otalia fan fiction
An Otalia Wedding
It's 2029 and there's an Otalia wedding brewing that features siblings Emma, Rafe, Ava, Francesca and Elena. 
Violating the Rules
Blis (Blake/Doris) tale that mirrors the Otalia story set during the '1 year later' timeframe of Guiding Light with Olivia and Natalia trying to play matchmaker to the couple. 
Best Man Speech
Olivia tries to get to the heart of why Rafe dislikes her so much. 
Nothing but some NC-17 sexy smut. 
First Kiss... Revised
Story from Natalia's POV as she confesses sleeping with Frank.  
Upset that Natalia left her without a word, Olivia heads to ladies night to pick someone up only to find Doris who saves her from a mistake...or does she?  
Funny Shapes or Rounds
Two lovers enjoy the 'morning after' until a daughter demands breakfast. 
Girls Night Out
Natalia returns from the retreat but Olivia wants nothing to do with her. So Doris offers to take Olivia on a buddy adventure.
I Get By With a Little Help From My... Enemies
Doris offers a little bit of friendly advice and prodding to help Olivia and Natalia jump start their relationship.
I'll Be Home For Christmas
Olivia's closing a major deal in the Northeast but bad weather keeps her from getting to Springfield.
Like I Always Am
This was an altered reality/ what if story I wrote for my friend Dragonwriter who proposed, "What if Olivia didn't 'wake up' after her heart test & Natalia kissed her?"
Loving You Both
Olivia finds a way to help Natalia balance their love and her lovers' faith in God. 
Lunch Counter Confessions
Olivia gossips with Doris and Blake about Natalia and the wonders of lesbian sex.
Matt? Really?
This story was written on a daily/weekly basis and used spoilers following Natalia's return from the retreat. 
It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
Natalia reflects on a Christmas past and their first Christmas with newborn Francesca. 
Merry Christmas Baby
A sexy NC-17 sequel to my Christmas 2009 story, ďItís the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.Ē 
One Kiss
Otaliaís first kiss told from one of the characterís perspective. ĎNuff said.
Pass The Potato Salad
In this tale, pregnant Natalia goes to the BBQ, not the retreat. 
Promises Promises
Set a year after the infamous Bauer Barbecue, Natalia tells Olivia she'll 'meet her there' when she ends up running late and it stirs up old feelings. 
Road Trip 
Story based on spoilers that Doris and Olivia were going on a road trip to find Natalia. 
Score One for Natalia Rivera
Olivia's ex's gossip about her prowess as a lover and a drunken Natalia joins the conversation.
This isn't Supposed to Happen
Our gals late night musings as they lie in bed. 
Tonight It Feels Like Home
Olivia is back in the farmhouse again and trying to find a comfort level she once had before Natalia's bolt to the retreat. 
Two Mommies (Take Two)
Rafe examines the relationship of his mother and Olivia. 
Supply & Demand
Olivia and Natalia take Francesca trick or treating and the youngster learns a lesson in marketing. 
A collection of short stories about Francesca Spencer told from various family members point of view with each chapter representing a year from her life. 
Until Death
Dark tale of what might have happened if Natalia went through with the wedding.

Title: Tonight It Feels Like Home

Author: CN Winters

Pairing: Otalia

Rating: PG

Summary: Oliviaís back in the farmhouse but things still donít feel quite right.

Standard Disclaimer Ahead: Guiding Light is a product of Proctor & Gamble (like Mr. Clean, Duracell and Old Spice), and once appeared on CBS. The characters are the creative property of the show and its producers Ė I'm just borrowing them for my amusement, and our fellow readers.

Tonight...It Feels Like Home

September 2009

Our baseball team won. Our delicious feast Natalia made was eaten. Our friends had gone home. Our kid was crashed on the sofa downstairs...We were a family. I had no doubt.

My boxes were still unpacked, but on the bright side, at least they were labeled.

I sat on the bed after finding my satin pjís. Natalia was in the bathroom I just vacated and I could hear the sink water running. I tightened my robe self-consciously - I was naked underneath. I felt completely exposed.

Moving in officially meant...moving in.

Part of me was exhilarated at the prospect of her opening that adjoining door and walking to the bed. Another part was terrified.

What if we didnít work? What if we clicked in every area except this one...this one very important, fundamental area? What if she changed her mind? What if she doesnít like it? What if ĎIí donít like it?

I shot up from the bed and started to pace, trying to escape all the Ďwhat ifísí that played in my head. I had to get rid of the nagging thoughts and doubts. I was Olivia Spencer. When I wanted something, someone, I did everything in my power to feel the joy of possession. I didnít dance around my desires...on that night though....oh, that night was different.

As we cleaned up the dishes in the kitchen, Natalia specifically told me that she was all mine tonight, added that, "We could go to bed and sleep ... or Ďnot sleep,í but either way, itís your call."

I flirted back and gave her a confident, "Really?"

Then she took my hand and led it up to her breast. Her fingers covered my own and she gave a squeeze. It wasnít the first time Iíd touched her intimately. Weíd kissed and necked like teenagers for months - awkward at times, confident at others, but always thrilling to me. On one hand, it was fun - it was a second adolescence without the pimples. But at other times, it was frustrating. If I were a man, Iíd have had the worse case of blue balls in the world.

But then she left...

... and we didnít touch for a long time...

... and then she came back.

So there we stood in her kitchen - correction, our kitchen - with my fingers squeezing her supple breast. What happened next though captivated me the most.

Yeah, I was cocky with my ĎReally?" challenge. But then she leaned in close, until her breath tickled my neck and earlobe as she gave her response.


It was a plea a lover gives when begging for sexual release - a seductive hiss; an affirmation of her affection and desire. Just a single word answer - the kind that leaves your mouth totally dry and your sex sopping wet. I probably would have taken her in the kitchen if everyone we knew in Springfield wasnít right outside the door.

Remembering that incident did help settle my nerves as I sat on that bed the first night. I decided at that point I needed to worry about doubt of desire on my end...now her, on the other hand...?

I try to shake the feeling off and I looked around the room - pictures of Rafe, and even Emma and me were still there. So there were parts of me still left in the farmhouse, but it just didnít feel the same.

Iím not sure if itís because I left her so she could build a life with Frank and figured Iíd never be back. Iím not sure if itís because when I asked to come back I was rejected. Perhaps itís neither; maybe I was still stung by her leaving. Maybe I thought Iíd roll over some morning and sheíd be gone again - no voicemail, no note, no nothing.

Whatever it was that gnawed at me, well, it didnít have a name. She opened the door, wrapped in the robe from our spa trip. Her hair was damp, like mine, and fell over her shoulders. I remember thinking, "Sheís gorgeous, I love her... I want her... and judging by that look in her eyes, she wanted me too..."

Still... I couldnít say it felt like home.


October 2009

With one month to go before Francescaís arrival, Natalia stayed at Company and helped Buzz hand out treats, while Philip and I walked around town, going shop to shop, so Emma could trick or treat. Out by the farm there was no one to visit so we all went to town.

He asked me casually how it was going with Natalia and I was honest. It was going really well. Sure, she had mood swings now and then, but chocolate-coated vanilla ice cream bars seemed to keep her satisfied. Thatís why I made sure the freezer was packed with at least one full box at all times.

It became sort of a joke.

When she would get too unreasonably Iíd just go to the fridge, pull out the treat and hold it out for her. She smiled every time, except once... there was the night when she started to cry instead saying how sorry she was for being a bitch, and how last time she didnít have anyone to put up with her mood swings and blahblahblah. I just Ďshussedí her at that point and let her eat her treat while she put her head on my shoulder. Not that I didnít care about her woe. I did, and I still do, but this wasnít real woe. It was hormonal induced craziness woe. Period.

As Philip and I walked around something did occur to me. I asked him if the mansion felt like his yet. He smiled and asked me what I meant. Itís that playful look he gets when he knows whatís coming, but he just wants to hear it for himself. So I told him that even after a month it still felt like Nataliaís Farmhouse. Yes, I had my stuff there too, but...

"It doesnít feel like home."

It wasnít a question. He understood exactly what I meant. Then he explained that he still would turn corners and expect to see Alan there...and that maybe he still was because sometimes heíd get the faint whiff of cigar smoke although no one smoked at all there. But with each day, it happened less and less.

I asked if he felt it Ďcheapenedí his relationship with Beth that it wasnít Ďtheir homeí and he asked if thatís how I felt about Natalia.

Was that the issue? I ran down my checklist. Are we affectionate? Check. Do we communicate? Check. Did we agree on which of our belongings weíd keep in the house and what would go to storage? Check. Did we both make sacrifices to call it our home? Check. Was the sex great? Double Check. I had to say that everything was...great.

Still...I couldnít say it felt like home.


November 2009

It was late - later than I usually liked to come to the farmhouse.

I know it was hard for Natalia to balance Francesca and Emma. Neither of us had slept through the night in weeks nor did we think we would. We were both prepared, and even though Iíd offered a nanny, just for a few hours for some rest, Natalia refused. She said sheíd done it before, she could do it again. I reminded her that although I love her completely thereís a big difference between 35 and 16.

I didnít have her strength. I admit it. I was napping at the Beacon sometimes - sue me. I needed it though. I really did. It gave me energy to take over in the evening so Natalia could get some rest. Sure, Frank did take Chess on the weekends when he could, but a 24-hour break - hell even a 48-hour break - isnít enough time to re-energize - not at our age. Besides, although I was glad Francesca would have a relationship with her dad, I felt more like her other parent without Frank being front and center constantly. That was just perfectly dandy with me.

So although Emma was helpful, and loving her role as big sister (thank god), some days it just wasnít not enough.

I looked through the window as I walked up the dark sidewalk and porch. She was there swaying back and forth as she rubbed Francescaís back. Emma had Nataliaís shirttail and was tugging it. Natalia smiled, but I could tell even from the porch, it was a weary smile. She was tired. She was beat and again... I was late.

The woman IS a damn saint for putting up with me, but she knew the score. My absence wasnít because I was out chasing men, or skirts. I wasnít out drinking with Doris and getting loaded. Okay, that happened once and it was a three-martini lunch to celebrate the baby according to Doris. Natalia never found out, but regardless it never happened again.

Natalia gets the fact Iím trying to build something I can give to the girls after weíre gone. Money canít buy happiness - I know first-hand. However, money can provide independence, stability and a sense of security that poverty doesnít, something that my wife is starting to understand. Yes, my wife. I didnít make it official in the eyes of the law but I had Mel and Doris both draw things up as much as we could to make our Ďunion legalí with each other.

Through all those late nights though, she juggled both kids (one of them figuratively and one of them literally). I smiled as I watched the three of them. I love my lady. I love my daughters. I love my business... even if I have a late night now and then that makes me feel guilty.

Yet even though itíd been months since we came back, and Emma and I were happy here...

Still... I couldnít say it felt like home.


December 2009

Iím standing in the kitchen, trying to compose myself, as my hands gripping the sink.


I donít turn around. Sheíll see my eyes. But I canít reply either because my voice will crack. I know it.

I hear Natalia move toward me. I can tell Iím breathing hard because my shoulders are rising and falling. I feel Natalia put her arms around my waist, her body flush with mine.

"Is it your heart?" she asks me in a soft scared voice.

Now Iím frightening her. This is stupid. I just darted from the room with what probably looked like a terrified expression.

I turn to face her and I just shake my head at first, still not trusting my voice. I clear my throat and open my mouth. Iím not sure how to say this without hurting her. Maybe I should just...

"I love you," I begin. Thatís a good start. Warm her up a bit, right? Get on her good side? "And I need to be honest. Being here, in this house, I..." Iím not sure how to continue. Iím not sure how to tell her that our house hasnít felt like a home to me, like I really belonged there, especially when she does so much to make it such a warm, loving place.

"Itís suffocating," she says.

Iím momentarily confused. "What?"

"You want out. You didnít sign on to be a mom again a-and itís too much. I pushed you and now you want to leave, but you donít know how since Emma loves it a-and-."

Sheís near tears now. Shit!

"No," I say a loudly and then catch myself. If I donít keep it down, Iíll have Emma worried next. "Sweetheart, no. I love you. I love our Baby Boo and Jellybean. You, Emma and Chess - you girls are my entire world. Itís just..."

"What Olivia?" she says taking my hands in hers.

"Since Iíve come back... the farmhouse hasnít felt like home to me. Itís a place where the people I love live, but...Iím not sure how to explain it, but it feels like Iíve been living in your house."

"Olivia," Natalia sobs slightly. "Itís your house too," she insists.

"Yeah, my name is on the deed, so legally, it is, but it feels like itís been a temporary living arrangement; that at any moment it might change."

"Is it something Iíve said or-?"

"No," I cut her off again. This isnít about her actions or inactions at all. "Youíve gone above and beyond to show youíre in this for the long haul."

She nods softly. "So whatís the problem?"

"Thatís the thing. I couldnít put my finger on it, but something just happened in there," I say as I point to the living room.

Natalia looks confused. "I donít understand. You bolted after Emma said sheís happy to have another real Christmas at home. Iím not sure what the problem is."

"Neither am I," I tell her and snort. This is ridiculous. "Iím not sure what it was about that comment but suddenly it hit me..."

I lower my head and I start to cry silently, the tears no longer able to stay behind my eyes.

"What Sweetheart?" she coaxes me as she wipes my tears away and raises my chin.

I start to grin.

"With Bean stringing popcorn by the tree and Boo looking at her hands like sheís seeing them for the first time...I looked around the room, and yeah..." I say as I reach up and cup her face between my palms. "I can see it now. This is our house; our home; our family. Itís the place we all belong, even me too... and Emmaís right..." I place a light kiss on her forehead.

"About?" she asks.

I smile at her and run my hands down her cheeks.

"Tonight, it feels like home."

The End


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