knock Xena
into the icy water. Xena gets trapped under the ice and
drowns. Ares sees her and we see the furies fly out of his
head. They laugh and say that they can now control mankind.
But Xena’s chakram returns and takes all their heads off in
one swoop. Ares now sane realizes that he’s killed Xena. He
screams and plunges into the water to get her. He brings her
to the surface as Gabby and Eve come running up.
killed her," he mutters to them, grief stricken.
‘Her organs are
still alive. Just frozen,’ Gabby tells him. ‘We gotta get
her warm.’ Eve wraps her up as Gabby gives mouth to mouth.
Finally Xena chokes and sputters, alive once more in Gabby’s
arms. (And yes a person can ‘drown’ in icy water and stay
preserved. Grant it they don’t make such a quick recover as
Xena, but this is XENA we’re talking about. So it IS a
Down in the valley,
Ares sits on a tree stump. Xena comes to him and they have a
heart to heart talk. She gives him a kiss. She says he always
‘got to her’ but he was always bad for her. He still is.
She turns to leave and Ares asks, "Is there even a chance
we can be together someday – like 1 in 1000?" She says
more like 1 in a billion. "So you’re saying there is a
chance?" He grins. (Typical man (LOL)). She’s got that
‘he’s never gonna give up look’ on her face as she walks
away. Ares strains to make himself ‘vanish’ but nothing
happens. He gives up and says "I gotta quit trying that.
I’m gonna rupture something," as he walks in the
Fade to Black.
Was this the best
Xena ep ever? No. Was it better than season five? Most
definitely. And I know that some folks (and you know who you
are (G)) are gonna rake Xena over the coals for kissing Ares
but I genuinely saw it as a goodbye kiss – kinda like the
one she gave him in my fan fiction story Changes of Heart. But
all in all it was a good ep. Gabby wasn’t reduced to being a
prop. The duo related to each other similar to past seasons. I
also noted that the plan in the end took a great deal of trust
and faith. Xena DEPENDED on Gabrielle to do her part and bring
her back. No one BUT Gabrielle knew the plan. Not even Eve. So
it was nice to see that trust. So perhaps there’s hope
folks. I’ll just cross my fingers that the next 21 eps will
be good too.
Next week: Hell
comes to Amphipolis. Xena shouts at Gabby, "My mother’s
soul is trapped, my daughter is half dead and the portal of
hell has opened up in my back yard!" It’s gonna be a
tough day for the warrior princess (LOL). Xena takes on the
King of Hell in an all new Xena – btw, the king of hell
kinda looks like a cross between a ram and ‘the deliverer’
and as for Cyrene, she looks as young as when she played
matchmaker for Xena in ‘LLHOF’… Hmmm… interesting.