Episode: Soul Possession
Subtext report, Xena Fanfiction, Xena and
Note: Many of these reports are littered with errors
because I wrote them quickly and 'on the fly' so I could post
them quicker to the 'Nutforum' back in the day.
Drop me a line at email@example.com.
Our tale opens with
Xena and Joxer on the edge of a cliff. She tells him in her
hand she has a binding contract in every sense of the word so
it's important they put it someplace where Ares will never
find it. They can’t destroy it. No one can. Only Ares. Joxer
puts the scroll inside a scroll. He rolls it up and puts it in
a container. Xena then takes it and jumps into the ocean to
Next we see some
divers popping up with it. Then a bunch of people are at a
conference where they are announcing they have a new scroll.
Two fans rush in and say it's gonna mean more Xena episodes
– a seventh season!! They get the boot by security and the
conference goes on. The announcer, geeky bowtie and all,
starts to tell the tale of the scroll.
Joxer is drunk in a
tavern. Xena shows up and says Gabby's alive. Xena then takes
drunk Joxer on a search. We see Annie then who says it was
Joxer who started the search and it was Xena who was in a
drunken stupor. The director of the meeting tells Annie to
essentially shut up and sit down, he’s studying the scrolls
for awhile and knows what he’s talking about. They call a
short break and the two fans sneak back in to come and talk to
Annie. Annie tells them that Harry and Mattie got hitched. The
fans think it's cool that Xena and Gabrielle got to be a
The meeting resumes
and we go back to Joxer and Xena. Ares shows up that tells
Xena that Gabby might be alive but she can't do it alone - she
needs a gods help. Xena wants to know why. Ares gets down on
one knee and asks if she'll marry him. She then proceeds to
beat on him. He says he'll help her find Gabby if they marry
in front of the fates so it's eternal and unbreakable. She
sees Joxer and he asks if she's really serious about marrying
Ares. And Xena said she'd do anything to get Gabby back.
Xena is sleeping
and hears Gabby. But it's actually Joxer telling Xena to give
up looking, using a paper cone. She takes it and stuffs it
over his head, calling him an idiot. Next we see Mattie and
Harry coming home from vacation from Greece. Harry’s gotta
Jeep. My husband, a big jeep fan, noticed that right way. At
least Xena’s got taste (LOL). She seems like the ‘off
roading’ type don’t ya think? Anyway, they are obnoxiously
lovey dovey with each other with endearments like
Mattie has returned
to their house, where she's still a past lives counselor.
She's going through the mail and comes across a letter from 'Chakram'
and she and Harry go straight to the conference.
Xena calls Ares and
tells him that the answer is yes, she’d do anything to get
Gabby back. She want’s the ceremony to take place at the
lava pit because it’s fitting. She says, "I should be
as close as possible to the one person I intended to spend the
rest of my life with as I give myself over to the one person
in the world I would NEVER choose." Ares tells her it’s
just pre-wedding jitters and says, ‘Just think Zeus and Hera
will be your in-laws’. He vanishes and Xena adds, "Just
when I thought it couldn’t get any worse." (LOL)
Joxer then summons
Ares by insulting him. Ares wants to know why he shouldn’t
just kill him now. Joxer says he has some entertainment for
him with Miss Athens, Miss Mesopotamia and Miss Gaul. Ares
isn’t impressed and starts to leave. Joxer says wait,
there’s more. They bring in a big cake and Meg pops out with
whipped cream. Ares is impressed now (LOL). Of course he
thinks it’s Xena. Joxer goes over and Ares sees her kiss him
and decides he’s had enough. Joxer asks him to wait but
he’s gone anyway. Joxer tells Meg that someday he’s gonna
take her away from all this and Meg asks ‘What about
Gabrielle?’. He says she’s dead. Meg says I’ll drink to
that and takes Joxer’s whiskey canteen. Joxer says he’s in
mourning and she could be a little bit sensitive. Meg says you
can’t do anything about it so forget it. Joxer decides he
can and goes to look for Xena.
At the conference
Harry and Mattie go to Annie to warn her that Ares might show
up. Annie says, 'Why if it isn't Harry and Harry's Ho' (LOL)
Nah she's not bitter much. Harry is rubbing Mattie’s leg and
saying he knows that Annie is upset about what happened
between them but there’s a very good chance Ares will come
for the scroll so they have to be ready. Annie tells him to
not ruin it for him because he hates when people blab the
spoilers (LOL). Mattie tells her to listen to Harry and Harry
adds that if his instinct is correct he’ll be there.
Next we see Xena in
her wedding dress. She’s looking at herself in a mirror and
Joxer knocks. He asks if she’s decent. She says she’s not
sure but to come in anyway. Joxer throws away his canteen and
says he’s ready to help with the search for Gabby. He also
sees how committed Xena is to getting Gabby back by marrying
Ares. And even though it’s a marriage made in Tartarus
he’s the sentimental guy and gives her something old – a
piece of Gabby’s hair from the last time she cut it.
Something new – a fresh flower. Something borrowed – a
lucky rabbit foot. And something blue – him because he
misses Gabby and hates to see Xena go through this. Xena gets
misty eyed and hugs the big lug…..Ahhhhhh….See? Joxer
could be a good character if they didn’t always make him a
horse’s ass. (VBG)
Ares waits for Xena
and she comes walking in the temple. Ares tells her she's
breathtaking. The fates then asked if they’d take each other
for their eternal partners. Xena can't do it. She runs to the
lava pit and decides she's gonna jump. Ares watches and Joxer
screams. Ares then zaps down and catches her. Xena says he
saved Hope and Gabrielle, for being a good bargaining chip.
Ares said he's got Gabby's soul. She gave it up for saving
Hope’s life. Ares wants to make a ‘new deal’. Ares says
that if that happens she has to be his in the next life. Xena
adds that he would have to let her and Gabrielle live out this
life in peace. Ares agree and Xena puts her thumbprint on the
scroll sealing the deal. Ares starts to leave with it tucked
behind him but asks what would have happened if he had
honestly come to her for her hand in marriage. Xena kisses him
passionately making him squawk his good-bye like a
prepubescent boy (LOL). As he poofs away we see Xena holding
the scroll she lifted during the kiss.
Next we see Xena
climbing back out of the water and the announcer saying that
Joxer actually penned the new scroll. We flash to the present
and the announcer is proud that Ares never found the scroll.
They got to it first. A motorcycle crashes in and people
scatter. Ares says "First, second – doesn’t matter.
It’s mine now." A woman on stage asks the announcer if
he scheduled any entertainment. He says they tried to get
Bruce Campbell but he was too much money (LOL). Mattie and
Annie realize they have to do something. Neither of them know
where Harry is. Seems Xena can’t get adjusted too well to
certain goatmilk shakes and is have a ‘difficult’ time in
the bathroom (Gotta work in that bathroom humor somewhere this
year I suppose).
Mattie says, "O’hold
on man," and steps in front of him with Annie. I love
Gabby…I mean Mattie….Have I mentioned that? (VBG). Ares
says, "The sidekick and the comic relief – this should
be good." Mattie says she resents being called a
sidekick. Ares doesn’t seem to care (LOL). He rears back and
belts them both sending them flying out of his path. Ares goes
to the stage and takes it from the shaking announcer telling
him to run quickly (LOL).
Harry comes in and
tells Ares to forget it. Ares says nope he’s Xena’s
‘soul man’ and does a little James Brown spin for them.
They don’t seem too impressed and Ares reaction is pretty
funny. Harry charged the stage in Xena form, war cry and all,
and they start to fight. Ares gets the upper hand and knocks
Harry out. Ares touches the scroll and lifts the spirits of
Joxer and Xena out of Annie and Harry. He switches them so
he’s got Xena in Annie’s body, which he likes much more.
They fight but Ares knocks Xena into the crowd. He turns to
Gabby and asks:
Hey I was just
wondering Gabrielle. What’s it like to have who gave up her
life for you just lose hers forever? (A BIGGGG hint perhaps?
Hmmm? Something to consider (VBG) )
Gabby grabs a rod
from the display and starts to wail on Ares but he gets the
upper hand and tosses her into some chairs in the audience.
She goes down hard. Harry then rushes Ares and gets knocked
into a wall and stuck there. Xena comes back with vengeance.
They battle and she gets the scroll. He starts shooting
fireballs at her and she uses one to burn up the scroll. He
can’t believe he killed the contract (how could he NOT.
She’s Xena after all (VBG)) but he says he’ll be back.
Xena says oh yeah. Ares says oh yeah and zaps away. Annie sees
Joxer/Harry coming out of the wall and rushes to help him.
Mattie makes her way over too and tells Annie that, "Xena
no matter how hard he has tried, Ares has never been able to
break us up." She opens her arms and Xena steps into them
as Harry looks on. Yes, Harry, you’ll be seeing a divorce
attorney. But on the plus side it might make a great
‘Springer story’ (LOL).
can’t see it, Annie and Mattie are walking out hand in hand
with Harry following them:
Annie: Whatta ya
say we call it a day?
Harry: Sounds good.
Annie (to Mattie):
You know I liked you better blond but I can go with this.
Harry: Is there
anything I should know about this new body I’m in?
Annie (putting her
hand on Mattie’s shoulder): Yeah. Don’t stray too far from
his stomach): Dear god, what the hell did you eat?
(LOL) Okay I like
THAT kind of bathroom humor. Call my sick. I can take it. (VBG)
Anyway, that was the last ‘comedy’ episode. Not the best
but not the worst – that’s for sure. Please reference any
attempt at comedy in season five (LOL).
Of course you want
the promo for next week, right?<G>
souls count on her rescue. 20,000 troops stand in her way. The
unforgettable series finale. The last battleground. Coming
Pics a plenty in
this one: Lots of arrows and fire going on. Xena swinging her
sword. Xena on Japanese long boat with an ore in a bikini and
a big black hat. Gabby laying face down naked (back showing,
no tush…awwww…shucks). Xena in what appears to be an
amazon bikini fighting. Xena appears to be watching something
while she’s naked in a white background. Xena in a long
coat/robe that she rips open to show the black bikini. Xena
painted up as a geisha girl. More Xena fighting with sword.
Xena and Gabby looking quite wet with fire all around them. A
crane shot of a Japanese boat and a sunrise or sunset on the
horizon. …………..There you go folks – fight among
yourselves to try to figure it out. (LOL)