Subtext report, Xena Fanfiction, Xena and
Note: Many of these reports are littered with errors
because I wrote them quickly and 'on the fly' so I could post
them quicker to the 'Nutforum' back in the day.
Drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Our tales open with
sex! Not Xena and Gabby – settle down subtexters (G). Ares
is rollin’ around in the sheets with a Barbie doll that says
she wants to be his ‘heir’. Ares pretty much says thanks
for the ride but don’t let the door hit your naked butt on
the way out.
Now cut to Xena and
Gabby battling some bad guys – well you don’t SEE them
battling the bad guys, you just see dudes flying. You hear
Gabby asking to help but Xena refuse. When we do see the bard
she’s filling up some water skins. She’s grumblin' about
how Xena has to do everything, when Ares shows up. Gabby
isn’t too happy to see him but he says he sympathizes with
her since Xena can’t change her perception of the bard. He
says he’s noticed how good she’s gotten with her weapon
and Gab remarks that at least SOMEONE noticed. When she turns
to face Ares he’s gone. Gabby makes her way back to Xena but
suddenly the water skins get punctured and Barbie shows up.
look too worried. She asks the woman what she wants to which
Barbie says she’s Malacan and want to kill Xena and the best
way to do that is to kill Gabby. Malacan throws a javelin at
Gabby but Xena shows up and stops her. Xena whips out the
chakram (which is pretty cool I must say(G)). They battle
(making sure to keep most of LL’s shots above the waist (LOL)
- Doesn’t help though. You can tell she’s pregnant).
Anyway, Ares shows up and breaks them up. But she doesn’t
give up. She throws a knife at Xena but Gabby uses her sais to
deflect it before Xena can. After Ares says that perhaps
she’s right. He needs a successor. He creates another world
and sucks Malacan, Gabby and Xena inside so they can’t
damage any more temples.
There’s a few
rules however. Xena can’t kill Malacan without being trapped
in the other world. Malacan must kill Xena if she wants to be
the successor. When Gabrielle comes to she’s in a dark room
but no Xena. Xena for her part finds that she’s in a forest
with no weapons when Malacan comes back. They fight. Xena
knocks her down a hill as the sun starts to set. Next we see
Gabby wake up in the forest at night. Now it’s Xena who’s
in the little room. Xena however has a spectavision (G) where
she can watch Gabrielle. She wonders what the hell Gabby is
doing when she starts playing with some vines and walking
around Malacan’s camp.
Gabby makes some
smart-ass comments about being an amazon when Malacan jumps
from the tree. Gabby gives a pull and flips Malacan on her ass
(LOL). Gabby reminds Malacan of the rules after she rushes her
– ‘Xena can’t kill her but there’s nothing that says
that SHE can’t’. Malacan however gets the upper hand and
the box Xena was stuck in during the ‘Debt’ makes another
appearance. This time however Gabby is in the box, as bait for
when Xena arrives. Malacan has to do the tough talk and the
sentimental talk. She wants to know what it’s like to be
with Xena. She says she read one of Gabby’s scrolls a while
back and after she kills Xena she’ll need a biographer.
Gabby however doesn’t want the job (LOL).
But the sun starts
to rise and Gabby starts to wig out like she’s having an
epileptic fit – suddenly Gabby morphs into Xena and Xena is
the one in the cage. Xena now knows that Ares has merged them
into one being – Xena’s words by the way. Malacan decides
she’s going to try to shish-a- bob Xena with a few spears.
Xena tries to talk her out of it to work against Ares. But
Malacan would rather impale her. When Xena catches one in the
gut Malacan goes over to taunt her. Pity. Xena whips her
upside the head and manages to get out of the box. Malacan
however has disappeared. Wily little one she is. Malacan said
she’s just going to wait until sundown and kill Gabrielle.
If she does that she’ll kill Xena as well.
Xena senses Ares
around and he says he wants her opinion on Malacan, saying
that she’s a bit better than he thought she’d be. Xena
says this is all so he can watch is new girlfriend fight. Ares
says no it’s so he can watch is olllllld girlfriend fight. (LOL). Ares says Gabby is in the little room but she
doesn’t have a camera view like Xena. He compliments Gabby
saying she’s pretty smart and she’s got a fire. She also
figured out part of the riddle. She can kill Malacan but Xena
can’t. Xena tells Ares ‘You’d like that wouldn’t ya?"
and he disappears. But Xena starts to think. He WOULD like
that but why? She's not sure. She takes some tree bark, some
clay and heads off to make camp before nightfall.
Malacan is busy
too, making weapons and such. Xena sets up her little trap for
Barbie girl. When Malacan arrives Xena opens a can of whoop
a** and ties her up – giving a butt kicking to Malacan that
Malacan gave Gabby the night before. Nobody bounces her bard
around the forest without feeling it. But before she can do
more, she morphs into Gabby who doesn’t know what is
happening. Xena can now see what’s going on but can’t do
anything. She whispers for Gabby to look around – which she
does. The warrior bard (my new pet name for the Gabster. I
love Gabby. Have I mentioned that?(G)) sees a staff and grabs
it but it doesn’t come easy and she tugs it again. Gabby
notices what’s going on and ducks to the ground. A huge log
comes out and whaps Malacan giving Gabby the chance to get
free. She doesn’t escape unharmed though since Mal hits
Gab’s shoulder with an arrow head stone.
Xena is in the room
watching it and is relieved Gabby got away when she hears
Ares. The war god says: "You have to like her style. Her
focus. The intensity. The ability to learn and adapt. She is
just incredible. I can’t believe I took her for granted for
agree and doesn’t think Malacan is all that. But Ares says
it’s not Malacan he really wants to win over. It’s
Gabrielle. Now the warrior princess gets a little pissed. (LOL)
She pops Ares in the mouth and says ‘Gabrielle will NEVER
follow you’. Ares replies that maybe Xena doesn’t know
Gabby as well as she thinks. They’ll see after Ares makes
his offer to her to be Xena’s successor. All she has to do
is kill Malacan.
In the onset, Gabby
sees the tree bark attached to the staff she took with her.
She takes it off and it’s a note from Xena. Xena explains
what’s going on (since Gabby doesn’t get ‘TV
privileges’ like Xena(G)) and tells Gabby not to kill
Malacan – she doesn’t know why yet (well at least at the
time of the note she didn’t).
Gabby tends to her
wound in a cave when Ares shows up. Gabby isn’t pleased to
see him but she listens to what he has to say. He says that
who better to take over Xena’s throne then someone she’s
trained. He uses Xena’s lack to see that Gabrielle has
changed in order to win Gabrielle over.
to his spiel about how his world order plan was misguided. He
needed someone like Gabby – someone who was forceful but
knew restraint. Xena never did. She was too bloodthirsty.
It’s someone like Gabrielle he needs to keep peace through
power. Gabby asks what would happen to Xena. Ares says she
would go back home, live with her mother, knowing the world
was in safe hands since it’s with someone Xena trusts. Ares
tells her not to answer now. Instead he gives her one of her
sais and tells her all she has to do is kill Malacan and
he’ll know she’s ready.
Malacan shows up
and Xena yells for Gabby not to do it. Malacan and Gabby duke
it out and taunts Gabrielle. Gabrielle kicks the crap out of
her and raising to blow to strike but she won’t do it. She
throws down the weapon as day breaks. Gabby morphs into Xena
and Xena and Mal fight again. Malacan says Gabrielle is her
‘fatal flaw’ – Xena can admit her flaws(G) and agrees
but she taunts Malacan about her flaw – needing a destiny.
Xena traps them in the cave and they both battle until they
end up on some vines over a huge hole.
Xena taunts and
teases Mal, shaking the vine to make her fall into the abyss
to be forgot – Malacan’s worst fear. Malacan calls on Ares
for help. He shows up and says are you asking for help.
Malacan says yes and Xena in typical smart-ass Xena fashion
says sarcastically ‘she’s asking for help’. With that
Ares opens the ‘window’ and Xena smiles before jumping
into it. Malacan is a tad pissed. Ares said they could ask for
help but as he tells Mal that doesn’t mean you should.
Xena and Gabby
‘separate’ as they come back through the window and Ares
shows up. He still offers Gabby a chance at his side but Gabby
doesn’t take it. After he disappears, Xena and Gabby have a
heart to heart talk about Xena’s perception of the bard.
Xena said she’s sorry she’s misjudged her and (more or
less) she can see now that she’s a woman who can stand on
her own not a girl that needs protection. Gabby says that it
looks like at least some good came out of Ares plan as Xena
puts her arm around Gabby’s shoulder leading her away. They
chuckle, they banter some more and we fade to black.
Most of the
‘subtext’ in this ep is the ‘maintext’ stuff that
subtexters have come to enjoy and non-subtexters bitch about.
(LOL). You know what I mean - the I’ll do anything for my
warrior/bard stuff that’s become so much a part of the
series. The storyline itself put me in the frame of mind of
the book and film ‘The most dangerous game’ about humans
hunting humans and they did it quite well in my opinion. Ares
was likable as his selfish self here too. (G) It’s a shame
that Kevin is going to call it quits on Xena. I think he will
be missed greatly like Danielle (Ephiny) and Hudson (Callisto).
I have to say they
are 3 for 3 now!(G) I really enjoyed this one too. I can’t
remember the last time I enjoyed three in a row. And next
weeks looks like a hoot! The first comedy ep of Season Five
– we finally see Xena discover she’s gonna be a mommy.
Gabby wants to know when and how and it doesn’t look like
Xena has an answer. She does however have a cute little
teddybear stuffed animal she’s holding in the promo (G).
Looks like they might go four for four. <VBG>