Subtext Reports
Those crazy posts about the episodes originally posted to the nutforum and saved here for posterity in their error riddled entirety (since they were written 'on the fly'). 
Homecoming Series
A series of five (not so short) stories about Xena and Gabrielle building their life together as a couple. 
Magic Series
Janice Covington and Melinda Pappas find love as they uncover more writings of Gabrielle about her warrior princess. 
Conversations by Campfire Series
Set during Season Four, parts of the episodes are worked into chats between Xena and Gab, particularly the subject of Najara and the bard. 
Changes of Heart Series
My take on what happened after Gabby got Chakram'ed upside the head by Xena in the Season Five ender. 
Bonding of Souls Series
This series picks up where 'Changes of Heart' ends with Xena and Gabby back together. Each 'episode' is an expansion of the episodes of Season Six.
Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace
How DID Ares get stuck in that tomb from the Xena Scrolls? This story answers that question. 
The Play
Xena and Gabrielle have to play the leads in a performance for a ruthless king to save Salmoneus' neck. Unexpected consequences and confessions are the result. 
The Queen, the Regent, the Warrior
Xena leaves Gabrielle in the care of the amazons, only to have Ephiny and Gabby fall in love. Xena does return and chaos and secret confessions follow.
The Contest
Ares and Aphrodite battle over Xena's spirit. 
Loss of Virginity
Romantic musings from one of our gals. 
Moment of Truth
Gabrielle does anything it takes to keep Xena out of a battle that's foretold to take the warrior princess' life. 
Thank the Gods For Henbane
At an Amazon festival Gabrielle has one too many henbane brownies, which results in a funny and sexy night for Xena. 
As It Should Be
The Queen gets taken by the Warrior Princess at the Amazon Village.
Family Ties
Xena takes Gabrielle back to home to spend a little time with the 'in-laws'. 
Dueling Cousins
Xena's look-alike cousin, Sappho, has always been competitive but now the Tenth Muse wants the ultimate prize - Gabrielle. 
The End
Alternate 'demise' of Xena and Gabrielle based on the Season Four crucifixion. 
Truth or Dare
Sexy romp between Callisto and Gabrielle set during 'A Necessary Evil' 
November 29th, 1942
A little romance fic between Janice and Mel. 
Inside Outside
Set after the events of 'A Family Affair', it's a scene told through the eyes of four people - Gabrielle's Father, Mother, Gabrielle herself and Xena.
Something To Talk About
Xena and Gabrielle's friends are all surprised that the pair aren't lovers so they consider why not.
Henbane, Horsenappings and Other Obstacles
A 'murphy's law' comedy where everything that can go wrong for Xena and Gabby but, of course, they still end up saving the day.
All That Matters
During Gabrielle's birthday party in' Takes One To Know One', Xena reflects on her love for the bard.  
What if Gabrielle was actually the one behind all the folks who influenced Xena's journey toward good? 
Have Yourself a Merry Little Solstice
A little Winter Solstice tale that's available in general (not lovers) and alternative (lovers). .
Little Moments: A Day in the Desert
A tale told through the eyes of Janice and then Mel while on a dig.  
Candy or Chaos
'Classic Xena' general Halloween story with Xena and Gabby return for the Potiedaia Harvest Festival.
Conquering Heroine
Gabrielle is the Conqueror in this piece. How exactly? Give it a read and find out. 
Watching and Waiting
Set after FIN II, Xena watches from afar as Gabrielle moves on with her life. 
Police Office Carol and Protestor Erin clash but find they're fighting for the same things. A short story based on my novel, 'One Belief Away'. 

Episode: Dem Bones, Dem Bones (S5, E-5)

Author: CN Winters

Fandom: Subtext report, Xena Fanfiction, Xena and Gabrielle fanfiction

Author Note: Many of these reports are littered with errors because I wrote them quickly and 'on the fly' so I could post them quicker to the 'Nutforum' back in the day.

Feedback: Drop me a line at

Dem Bones, Dem Bones

Perhaps it’s not subtext when Alti calls Gabby ‘Xena’s little bitch’<LOL>. Perhaps it’s not subtext when Alti confessions she ‘Always wanted to be inside Xena’. Perhaps. But I have to say that subtext is very much alive and well in the xenaverse<G>. With that said on to our review.

The story opens with Gabby hunting for mushrooms to help with Xena’s morning sickness. Nice, casually bonding talk ensues<VBG>. Finally Gabby finds the mushroom that Xena’s requested. After she eats it Xena doubles over. Gabby races her to the healer and they watch as Xena squirms around.

Suddenly Xena’s stomach opens and everyone freaks. Moments later a skeleton pops out. Next we see Xena dart up from a pallet with Gabby and a healer looking on. They tell her it was just a bad dream. Xena says ‘no it was a vision’. She must go to the Northern Amazons to see what it means.

Once there she finds Yakut (or whatever the heck her name is - I’m terrible with names. Sorry). Yakut said she was expecting Xena. Yakut examines her and says someone is after her baby’s soul. Xena figures it must be Alti and is going to go battle her.

Gabby gets wind of it and won’t hear of Xena going to face Alti in her state. She wants to try first. Xena refuses. Gabby argues that ‘She’ll protect the baby because she couldn’t love the baby any more than if it was her own’. Now during this speech I couldn’t help but think, ‘Well that’s because it IS YOUR baby Gabrielle’.(LOL)

Anyway Xena says fine. Gabby has to go through the rites that Xena did in Sin Trade - we get to see Gabby stalk an animal, kill an animal, cover herself in blood. She returns to the village where Xena is waiting. They are going to harness each other’s power and by doing so they slice their palms and lock hands. Once more we have those tending touches and long looks that folks have been saying have left. It would have been really touching and erotic had not the dripping blood come into play - but hey, it’s Xena and in every Xena ep some blood must shed right?(VBG). Right!

So Gabby makes it to the ‘dreamworld’ and we get to see Alti in all her glory - nice leather too, Emma Peel ‘Avengers’ wear(VBG). Alti greets Gabby the only way she can by saying ‘Look...It’s Xena’s little bitch’. <LOL> I can just see Gabby’s wheels turning and thinking "Yeah. So what...Are you jealous?(VBG)"

Alti says she doesn’t want to hurt Xena’s baby either. She wants to use the baby as a vessel for her soul - and a return to earth. Gabby doesn’t defeat Alti - in fact she dies thanks to Alti ‘draining’ her life at the count of ten. Xena of course, doesn’t let that happen in the ‘real world’. She does the mouth to mouth thing and Gabby wakes up.

Xena decides to face Alti and when they do meet Alti sticks her hand inside of Xena’s stomach and tells her ‘I’ve always wanted to be inside you Xena.’ Xena doesn’t look to please about this. Now she’s got the baby’s soul.

Xena needs to form a plan to get the baby’s soul back. Alti says she’ll return it if Xena can bring her back to the physical world. The amazons and Xena’s crew decides to form a plan. Xena and Yakut decide to get Alti’s bones while Ammarce and Gabby go after some amber. Xena plans to use the amber on the Alti bones to trap Alti’s soul once she has the baby’s soul save in her belly again.

Xena finds out that Yakut tried to get some of Alti’s power but just ended up bring back her spirit instead. Xena is not pleased but instead of mentioning what this woman has done to her unborn child her first thought is of how Gabrielle was almost killed. Now here’s the subtext part. I put my spouse’s life before my child’s. I put my child’s life before my best friends. Can you see a pattern here that the queen of subtext is pointing out? If not watch the ep and see what I mean - Gabby is still top priority in Xena’s life.

Back to our tale now(G). Gabby and Ammrece are at the cave for the amber. Only thing is only an amazon can get it since it’s guarded by a mystic named Chia. (I couldn’t help but think of the ‘pottery that grows!!’ and I even sang the Chia pet song. You know it, don’t you? ~Chia - Cha,cha,cha, chia pet~).

Anyway, Chia says that Armmy can’t come inside because she’s not a true amazon. Gabby asks if that’s true. Embarrassed, Armmy runs away. But good ole Gabby is an amazon so Chia lets her walk right in (VBG).

Once they all get together again Xena goes under and tells Alti she’s got a deal. She can come back but first Xena wants the baby. Of course Alti double-crosses her. The former skeleton of Alti reforms itself and gives that evil laugh of victory. But seems Xena’s not as dumb as Alti figured since Xena created a dreamscape herself. It wasn’t the physical world they were in but a dream. Xena in turn rips her flesh off - kinda cool too<G> so she’s a skeleton too. Now the two skeletons do battle! It’s kinda campy like the good old days(G), plus it was a fight scene without LL risking her wellbeing so that was neat to.

Anyway, the amazon gather around the unconscious Xena and when Gabby feels Xena’s belly leap she knows she has won the battle and has the baby back. She races over and pours the amber on Alti’s bones to trap Alti’s soul. At the same time, Xena delivers a deathblow, cracking Alti in two right down the middle. In the dreamscape, as with the amazons the bones turn to dust and disappear into the air. All is right with the world once more(G).

Before Xena and Gabby head out, Gabby goes to Armmy and says she has a necklace from the amazons and each stone represents her sisters. She said she added a stone for Armmy and gives her to the necklace (kinda like making her one of the family. Ahhhhhhhh. For once Armmy is thankful and not a little piss-ant smart ass(LOL)).

All in all it was a nice Halloween ep. But GJWHF will still be my favorite...for obvious reasons - it’s not everyday we get to see Gabby bitin’ on Xena’s neck(VBG). And as for next weeks ep looks like the girls are going to chin to do battle with more evil offspring of LaoMa. Lots of explosions and stuff blowing up so it should be a nifty one (VBG).

CN Winters


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