Lines (S-5, E-11)
Subtext report, Xena Fanfiction, Xena and
Note: Many of these reports are littered with errors
because I wrote them quickly and 'on the fly' so I could post
them quicker to the 'Nutforum' back in the day.
Drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org.
First up – we get
our bard back!! Second up – we have a clip show. I’ve
always loved the clip shows because they seemed to making
something new out of their clip shows and the usual remember
when junk other shows pull. Unfortunately this is one of those
‘remember when’ shows but for a Xena ep it wasn’t ALL
that bad and it did have some funny moments. Now onto the
writer’s block (as usual lately) and Aphrodite comes to the
rescue playing ‘head shrinker’ for Gabs as the group
crashes in Dite's temple for the evening.
Dite begins the
‘exam’ by having Gabby recount the day. So the bard tells
how they were trying to find a name for Xena’s baby. I say
name the damn horse first THEN worry about naming the kid. For
cryin’ out loud the kid isn’t even here yet (that’s the
next ep by the way<G>).
The debate soon
turns into how cranky Xena can be. Xena asks Joxer if he
thinks that she’s ‘cranky’ as he thinks it over we see
Xena pushing him around in FFG, Callisto and BTDT. After
consideration of these facts Joxer answers with a ‘no’ and
Gabby jabs him about his cowardliness.
Xena says she can
control her temper to which Gabby doesn’t agree. They place
a bet. If Gabby wins and Xena blows up then Xena gets KP duty
for the month – cooking and cleaning. If Xena wins she gets
backrubs for a month. They spit shake to seal the deal and
Gabby says she’ll be nice and take the horses to the river
to bathe them. She tells Xena to go to town, get some food and
to take Joxer, since she needs a witness to make sure that
Xena doesn’t ‘fall off the temper wagon’.
At the river, Gabby
is talking to Argo about how Xena thinks she can’t give Argo
a simple bath but as she returns to put more water on the mare
she finds a mini Argo. Back on the ‘couch’ Dite says
it’s no big deal since the horse got shrunk. Of course Gabby
isn’t convinced. Dite goes into a spiel about how Gabby is
repressing ‘latent tendencies’. She doesn’t get into
what those tendencies might be but I have my suspicions. (VBG).
Anyway they banter a bit and get back to the story.
Gabby is still
spazing over Argo when Lacromos, the God of Despair, appears.
He says the water is his sacred spring and Gabby has insulted
him. Gab apologizes, but it gets her nowhere. He refuses to
change Argo back. When Gabby learns he has never laughed or
joked, she makes yet another bet – if she can make him laugh
then he’ll fix Argo. We go into flashbacks again but nothing
seems to work on making the god happy. In town Xena and Joxer
are eating as a baby is screaming. Xena cooche coos the baby
but the baby seems scared and shuts up. Xena doubts her
abilities to be a mom but Joxer (being useful for once) makes
Xena feel better about the prospect of motherhood by saying
Xena might not be the ‘conventional mother but the kid is
lucky to have her as their mom’. Ahhhhhh…now if only Xena
and Gabby could share a few touching moments like that it
would be like the show I used to watch years ago (VBG).
Back at Dite’s
temple, the love goddess decides to have a pj party and
transforms them into wearing pink jammies and fuzzy pink
slippers. Gabby’s not too enthused but she goes back to
telling about their day. Seems Gabby forgot to tie Argo so the
little pony goes looking for her master. Gabby in turn goes
looking for the miniature horse.
Back at the temple
Dite makes a bath tub because animals are just so dirty and
she had to bathe just listening to this part of the story.
Dite offers to make Gabby a tub too but Gabby passes only to
have the love goddess squirt water in Gabby’s face.
Xena and Joxer have
left the tavern and decide to go shopping at the local grocery
store. That was pretty fun in and of itself – you could hear
a guy over a PA system saying clean up on aisle seven (LOL).
They also play cheesy store music too in the back ground so
make sure you listen for it. Anyway Gabby ends up there too
looking for Argo when they do meet up Lacromos has shown up
too. Gabby pleads again but the god won’t budge. When Gabby
insults him by saying he isn’t skilled enough to make Argo
big, he shrinks her too. So there’s little Gabby who sounds
like she’s eating helium is trying to get Argo under control
even though she’s about one foot tall.
Joxer pays Xena
more compliments about being a mom and they hug. From over
Xena’s shoulder Joxer sees the shrunken Gabby waving him
over. He goes over and investigates. Gabby tells Joxer to
stall Xena and help her get big somehow. Of course Joxer has
all kinds of different plans at first but Gabby cuts that
short by biting his finger (LOL).
Joxer, Gabby and
little Argo all head to the lake where Joxer summons Lacromos.
When he shows up Joxer goes into the woeful tale of his life
and Lacromos soaks it up. Back at the tavern, Xena is looking
for Joxer. She walks in and asks, ‘Anybody seen a guy in a
pointy hat?’ A table of holy men, who happen to be wearing
pointy caps all turn around, terrible offended. The head dude
asks Xena if she’s trying to be funny. She says not
intentional. When her friends aren’t around Xena whistles
for Argo – someone she can count on.
Hearing the whistle
Argo takes off and Lacromos hears Gabby yelling. He starts to
go after her but he can’t see her. Joxer suggests making her
big so he can find her and Lacromos compliments Joxer on the
‘good idea’. Gabby gets back to her normal height and
traps the god with her sais as she and Joxer escape.
Argo finally does
answer and walks into the tavern. All the people inside laugh
at the ‘dog with a horse head’ and the ‘just add
water’ horse that Xena has. She’s mad as hell now (LOL).
Not only is her horse tiny but people are making fun of her (ROTFL).
You have to listen close to hear the bar patrons but it’s
funny as heck. Xena flashes back to all her evil
transformations and screams "Gabrielle!!" at the top
of her lungs.
Gabby and Joxer
shows up and Xena thinks that ‘Gabby’s got some splain’
to do’ . Gabby explains the curse and the cure for it. But
Xena really doesn’t care. Someone walks by with some pies
and Xena picks up two. She menaces closer to Joxer and Gabby.
Joxer dashes away and Gabby gets smacked. (sidenote: this is
the scene where ROC got a nosebleed – her first during all
the fight scenes she’s been in during the five years of
shooting (LOL) Look close after she gets hit and you can see
Joxer thinks he’s
safe however but Xena takes aim on him. Joxer ducks however
and the holy dude behind him gets hit. The other patrons
return fire and soon everyone is throwing pies at everyone.
Everyone gets hit except for Xena. Lacromos shows up and Xena
sees an opportunity. A pie on the ceiling is stuck but she
uses the chakram to knock it down. She makes the god look up
and he gets smacked with the pie. Everything stops but when
the God starts to chuckle and then laugh he releases the
After telling the
story to Dite Gabby realizes just what is missing – her
inner child. She loved to write because it was fun. However
lately she’s been so busy being a ‘grown-up’ and
preparing a way for Xena’s child that she never stopped to
consider her needs and what made her happy. She decides that
she will write again with a thanks to Dite. Dite says not to
thank her yet as she disappears. Gabby hasn’t gotten the
bill for services yet. With quill in hand Gabby finishes the
story of the days events.
The trio are
walking along again and Xena’s talking about how good those
backrubs are gonna feel since she didn’t really get cranky.
Gabby isn’t sure about that but she’ll go along with it (
I mean honestly. If Xena asked you to rub her back would YOU
refuse – I thought not (VBG). But as they are walking they
hear something. Xena turns around and gets smacked with a pie.
They don’t know who did it but they hear a laugh from the
heavens and realize it must be Lacromos. As they walk on
again, we ‘fade to black’.
Next week is the
baby ep – Gods galore!! A dashing ‘demi-god’ and a fight
to the death. Ares, Zeus, Hera and as I’ve read (but
didn’t see in the preview) ATHENA. Didn’t see Iolaus so I
don’t know if he’ll be sidekicking but it did look like
another ‘not to miss ep’ (VBG)