Episode: Lyre Lyre Hearts On Fire
Subtext report, Xena Fanfiction, Xena and
Note: Many of these reports are littered with errors
because I wrote them quickly and 'on the fly' so I could post
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Lyre Lyre Hearts On Fire
Let me just get it
out of the way now - I love Gabby! Have I mentioned that? (VBG).
Just when I think
Gabby couldn’t be sexier they put her in a cage in a go-go
a sexist pig even if I am female(VBG). But I’m jumping
ahead. Let’s start at the beginning.
I’m not sure if
there was subtext in the very beginning because my father and
I were arguing
over how to properly work the VCR, TV and Satellite Dish. When
I finally took control
(which is quite a struggle since dad is 6’4" and 230
lbs. - imagine my fear when I
told him I was ‘part-time queer’ but that’s another
story for another time (VBG)) I got things up and
Xena breaks up a
fight between Draco army and a group of amazons. They both
magical lyre. Draco has not forgot Gabster - he’s still
under Bliss’ spell and madly in love.
When Gabby pulls from Draco’s touch Xena pushes Joxer away
and puts a protective
hand on Gabby’s shoulder (Ahhhhh, how sweet! Unfortunately
that’s the closest
thing we have to subtext in this ep).
Anyway, the two
groups start to fight until Xena breaks into song with
"War" - and as someone
has pointed out it seemed like the worst version of this song
I’ve ever heard. (LOL).
After the number the two groups agree to enter a ‘battle of
the bands’ contest. They
go to the music capital of Greece where Xena and Gabby explain
that they are going
to have a contest. Well the villages break out in song - an
original song btw - with
intentions of entering the contest. Gabby tells Xena that
everyone now wants to enter
so Xena tells her to start to make the first ‘cut’ (No.
Not chopping people up which
Gabs has gotten real good at lately). She tells Joxer that
they need to build a stage
and he goes to work. Xena starts to head off and hears her
mother behind her.
The phrase ‘deer
caught in the headlights’ comes to mind when Xena recognizes
the voice. The
two embrace and mom wants to meet that ‘special someone’
who knocked Xena
up. Xena says the father isn’t in her life. But Cyrene says
that every child needs a
father but Xena points out that Cyrene did it. Cyrene counters
that it wasn’t easy.
But Xena says,
"I have help Mom" (Can anyone say GABSTER?!(vbg)).
Meanwhile Gabby is
listening to the bands when Xena and Joxer show up. They are
terrible. Joxer says
to cheer up; they can’t all be mediocre. Gabby says
"No. They all suck."(LOL)
I’m not sure why this struck me as so funny - just hearing
ROC deliver they word
‘suck’ made me laugh out loud. But suddenly they hear
someone playing nearby that
doesn’t suck and they go to investigate.
Enter Jace, the
flaming brother of Joxer - singing an upbeat disco version of
"Dancing in the
Moonlight". Okay call me crazy but this song had me
bopping around(LOL) and the studs
Joxer had dancing for him were cute. Much better looking than
Discords boy toys -
Jace knows how to pick ‘em. Jace starts a conga line and
Gabby grabs Xena to join in.
They pass Cyrene who has a guy for Xena to check out and she
quickly makes her departure.
Gabby just looks the guy over and moves on. There’s a great
shot of her reaction
at MaryD’s site. (LOL)
When the music
ends, Draco tells Jace they don’t like his kind ‘round
there but Xena and
Gabby show up and break things up. Xena warns that he better
not hurt a hair on Jace’s
head. Draco explains that he doesn’t want this
‘panty-twist’ to infect Gabrielle.(LOL)
Too late Draco!! I think she’s been ‘converted’ for
quite awhile now!
(LOL) The little smile and eyebrow twitch that Gabby gives
Draco after Xena’s threat
is fabulous. Oh yeah . . . we know where Gabby’s heart lies
and it ain’t with Draco.
I must say, there
really is no reference to Jace’s homosexuality in this
episode. He just looks
like every other eccentric rock star in the world(LOL). Kinda
like a deranged Ricky Ricardo
(You know …. Heeeeey Luuuuccccy…I’mmmm hommmmmme). Maybe
one of the Czech
Bros. from the old Saturday Night Lives.
Anyhow, we see the
amazon leader putting the moves on Joxer but they get interrupted
by Jace who wants to see his brother. The reunion isn’t
happy one and Joxer
tells him to leave him alone. Next Jace is sharing drinks with
Xena (well he’s doing shooters
and she’s drinking milk(G)). Jace says he can’t believe
how Joxer has treated him
but Xena explains that Joxer doesn’t know who he is but who
he wants to be. Jace agrees
and the two part company. Cyrene enters with another suitor
that Xena shoos away
by showing how pregnant she is. He gives them some space and
Xena makes it clear
that she doesn’t need help finding a man and says now she
knows why she left home
Gabby finds Joxer
and asked why he’s so heartless toward Jace. Joxer says Jace
is wasting his
life but Gabby points out that he’s still his brother. The
amazon shows up and
asks Joxer to check out her moves. The group goes to the bar
and Gabby looks on at
the amazon throwing herself at him, wondering why it bothers
her that he has another
distraction. Draco shows up and proposes marriage, which Gabby
refuses but not
without some colorful commentary. Xena for her part learns
that her mother has placed
a personal ad and begins to get bombarded with unwanted
After Gabby leaves
Draco in the dust he fantasizes about Gabby and sings the song
There To Remind Me" well not sing - more like scream. My
this version of the 80’s classic but he likes that crap
music anyway(LOL) To each his
own I guess. Anyway Draco decides that if he can’t have
Gabby no one will. Jace is practicing
as amazon chick and Joxer look on when Gabby asked Xena if she
thinks that the
amazon and Joxer make a good match. She’s not interested she
says but Xena makes
the point that if she doesn’t want him he’s fair game. You
can see that Xena is ribbin’
her about it. But Gabby doesn’t reply.
We see Joxer going
to Jace with a half ass apology - saying that if his brother
wanted to be
weird that was fine by him. Jace told him that Joxer still
didn’t ‘get it’ but thanks anyway.
After the next suitor, a young man who wanted to do right by
Xena, the warrior
goes off and finds her mother making the announcement that
she’s going to kill her
(LOL). Cyrene says she just wants Xena to have a family. Xena
points out that Gabby,
Joxer and yes even her although she hates to admit it at the
moment are her family.
Xena then breaks
into song with some amazons that are around and sing
"Sisters Are Doin’
It For Themselves". I will say that LL does a better job
with this song - it’s more in
her ‘tune’ of singing voice. By the end of the song mom
accepts Xena’s choice of ‘family’
and they hug (VBG). Draco on the other hand is in a rage
because Gabby hates him.
They are soulmates he tells his men (LOL) Sorry Draco! The
position has been filled by
Xena, dude!! (LOL) In any event Draco decides that the
finishing touch on their act will
be when he kills Gabrielle.
At the contest
Gabby is getting people in order when Draco comes up and asks
love one finally time. She refuses and he takes her. When he
takes the stage Gabby
is in a cage in the cutest little white go-go outfit. She’s
trying to get out but can’t
break the lock - finally someone gives her rock to bust the
lock. As the song ends and
Draco closes in for the kill, Xena shows up and plays her
theme song on the Lyre, making
everyone stop. Gabby manages to bust loose and does a maush
pit jump into the
crowd. Gabby holds Draco off long enough until Xena gets
there. They start to rap to
each other as they fight. Of course I don’t need to tell you
who wins. (VBG) Xena beats
the tar out of him and ends up winning the band contest but
instead of taking the
Lyre she gives it to the city for everyone to enjoy.
Joxer and Gabby
discuss her jealous. She says she’s just used to Joxer being
Joxer agrees that it’s okay and if she’s doing anything
that evening - her response?
"Not a chance in Tartarus". Nice to see that Joxer
knows where he stands(VBG).
Everyone comes on
stage at the end and sing. Joxer makes up with his brother.
Xena does a
little song and dance while keeping her arm on Gabs shoulder
(like I said, little subtext(G))
and all is right with the world. (VBG)
This one wasn’t
too bad folks. It was better than the Bitter Suite but
that’s just my jaded
rift opinion I think. (G). Next week it’s pie fights
galore… this one looks like it could
be an unexpected treat…Lord knows we could use one again. (VBG).