Subtext report, Xena Fanfiction, Xena and
Note: Many of these reports are littered with errors
because I wrote them quickly and 'on the fly' so I could post
them quicker to the 'Nutforum' back in the day.
Drop me a line at email@example.com.
The hawk and the
dove must be made one with the wisdom. At least that’s what
the note said that Xena and Gabby find on a dead monk. So
it’s off to China, or Chin as we know it, again. Xena thinks
LaoMa wrote the letter at some point. They decide to visit the
monks to check on the book of wisdom they left there after
meeting Ming Tien.
When they get there
– Joxer in tow by the way – they are met with an army
bombing the city. Xena and Gabby kick a little ass as the
rockets blast through the town. Suddenly a Chin woman arrives
on the scene and starts kicking a little army bootie like X
and G. The army retreats and Xena thanks the woman and
presents herself as LaoMa’s daughter.
Joxer thinks the
bombs were ‘Greek fire’ but it’s black powder according
to LaoMa’s offspring. It’s ‘taboo’ and has been
prohibited from being produced but an evil warlord has been
using it. The group head to the monk’s temple and Xena
announces the book is gone. Gabby and the Chin chick decide to
see if they can find out where it is but Xena knows where it
is and she gives it to Joxer to put in her saddlebag. Seems
Xena doesn’t trust the offspring of her teacher all that
They decide to
split up. Xena and Chin doll decide to track the hoofs that go
‘away from the scene of the crime’ while Gabby and Joxer
take off to the market to get all the spices they can –
legend says a cook invented the black powder. Xena’s team
plans to use it against the warlord.
On the journey Xena
and LaoMa’s daughter talk about LaoMa and how LaoMa had
given her and her sister up as children. They realize they are
being followed so they send the horses in the opposite
direction. In the market place Joxer is wrecking havoc –
enough to have him and Gabby arrested. Meanwhile out on the
trail, Xena and LaoMa’s daughter follow the footsteps up to
a cave. Low and behold, the person is LaoMa’s other daughter
and she’s got a book. They trade verbal shots back and forth
And in the end it seems that Xena has been traveling with the
evil daughter. It was HER army attacking the city in the quest
to find the book of wisdom. She and Xena fight and she manages
to run off with the book. The good chin gal asks why Xena
isn’t going to give chase. Xena says she doesn’t have to.
And as bad chin girl finds out the book is a fake – full of
recipes and remedies and such. Her lieutenant comes in and
wants to travel up the coast but she says she must have that
book. If not, Xena could use the power to rule Chin.
Later that night
good Chin gal is talking with Xena. She says she doesn’t
think she can kill her sister. Xena says she doesn’t think
she’ll have to – her sister will end up destroyer herself
because of her greed for power.
Gabby and Joxer are
locked in a water torture chamber but Gabby has a plan to get
them out. Joxer still has the powder in his pants and Gabby
uses her foot to go in and get it. Well let’s say she
doesn’t find the powder her first time out but it brings a
smile to Joxer’s face anyway. And Gabby’s response?
"Remind me to cut off my foot when we get outta
Of course Joxer has
to tease/compliment her for her skills with her feet. Joxer
comments that was the first time he hand three feet in his
pants. "You tell anyone and you’re dead," is
Gabby’s reply. No I don’t think love will ever be in the
air for poor Joxer. Well at least with Gabby that is. I’m
sure the right girl is out there for him. He just has to find
one that doesn’t belong to Xena already (VBG).
Xena and good Chin
girl have another heart to heart chat and Xena tells her that
she is her mother’s daughter. Xena gets to Ming Tien’s
castle and finds the robes that LaoMa tied her up with during
the mid air subtext-o-rama dance. Xena closes her eyes and
gets all mushy remembering her old lover…erhh…I mean
Gabby and Joxer are
on their way to the castle when evil chin chick catches up to
them and says Xena sent me to find you – yeah right (G).
Unsuspecting they go along. But before long evil chin girl has
her army out front of the castle and Joxer and Gabby staked
out on powder kegs in opposite directions with a powder trail
going to each. Xena can’t save both (well at least that’s
what CHIN GAL thinks – she doesn’t know Xena very well
Good Chin girl
gives evil Chin girl the book since it was her mothers way to
not see innocent people hurt. Xena yells no. The girl
doesn’t listen. Hands the book over. Torch gets dropped.
Evil girl leaves. Fire erupts. Xena dashes to Gabby first (as
if there’s any other choice (VBG)). Stomps out the fire.
Uses chakram to free Joxer. Joxer leaps. Kegs explode. Joxer
flies. Evil girl sees fire in the distance (far, far in the
distance I might add, which mean she has one fast horse (LOL)).
Evil girl gives evil laugh. The Xena crew now goes to prepare
for battle since evil girl now has the book. Did you get that
all that? (VBG).
Back at the
‘lab’ Joxer experiments and the girls get a good laugh
when his mixture for black powder works yet backfires on him.
Later good Chin girl has self-doubt but Xena builds her up and
they train to confront evil chin girl. Meanwhile Evil Chin
girl is also training on her own and learning the ‘power’.
And since Joxer has figured out the powder mixture he and
Gabby make bombs to blow up the army’s camp. The army
however finds Gabby and Joxer after they take their rockets to
the hill. Gabby does the hand to hand thing while Joxer tries
to light the rockets.
Xena and good chin
girl do battle with the evil sister using the Luke Skywalker
‘force’ thing – trading ‘fireball’ shots back and
forth. Since evil girl relies on the power of her purity of
hatred both Xena and good sister ‘psych’ her out by making
her see LaoMa’s love for her. The ‘force’ pushes evil
chin gal by the ammo tent and when the rockets come well
let’s just say ‘She blewed up. She blewed up reallllllll
goooooood’. (LOL) (Yes I was an SCTV fan too (VBG).)
Xena says good chin
girl is a worthy successor to her mother’s power. Good chin
calls Xena her ‘sister’. Gabby and Joxer show up saying
the army is scattering and all the black powder is destroyed.
They all walk off
This was a nice
Chin Episode. Gabby didn’t ‘betray’ anyone. Joxer was
mildly intelligent and dare I say amusing – and the Joxer/Gabby
‘subtext’ was kinda cute although it was a bastardization
version of the ‘Are you sitting on the soap?’ scene from
ADITL. And before all the subtexter out there go nuts and
start screaming ‘THEY WON’T SHOW X AND G SUBTEXT BUT
THEY’LL SHOW J AND G SUBTEXT’, let me state right now –
LIGHTEN UP!!!(LOL). It was amusing and a nice change of pace.
AND before the anti-subtexters start to make more out of it
let me state right now – Gabby doesn’t have the SLIGHTEST
bit of interest in Joxer as a man as this scene points out. (VBG)
Next week the girls
take on Gingus Khan (yes I know my spelling is terrible (LOL)).
And it looks pretty good. The announcer says ‘Xena has a
power she can’t control’ and we see Gabby surrounded by
soldiers but still battling for all she’s worth and Xena of
course giving the ‘stock’ scream of ‘Gaaaaaabbbriellllle!’
(LOL). Looks like next weeks might be a keeper too ;)