Subtext report, Xena Fanfiction, Xena and
Note: Many of these reports are littered with errors
because I wrote them quickly and 'on the fly' so I could post
them quicker to the 'Nutforum' back in the day.
Drop me a line at email@example.com.
Last week when I
saw the spoilers for the Ring I said ‘WooHoo!’. This week
let me amend that and say Woo FREAKIN’ Hoo !!!!!!!!!!(ROTFL).
Great Aphrodite above!! If Tapert gives viewers a kiss next
week I’ll retract every negative comment I’ve made about
the man’s lack of ‘guts’(VBG).
Grant it this ep
isn’t the best ‘plot’ driven episode but it’s up there
folks. It took twists and turns I did NOT expect and that’s
something I haven’t been able to say in a loooong time –
either that or I’m just too damn unobservant lately (LOL).
Not only that but the girls are ‘out’ folks…..We’re
talking maintext – no wink, wink, nudge, nudge, she likes
what I do, is that a hickey - subtext. After this ep I KNOW
who put that hickey on Xena’s neck. It’s a certain little
blonde and I’m not talking about Brimhilda here ladies and
I think I’ll
official change my title at this point – CN Winters, Queen
of Maintext. :)
Anyway enough of my
babbling on to our tale:
Our terrific trio
is walking through the woods searching for Xena. Brim and Beo
think the warrior princess has met her maker (for, what, the 5th
time?!?!) Gabs of course won’t hear that – Xena’s alive.
They all split up to cover more ground and Gab heads toward
some trees. She gets that goofy feeling that someone is
watching her and calls out "Xena?"
Out of nowhere the
warrior princess grabs her and drags her behind the tree with
her hand over her mouth. Without words Xena points out the
monster who’s wandering over the hill. When she’s out of
sight the couple make up for lost time. Gabby has to jump on
Xena’s case for leaving her in that bardly way she does.
Xena says nothing, makes no promises she can’t keep. She
hugs her tight relieved that despite what Beo said…yes she
did see Gabby again.
Xena’s a mess and
Gab quickly leads Xena to the ground to tend to a battered
leg. Brim and Beo arrive. While Beo goes to scout out the
monster, Brim beams at meeting her idol.
B: I’ve waited my
entire life to meet you.
X: If I knew I had
a fan coming I would have combed my hair (Gabby gives a sweet
B: I never should
have doubted you’d be alive. Only the legendary Xena could
survive against Grendel and the power of the ring.
X: I would have
thought I wouldn’t be too welcome around here.
don’t like you. I have nothing but the utmost respect for
you and your philosophy. From the very 1st story I
heard, I knew I wanted to be a warrior like you.
X: Well I’ve
gotten a lot smarter since then. I’ve learned to respect
life, love and peace.
B: Why? What
X (looking at Gab
grinning who returns the gesture) Lots of reasons.
(Now make sure you
check out Brim’s eyes as she shifts between X and G
‘sizing up’ their relationship. It’s priceless but not
as priceless as Xena’s later…but we’ll get to
Beo returns from
scouting and Brim deducts the monster has double back and has
them trapped. Xena’s impressed with Brim’s perception.
Xena turns to Gabby:
X: I know better
than to talk you into leaving but you two should go.
Brim: I won’t
Beo: Neither will
What makes this
scene ‘tick’ is the unspoken interactions – Check out
Xena watching Brim as Brim smiles at Gabby. Xena doesn’t
look for Gabby’s reaction but Xena’s eye
‘unconsciously’ move toward Gabrielle. Last woman to look
at Gabs like that is now in a coma with a bunch of nuns (VBG).
Brim picked the wrooooooong gal to fall for (LOL). Before Xena
can say, ‘Keep your skanky ho eyes off my bardly bitch’ to
Brim the monster roars and they head to the lair.
The plan is to drop
a big rock on Grendel while Xena leads her inside. But not
before a little flashback time. Xena is making the ring but we
see Grim show up and take it. Xena warns her that unless
she’s forsaken love she’ll lose what she prizes most. Grim
says that might be true but before that happens she’ll get a
surge of Godlike power and kick the ever lovin’ crap outta
Xena. Grim puts the ring on and they do battle but she can’t
win before she starts to transform into the monster Grendel.
Xena sees what’s happened. Grim loved humanity and her
beauty more than anything and she lost them. Xena chops off
Grim’s finger and takes the ring.
Back to the present
day a remorseful looking Xena adds that after 35 years Grendel
has finally forsaken love and has used the ring to escape.
They hear the monster yell and everyone scrambles into
position. Xena leads the monster through the mine but before
they can put their plan in motion the monster looks up and
knows what’s going on. She darts away and Xena gives chase.
Gabrielle screams the preverbal ‘Xeeeenaaa!" and tries
to stop her. The others follow and Gab finally catches up.
"I thought I
told you not to come in here!" Xena yells. Her smile is
priceless and filled with love.
listen!" Gabby points out. Very true (LOL) And her smile
is priceless and filled with love.
monster charges back at them scattering all of them to the
ground. Gabby gets in a few good whacks before getting
clobbered. Brim sees Gabby fall and yells ‘Noooo’ (She
hasn’t yet learned how to give that Xena cry of ‘Gaaabriiiellle!’
so you know she’s not the woman for the Gabmeister). Brim
lays into him too but none of them are getting close enough to
do any real damage.
Xena sees the
timbers of the mine giving way and orders everyone back. She
strikes it with the chakram and the rocks and wood begin to
fall. Everyone gets to the other side…except Xena who get
clotheslined by the monster as she tries to make it to the
others. As the rocks fall everyone is yelling for
Gabrielle’s safety (LOL – Damn she’s a popular gal in
this ep. Just once I’d love to see a gal fall for Xena and
see Gab’s reaction. But then again that could get pretty
blood. I mean all we’ve had is LaoMa and she was dead at the
time!! And think about how well the bard took that
Of course, everyone
is yelling for Gabby but Gabby is yelling for only one person
(VBG). She scurries up the rock pile and starts to move the
stones to get to Xena. On the other side Xena is battling the
monster. She sees her chakram but can’t reach it. The
monster works her back into the corner where he starts to put
the bear hug on her, crushing her itty, bitty warrior bones.
Gabby finally has a space give enough she can squeeze her body
through and shimmies down to the other side with Brim and Beo
both telling her to stop. But again, they weren’t paying
attention earlier – Gabby never listens. She sees Xena’s
chakram and picks it up. She runs to the back of the mine to
see Grendel putting the big squeeze on Xena. She doesn’t
think twice. She runs at full speed and jumps on the monsters
back, striking it over and over until it drops Xena. For ONCE
the bard saved the warrior!! Woo Freakin’ Hoo!!! Of course
after losing it’s grip on Xena it’s able to toss Gabby
like a rag doll. However the chakram falls at Xena’s feet
and she picks it up and cuts Grendel like a fish.
Gabby gets back up
and the two gals check on each other. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
luuuuvvvvvvv!!!!!!!!!! Gabs puts her arm around Xena while
Xena cradles Gabs cheek in her palm. (VBG)
Brim and Beo arrive
and Xena gets the ring off the monster's finger. It’s there
that she realizes, "Wait!! This monster has all it’s
fingers. Uh oh!!" Xena tells them they gotta get out this
place….if it’s the last thing they ever do….they gotta
get out of this place…girl there’s a better life for me
and you….Okay well she doesn’t say that but she suggests
that now would be a nice time to exit, stage left. As they walk
along Xena says that monster is not Grendel and reminds them
why. She says they gotta get the ring back to the rheinmaidens
as soon as possible. Brim looks up and sees a raven and
she’s not too comfortable about it. Back at the lair
there’s another unhappy monster to see the handy work Xena
and Gabby just did. The raven Brim saw flies back to Odin’s
castle, apparently tipping him off as to the ongoings. Xena
and group have this conversation as they walk to the river.
Brim: (to Gab) She
really is giving up the power of the ring. She’s is NOT the
Xena of the legends.
G: She fights for
Brim: I don’t
know I mean in battle she’s everything I imagined.
G: There’s more
to being a warrior than skill. There’s fighting for what you
believe in and people that you love.
Grim: Until you I
never thought of a warrior having any love except the love of
Grim gives her a
flashy little grin and Gabby gives one in return. Xena watches
all this from below as she adjusts her bandage. If looks could
X: I’m gonna tend
to this (her leg). Brim will you scout ahead over that ridge.
(Wordless and with a big smile to Gabby Brim leaves) . .
.Thank you (Xena calls looking relieved to see the woman gone.
She rises and has the oddest look on her face (LOL) – her
shoulders are squared and her head cocks back) I don’t like
her. (I tried to find a pic of this but I couldn’t –
Moondog if you find it make sure you include it in your
review. It’s just priceless (LOL)).
G: Why do you say
(Xena: Well for one
thing she’s after you like a hungry dog with a bone…Oops
sorry, Xena didn’t say that. She’s a ‘secure’ woman
who knows her bardy wardy luvs her werry, werry much (VBG))
X: I don’t know.
She’s just not who she says she is.
G: Xena, SHE
doesn’t know what to believe in.
X: . . . I don’t
Xena!! You made that mistake with Najara and you ain’t gonna
make it again!! You go girl!! Woo Freakin’ Hoo!!)
While Brim scouts
the area Odin appears to her with the Valkyrie with him. He
wants to know why she didn’t kill Xena and get the ring like
she was supposed to.
complications," she tells him as she looks away guiltily.
My ravens tell me you’ve fallen in love with her partner. Is
it possible you thought killing Xena would kill any chance
Brim doesn’t have
an answer. She’s busted. Odin orders his Valkyrie to get
Gabrielle. They will trade her for the ring because Odin’s
gotten Xena’s number and he knows her weak spot. And if Xena
doesn’t trade then they’ll kill Gabby. This doesn’t sit
well with Brim to say the least.
Xena is looking
around and tells the group that something’s up. Brim should
have been back by now. Instead of gullible Gabby, arguing in
Grim’s defense, she keeps her mouth shut. (Ha Haaaa! The
bard CAN be taught!!(LOL)). Suddenly out of nowhere, Odin and
the Valkyrie strike and they do battle with them. As the fight
wears on Brim comes busting into the scene and swoops Gabby up
into her arms and they fly away on her horse. Of course Gabby
gives the ‘Xeeeenaaa’ cry that means save me and Xena has
to give the heart angst ‘Gaaaabrielllle’ in response. (LOL)
Xena doesn’t ask
- she ORDERS - Beo to go watch to see where they land –
she’ll battle the Valkyrie. When the gals start getting
their asses kicked pretty good Odin shouts ‘Enough!!’. He
tells Xena that he wants the ring. Xena says she’s taking it
back to the river where it belongs. He says he wants it for
himself. Xena says no dice. He says he has Gabrielle and
he’ll kill her. Xena says ‘Nah ah, Brim acted alone. You
were just as shocked as I was when she flew in here’. He
huffs and puffs and declares open season on Xena because he
didn’t kill Grim – it was her son (she was ‘with
child’ when she changed) and together they will be
Xena shrugs him off
in that warrior princess way of hers. Besides she’s got more
important things to do – she’s gotta bard to track down.
Beo says they went thaddaway and off they head. Odin for his
part goes to a mourning Grim and tells her they can take
revenge together on Xena.
Back at the Marsh,
Brim let’s Gabby down and the bardly one is not all that
happy that she was taken, leaving Xena to fight alone. Brim
and Gabby have this conversation.
G: What are you
B: Odin and the
others were going to kill you for the ring.
G: We left Xena to
fight them all.
B: Is Xena all you
ever think about?!
(Why yes Brim –
yes she is (VBG))
my family. She’s the most important thing in my life.
B: Gabrielle listen
to me. I bring the bravest warrior to Mulhallen slain in
battle-heroes- but your heart has more truth and courage than
any that I’ve seen. The beauty inside you burns like a star
Gabrielle. I was supposed to betray you and Xena but I
couldn’t. Not now. You changed me. You’ve opened my eyes
and you’ve changed me like the way you changed Xena.
G: I don’t know
what to say. . . I’m sorry (starts to walk away)
B: (Grabbing Gab by
the shoulder and spinning her around) I defied my GOD for you
G: (no response –
she just looks stunned)
Odin goes to
Monster Grim and they zap away to get revenge on Xena.
Back to Gab and
G: Xena and I have
a connection. It’s strong than either one of us. We’re
B: My love is
strong! I can feel it!
G: I’m trying to
tell you that Xena and I are meant to be together. We didn’t
– we didn’t make it that way it just is.
Gabby’s name from the marsh)
G: Xena! (Brim
draws her sword)
B: I can see your
heart lies with Xena but I’ll prove to you which one of us
deserves your love.
Xena asks Beo as
they walk through the bog if he knows his way around this
place. Beo says he’s never been there but he’s go through
the fires of hell for Gabrielle. (Well guess what REDSHIRT?!
Xena HAS GONE THROUGH THE FIRES OF HELL THANKYOUVERYMUCH! (LOL)).
Jesus, just what Gabby needs now – ANOTHER ADMIRER. Don’t
they know ‘I’ love Gabby? I’m sure I’ve mentioned it
once or twice (VBG).
Odin and his pesky
hunchwomen show up again. Beo gets knocked out by Odin’s
fireball and Xena tells him to step aside or join the
Olympians. Odin’s not buying it. He throws a ball at Xena
which she dodges but suddenly a tree grabs her . . . But
wait!! It’s not a tree! It’s Monster Grim.
Beo recovers and
does battle with the babes on horseback but gets a sword in
his side for his trouble. With him out of the way and Xena
getting her WP fanny kicked all over the place, the group
closes in on her. She realizes she only has one choice. She
has to put on the ring. Like Grim before her she gets super
strength and wipes the floor with the group but doesn’t kill
Odin or Monster Grim. She retreats into the woods but Odin
doesn’t give chase. He knows – ‘It’s killing what she
Gabby and Brim are
still going round in circles as they walk toward where they
heard Xena. She’s going to battle Xena for Gabby’s hand.
And they have this exchange:
G: Brimhilda you
can’t win. Listen to me - this is wrong. Can we – Let’s
just talk about this?
They don’t get
the chance to talk however because some Valkyries show up.
Brim pushes Gabby back like that good ole season one Xena way.
They take them out fairly quickly and continue their
conversation but not before Gab hears Xena fighting in the
They’re going to kill her before I have a chance to prove my
love for you.
G: What are you
fighting for? You want to win my love?! You’re going to shed
blood for what? For me? . . . You call that love? . . .
You’re sick (Brim looks despondent as Gabby goes in search
of her ‘soulmate’(VBG))
find Xena first however. Brim does. Seems the curse is working
because Xena doesn’t know who Brim is or even herself for
that matter. Brim knows that Odin can’t get the ring and
it’s the only bargaining tool she has to see that Gabby is
spared. But Xena doesn’t seem to know this ‘Gabrielle’
woman. Brim convinces Xena that if she gives her the ring,
people will leave her alone. Xena drops her sword and hands it
over to her. Brim leaves and Xena plays with her chakram
trying to figure it out and ends up cutting her hand. She
drops it next to her sword and walks off.
Brim returns to
Gabby and tells her that Xena won’t remember her. Gabby
doesn’t buy it but Brim tells her, "She put on the
ring." Gabby’s got the ‘Oh Sh*t’ look on her face
and listens as Brim tells her Xena’s fate. The thing Xena
prizes most was her memories of Gabrielle and the good woman
she had become with Gabrielle’s guidance. Brim concedes that
she could never compete with Xena and Odin and the Valkyrie
will hunt her down. There’s only one thing she can do –
leave her human form and become a flame for Gabrielle – an
eternal flame so strong that only her soulmate can break the
spell. She gives Gabby the ring and tells her that it’s
safest with her. ‘It’s too powerful to fall into
undeserving hands and so are you [Gabby].’ Gabby takes it in
her hand and Brim ‘lights up’ so to speak. She circles
Gabby as Gabby gets some new sexy dudes that looks about two
sizes too small for her bustline (LOL). Gabby gets sleepy and
takes a nice nap on a big rock with the ring in her hand.
Beo stands up and
tries to find Xena. He doesn’t find her but he finds her
sword and her chakram. Xena is wandering in the woods –
unsure of anything – where she is and who she is. She falls
to her knees and screams ‘Who am I?!’ as we fade to black.
Hope it was worth
the wait folks<G> BTW the disclaimer is
"Gabrielle’s popularity surged in the making of this
motion picture" – you ain’t just whislin’
Queen of Maintext
week’s TV log line:
Princess - Return of the Valkyrie
Xena (Lucy Lawless)
has amnesia as Hrothgar's (guest star John Leigh) bride,
Wealthea, and must regain her memory in order to save
Gabrielle (Renee O'Connor). Rated – PG-13.