Subtext report, Xena Fanfiction, Xena and
Note: Many of these reports are littered with errors
because I wrote them quickly and 'on the fly' so I could post
them quicker to the 'Nutforum' back in the day.
Drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Xena and Gab are
wandering through the desert like a couple of stupid lost
vacationers. Okay, okay….they’re not stupid but they are
vacationers. Gab wanted sun, sand and surf and wants to know
why Xena has them roaming around in a sandstorm. Eve and
Virgil are no where to be found so it’s kinda like a second
honeymoon gone bad (VBG). Xena tells Gab to take her hand so
they don’t get separated. Gab asked, "Do you know where
we’re going". Xena replies, "Do we ever know where
Now enter the
gratuitous hot tub shot. Out in the middle of nowhere they
find a little fallen down structure that as luck would have it
a tub! How convenient huh? (LOL). Since I’m sure everyone
would like to know about the hyped up exchange here it is:
X: Don’t say I
never give you anything…the sun, sand…
G (splashing Xena):
X: That was
unnecessary. A little uncalled for (Xena rises from the water
in full ‘side’ nudity which might not air on some stations
I’m sure) Alright I’m prunin’. I’m outta here.
Gabby follows Xena
out of the tub and we get some shots of some beautiful
G: There’s a
strange beauty in the desert
X: You do look for
the good in everything don’t cha?
G: Why does it
sound like an insult when you say it?
X: Well maybe not
G Yeah well sand up
my wazoo gets me a little edgy.
X: I hate it when
A fight ensues
somewhere and Xe and Gab go to check out the noise. They see
nomads circling a group of people and they decide to ‘even
the odds’. After the gratuitous battle, the leader Melosa…I
mean Kahina(BG) tells her to mind her own business. Gee whiz!
Sorry to lend a hand!! Gabby says "Let’s go Xena".
Suddenly the people draw their swords. Uh oh…Who is she to
take Xena’s name, Kahina challenges. Xena is long dead.
Nope, Xena tells her not dead just a very long confusing
story. The blondy chick must be the ‘batting bard of
Potiedaia’ Gabrielle. Gab grins and says she hasn’t heard
of herself referred in that way but yes she is Gabrielle. Xena
ends up proving their identity with a little razzle-dazzle
with her chakram.
They take the
terrific duo home and feed them bugs. Xena tells Gab to be
good and eat the nice vermin. It might insult them since
neither of them are sure of these folks customs. Kahina says
she’s battled another tribe but she has a bigger threat from
the Romans. Their legends say that Xena would arrive someday
to unit them and lead them to great victory. Xena agrees to
help. Seems these villagers have read many of Gabby’s
scrolls and the bard is mildly amused to learn she’s so well
read. As a token of good faith Kahina offers her skuzzy
cousins for an evenings pleasure and Gabby leans over and
prods Xena with, "What was that you said about not
We then see Xe and
Gab getting ready for bed as Gab wonders if they bought the
story about amazon chastity (LOL). They discuss their ‘rock
star’ status within the tribe and Xena says she hopes she
can help them against the Romans because if anyone knows the
Romans it’s them. "I’ll say," Gabby answers and
rolls over. That’s when Gabby tells Xena about a moment in
the battle earlier when she froze – unsure of killing or
disarming a man. Xena says she has to go on instinct. If she
take the time to debate it to could get her hurt. Gabby
doesn’t reply she just stares off.
They arrive at the
rival tribe’s camp. They introduce the leader and his son to
Xena. Before you can say red shirt the son takes a shine to
Gabby and has custom washes her feet. While the foot f’in
master does his thing, he points out to Gabby that as her
scrolls progressed so did her warrior knowledge. She said she
hadn’t noticed that. Xena is chatting about the Romans and
looks over to find red shirt touching her bard’s feet. Not
only her feet but her naked feet. The roman attack doesn’t
seem so bad as the look on Xena’s face as she stands up to
go talk with Gabby. Gabby sees Xena approach and quickly darts
her foot away. Even red shirts got the look of ‘Uh oh. I’m
playing footsie with the wrong gal’. Gabby comes over and
Xena says she’s going to go get some info on those pesky
Romans. The group leaders urge her not to go but you know
Xena…once she sets her mind on something.
After they walk
away we see the two of them riding their horses to the roman
camp. They have this exchange.
X: What’s with
the desert boy? (You just gotta hear Xena’s sarcasm when she
says this line(VBG))
G: He wants me to
teach him to use the sais.
X: He’s picked a
G: It’s kinda
strange to be considered a warrior than a bard. I guess I’ve
come a long way.
X: Is that a good
G: ….Yeah. It is.
At the roman post
Xena poses as wealthy roman investor and they try to get the
goods on what’s going on. Gabby is posed as her slave –
her very outspoken slave who’s tired of always having to be
the one to play the slave. Seems the Romans have a trade route
sent up and decide to kill anyone they please…or words to
that effect. I mean we never really do find out why they are
going after the tribes in this tale. I can’t see why they
just can’t use the route without killing the folks. I
don’t see the ‘motive’ here but this is supposed to be
the ‘relationship heavy’ ep so I suppose we over look that
detail. Anyway, seems three legions are coming and Xena now
has the inside scoop.
On the way back
they get caught in another sandstorm. They get separated but
Gabby manages to find Xena as someone approaches with a knife.
Gabby charges and lets that instinct that Xena spoke of take
over. She stabs him only to find out it was red shirt carrying
the peace treaty between the two tribes to show Xena.
Gabby’s a little shook up to say the least. They find
shelter and Xena washes the blood off Gabby’s hands. Xena
says she’s gonna take red shirt back to them and Gabby says
has to talk to his father. Xena says you will be let me break
the news and she rides off.
Back at the camp
upon seeing his son dead, dad starts to blame Melosa’s
tribe. Xena says there were prints from thousands of men. Dad
thinks it’s the Romans and Xena goes right on letting him
believe that. She goes back to Gab who wants to know how it
went. Xena tells her that she ‘mislead’ them. He thought
it was the Romans and let him go on believing that. Gab says
she’s going to tell them the truth. The penalty is death for
Gab’s crime. Gabby accepts that but Xena doesn’t. Xena
begs and pleads with Gabby (no kidding folks, she’s really,
really begging, almost to the point of tears (VBG)) that Gabby
keep quiet. Melosa then comes in with a roman they said killed
red shirt. They are going to drag him back to the roman camp
as an example. Xena says they don’t know if it was him and
Xena won’t stand for killing a man who might be innocent.
Gabby is watching all of this very distraught. There’s blood
on his sword so he did it, Melosa says. They string him up and
Gabby steps forward and confesses. Xena is none to happy –
not angry, just very sad.
Melosa tells Xena
that Gabby has been taking to Kader (Dads) camp. She pissed
that red shirt is dead and that Xena lied to them. Xena says
killing Gabby won’t solve anything and the Romans will still
come. Melosa says they can’t follow Xena and at dawn Gabby
dies. Gabby is shackled in the tent with redshirt when Dad
comes in and asks Gabby how it feels to kill an innocent. She
said it’s unbearable. He said if he knew what snake she was
he would have struck her head off then and his son would be
alive. He leaves while Gabrielle thinks back on her life about
violence and where she’s at today. She tells Xena that the
light Xena didn’t want to see go out is barely there and
it’s best if she died for the sake of everyone.
Xena’s lying in
bed thinking about the Gabster when she gets up. Next we see
Gabby being lead outside to where they bury her up to her
neck. Things aren’t looking too good for the bardly one.
Xena goes back to the Romans and tells them where to find the
nomads that have Gabby. As the riders start toward Gabby to
play polo with her head the Romans make their appearance in
the distance. Everyone scatters and Xena runs down to uncover
Gabby and get her to safety. It’s amazing but Xena manages
to do this in 5 seconds (she has many skills (VBG)) and when
Gabby comes out she doesn’t have a bit of dirt on her (Gabby’s
got a few skills too it seams – or just sand resistant
clothes (VBG)). They have this exchange:
G: Saved by the
romans - I would have bet against that.
X: It took them
X: I needed a
G: Last night I
thought letting them kill me was the best thing for everyone.
X: Gabrielle you
may never forgive yourself for what happened to Cora. But
you’ll be a stronger person for it.
G: I don’t know.
X: I felt that way
once. I thought there was nothing left to live for. I was
tired of hurting and I just wanted it to end.
G: What changed it
X: You did.
G: I guess we’ve
come full circle, huh?
Xena and Gabby head
back to the nomads and tell them they either will die unless
they let her help. Melosa doesn’t trust them. But Gabby
points out that they could have rode off. Dad wants to know
why didn’t they. Gabby said she can’t bring the boy back
but she can save his people. Xena adds that she promised to
help and she keeps her promises so here they are. Reluctant
the two leaders agree to follow Xena again. Xena sets up a
booby trap (and not the usual kind lately that involves her
body(VBG)). They hide in the sand, knowing they have sandstorm
coming. Melosa points out that it’s funny the Romans showed
up just in time. Xena shrugs her off and walks away. Melosa
jabs Gabby and says that ‘guess you didn’t put everything
about Xena in those scrolls’ before she walks away too.
The Romans are
marching when the storm strikes. At that point the nomads jump
out and take on the army. Xena ends up killing the captain (of
course). Gabby is in the battle but this time she has a staff
(WooHoo!!) and she ends up saving Dad from a roman. In the end
the Romans get dusted (literally and figuratively). As night
falls Xena and Gabby have a final heart to heart chat:
G: You saved me
today Xena…against the greater good. Why? Isn’t that what
we’ve been fighting for?
X: Gabrielle in
everyone’s life there’s something that goes beyond the
greater good. That’s what you are in my life. I wasn’t
about to let you die out there if there was something I could
do about it.
G: What if it was
X: Especially if it
were your choice.
Dad comes over and
says that since she saved him they are now ‘even’. Gabby
says that’s not true. Dad says no it’s not but ‘he could
have become a great warrior. Just like you.’
Gabby says ‘just
like me?’ after Dad leaves and Xena puts her hand on
Fade to Black
It was an okay ep.
I liked the scene and confessions between the gals but the
story fell a little flat for me all in all. But you can be the
judge. For those that ask I’d give it 3 out of 5 chakrams
for ROC’s performance in this one. But then again, I love
Gabby. Have I mentioned that? (VBG)
Next week: It’s
bar-b-que bard on the menu folks. Thigh, breast – who wants
what? Seems Xena and Gabby find a group even worse than the
horde . . . and they have an appetite for pretty young blondes.