Attraction (S-5, E-4)
Subtext report, Xena Fanfiction, Xena and
Note: Many of these reports are littered with errors
because I wrote them quickly and 'on the fly' so I could post
them quicker to the 'Nutforum' back in the day.
Drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org.
here's the one you've been waiting for folks. The one where
Xena finds out she's going to have a bundle of joy. I'm not
going to be too surprised when the kid pops out with blonde
hair but call me a subtexter.(G)
Okay here's the scoop. The gang (Army, Joxer, Gabby and Xena)
are walking down the road. Joxer is eyeing Gabrielle much to
her discomfort (YES!!) and asks Xena for advice. Xena however
is asleep in the saddle. She's been having that problem a lot
lately - as well as the upset tummy. Anyway she suddenly wakes
up and hears trouble.
She races ahead on Argo while everyone else hoofs it. She
finds a horse in a game trap as the rest of the crew arrives.
Gabrielle's presence instantly calms the animal and Xena tells
her to keep talking to him. She does and Xena manages to free
the horse. Xena says they'll have to tend the wound before
they release him but Gabby sounds disappointed. Xena gives her
one of those 'I know what you got in mind bard' grins and asks
if she has another ideas for him. Gabby doesn't answer. They
take the horse into a village. They find a stable where a guy
tells them there's no weapons allowed in their town. Army,
being the big mouth she is, gets defensive and asks if there's
anyone who feels strong enough to take away Xena's weapons. A
woman, in old west getup, walks in and says she is. They spare
and when Xena nicely knocks her on her fanny she offers her a
hand up. The woman takes it and she and Xena embrace. Seems
the sheriff was a bad girl who now is the local law in those
parts. Xena offers Taleus, the sheriff, a meal of raspberry
jam and raw fish. Everyone declines and Taleus and Xena go off
on their own.
Over the meal Taleus learns that an evil dude is headed back
into town. Xena offers her support but Taleus refuses saying
it's her fight. The rest of the crew have split up - Gabby's
trying to 'make contact' with the new horse. Army is
accidentally trying to kill Armond (from the 'Convert') who
happens to be in the mineral baths. And Joxer is just hanging
out with the two soon to be lovebirds. Army slips however and
Armond and Joxer laugh at her. She in turn calls Armond a
mother--------. . .well they cut the last part out. Next we
see Armond and Joxer getting a massage and talking bout
'women'. Army for her part is in the sauna gripping to Xena
and Gabby about Armond. Xena says she doesn't feel well and
Gabby tells her to perhaps see a healer.
The healer tells Xena she's in great heath considering she's
pregnant. She holds him by the throat and says it's impossible
for her to be pregnant. Or as Xena puts it:
"It is impossible. I can not be pregnant. If you weren't
such a quack you would know that getting pregnant requires
certain physical requirements that I haven't meet in a loooong
time. And I mean a verrrrry long time. No one. Zilch. Zippo. I
am in a love free zone. Therefore it is utterly impossible . .
We then cut to Joxer who is trying to help Gabrielle with her
sack of apples. But he refused to get his hands off her apples
and breaks the bag. We see Xena leaving the doctor's hut,
calling him a quack. Gabby finally makes it to the barn and
asks Argo to tell the new horse she won't hurt him. Armond
walks in and asks advice on what to do about Army. Gabby
suggests flowers because you can't go wrong with flowers.
Women love flowers - well except for Xena she observes. Then
we cut to Xena who is smelling some roses and makes baby talk
to a teddy bear. Armond then goes in search of Army as Gabby
binds her ankle to look like the horse to win his trust (LOL).
But it still doesn't work. He won't come near her.
Xena finds her friend Taleus where the sheriff confesses that
the bad dude, Darcon, is her estranged husband. Taleus says
she can't ask Xena to help since she's pregnant - Xena looks
shocked but Taleus explains that her mother was a midwife and
she knows all the signs. Taleus leaves as Xena sits slack
Later we see Xena at the tavern where she orders a milk. He
laughs at her. She has a hissy fit (LOL) but gets her milk in
the end. Army comes in and asks for advice about Armond. Xena
says either kiss him or kill him, it doesn't make a
difference. Xena makes her way out as Armond is walking in
with tokens of love for Army. The casual conversation turns
into an argument but suddenly they kiss. Joxer comes in
looking for Gabrielle as Army rushes out. Gabby, however, is
still in the barn working with the horse that is now coming
Next we see Xena pacing as she's telling about the pregnancy
but it's Argo she's talking to and adds "Gabrielle is
gonna freak". She leaves the barn (no Gabby there at the
moment) and runs into Armond. She persuades him to try again
with Army. But once more it ends up in an argument.
Xena goes back to the barn to see Gabby feeding the horse an
apple. Xena has a very affectionate smile on her face. But the
moment gets interrupted when everyone walks into the barn
arguing. Xena shouts, "I'm pregnant!!!"
Everyone shuts up. (LOL) Gabby looks like a deer caught in the
headlights (ROTFL). And I'm sure you're all going to want to
know so here's the exchange:
G: You're pregnant?
X:~smiles nervously and nods~
G: HOW can you be pregnant? Xena? I mean when did you. . .?
Who did . . .?
X: I don't know (almost a whisper)
G: You DON'T KNOW?
X: Gabrielle, it's as strange to me as it is to you. I don't
understand it but it's true. I felt it with Solon. There's
life within me . . . and it's good.
G: ~cautiously hugs her~ Congratulations.
Joxer says Xena's announcement beats the hell outta his news -
Darcon is coming. No one can find the sheriff so Xena says
it's up to them. Xena puts Army and Armond together to guard
against a flank. They argue again but admit they do it because
they are both scared of what they feel (ahhhhh).
Xena and Gabby wait for the evil dudes too. Xena is looking
for the bad men but you can see Gabby has other things on her
mind and have this exchange:
G: You don't have the slightest idea?
X: Now look we've been through this 1000 times - I don't.
G: How could you NOT know? I - I jjjjust find that hard to
X: Tell me.
G: Ares! Maybe he did a god thing -
X: ~waving her finger dramatically to cut her off from ANY
more speculation~ No.
G: When's the last time we saw Hercules? I can't -
X: ~rolls her eyes a little but gets stopped when they hear
the evil gangs horses approach~
Xena and Gabby don't finish the conversation. They rush to
face the bad dudes. Taleus seems to be back and stands in the
middle of town telling Darcon this wasn't his home anymore.
The gang splits up and so does Xena and her crew. As Taleus
and Darcon fight, the bad guys try to take Taleus out but Xena
and her band of merry men and women - take them out so Taleus
has a fair fight with Darcon. In the end Taleus wins but
instead of killing her husband she takes him into custody to
go before the judge.
Back at the barn Armond and Army kiss goodbye. Gabby is
getting her horse ready and she and Xena have this exchange:
X: Congratulations. Looks like we're a two-horse family.
G: Yeah. Family being the operative word . . . .You know what
I think. I think it's the beginning of a beautiful
X: ~rubs her stomach~ Yep. For all of us.
Outside, Gabrielle mounts her stallion and asks if she'd like
to race to Greece and Xena answers that if they did that Gabby
wouldn't be able to walk straight for a month (as if there's
anything straight about Gabby (LOL). Ohhh settle down anti-subtexters
it's just a joke okay).
I still think they are batting 1000(G). It's not the funniest
of the comedy eps (that goes to A Day In The Life, followed
closely by FFG) but it was good. Xena's . . .ahem . . .
'coming out' to Gabrielle about the pregnancy was very subtext
heavy. The way she took the news was almost unnerving. Even my
hubby said, looks like you'll have something to write about
this week (LOL).
As for next week it's a repeat of ISAIH (another good one in
my opinion). I'd rather see a new one but 'In sickness' was
good for a laugh or two. And as for this week's disclaimer,
"Although the rabbit died, no animals were harmed in the
production of this motion picture."