Subtext report, Xena Fanfiction, Xena and
Note: Many of these reports are littered with errors
because I wrote them quickly and 'on the fly' so I could post
them quicker to the 'Nutforum' back in the day.
Drop me a line at email@example.com.
My apologies for a
late report. I’ve been sick this morning and spent most of
the morning in bed. That of course did not prevent me from
dragging my butt out of bed earlier this morning, going to
mom’s house and seeing Chakram (G).
Let’s say that
TPTB are batting 1000 so far this year. I really enjoyed it.
And I love Gabby. Have I mentioned that? (G) The woman keeps
getting sexier and more intriguing every year but that could
just be my biased opinion since she’s a bard like me (G).
Anyway…on to the story.
Kal, the God of
War, in the region they are currently in, wants to get the
chakram of light. Only thing is there’s a catch. Only the
purest of heart or soul or something along those lines can
take it from the sacred altar. Kal forces a monk to go into a
temple to get it. When he goes in it’s sitting on a yin and
yang table but one chakram is already missing. The monk picks
it up but he’s not as holy as Kal had hoped and he burns up
quicker than a campfire marshmallow.
Cut to the
‘crew’. Xena and Gabby are still sitting around looking
like they just woke up from a dirt nap. And when you think of
it they just did (G) so that’s fitting. Americe (?), or
amazonette as I so often called her – let’s be honest
she’s a KID for crying out loud, a young Gabby if you will
minus the good looks and sparkling personality (G) – anyway,
she gives Xena back her Chakram. Xena tells Gabby she
doesn’t know what it is. Gabby’s like ‘Wooooooo! Hold on
a second here’ and goes to get Eli. He might have brought
Xena back but he didn’t bring ALL of Xena back. Gabby then
runs down the list of Xena’s foes – Callisto, Alti, Caesar
– but Xena can’t seem to remember them.
shows up at Kal’s pad and they talk about how Xena got the
dark chakram. Seems the light chakram can kill a God. But
remember the little catch, someone pure can only remove it.
Kal realizes he needs Xena to get the chakram and sends his
henchmen after her.
decides they need to get more clothes and weapons. At the
market place, Gabby comes out in her new garb – the pics
we’ve seen of the Xenaistic leather get up – along with a
new weapon. Gabby asks Xena, who’s wearing a flowing dress
(nice move by TPTB to hide the growing belly (G)), what she
thinks of the weapons she’s holding. Xena says they look
okay but if she’s wants to buy them she better ask Joxer
since he’s the one with the bucks. Americe points out to
Xena that Gabrielle had bought them for her because SHE’S
the warrior. Right then Kal’s dudes attack. They knock Joxer
to the ground – typical – and Americe and Gabrielle take
them on. Gabby’s pretty damn good with her new toy. She
steals a henchmen’s sword with it and hoists it into
another’s gut with a might sweep. WooHoo!! Don’t mess with
the bard baby! (LOL) No more ‘way of love’ for her. (VBG)
engage at all. In fact she stays motionless and gets popped in
the mouth by an evil dude. The group gets surrounded. Now
here’s the cool part. Joxer finally manages to get up and he
dive tackles one of the men and two others also fall as a
result (like Domino’s)! It creates the diversion that Gabby
and Army (G) need to take out the other guys. Gabby yells to
Joxer to get Xena out of there which he manages to do without
screwing it up – untypical (G). (Sidenote: I really like how
they are ‘slowly’ changing Joxer from total goofy ball to
Once safely back at
the batcave – oops sorry. Wrong show (G) – the trio tells
Eli about their trouble at the marketplace. Eli tells them
that Kal is the God of War ‘round here and they gotta see
his friend the scholar to find out what’s going on. As they
all leave Joxer pulls Eli to the side. Since he’s the
‘love guru’, Joxer asks how he should go about confessing
his love to Gabrielle. Eli said to make it short and sweet. It
won’t confuse her.
They make camp as
they try to help Xena remember her dark, violent times to
kickstart the ‘real’ Xena. Armmy doesn’t wanna play the
game and decides to go hunting. Xena offers to go with her
since she’s a great tracker – of course Xena doesn’t
realize it (Eli mentioned it) but offers to help. Armmy
insults Xena by calling her a big kid but Xena follows her
anyway. Eli and Gabby are now alone and the sparks really fly
– He takes her in his arms and kisses her passionately,
telling her Joxer is a stooge and Xena will never be herself
again so that only leaves him . . . Okay I’m teasin’ -
that doesn’t happen (LOL) but I bet I managed to raise your
blood pressure. Okay, seriously, Eli and Gabby are now alone.
She talks about how defenseless Xena is now. And she also
confesses that she can’t be on Eli’s path. He says he
knows that and he supports whatever Gabby has decided. Gabby
says (and I quote so there’s no misunderstanding (G):
ironic. Right now, Xena is everything I always wanted her to
be. But without her darkside she’s… lost. My path is with
Xena – helping her how ever I can. I’ll do whatever I have
to do to protect her."
So there we have
it. Xena said it in Family Affair (‘You are my way’). Now
Gabby says it! WooHoo! Could it be that our gals have finally
saw the light?! Could it be that they realize they are MEANT
for each other?! Ohhhh yeah baby!! Yeah!!! (LOL)
Xena is looking for
Armmy and finds some of Kal’s henchmen holding her. Xena
agrees to go with Kal when he says all he wants is Xena and he
won’t harm her friends. Of course Armmy tries to attack Kal
and gets knocked out for her trouble. Later, when no food
appeared I’m assuming (LOL) Gabby goes in search of them.
Army wakes up and tells Gabby that Kal took her so they go off
to the Kal temple.
At the temple, Kal
tells Xena that he wants her to get the Chakram of light since
the last holiest of monks wasn’t so holy and looks like a
piece of burnt toast. But Ares shows up and frees her from her
shackles. The Gods of War fight. Xena sees a chakram on the
way out and has a few flashbacks. She slips away while the
Gods duke it out. The gang is hiding in the bushes. Armmy
wants to charge in but Gabby pulls her back and tells her
Xena’s in no danger because Kal would have killed her in the
forest. WooHoo!! Not only is non-peace loving Gabby back but a
little ‘brighter’ to boot!!(LOL) Gabby says she has a plan
but just as she says it, Xena strolls up (LOL). They all leave
the temple area.
They get to Eli’s
friend’s house but it seems the dead monk is his friend. Eli
has a tiff but tells the girls to go and relax. Xena opts for
a bath. Joxer unknowingly follows her but being the gentleman
he his keeps his back turned. He asks Xena for advice on how
to tell Gabby he loves her. Xena kinda mulls it over and
decides to tell him to be straight (no pun intended (G)) and
tell her – no strings attached. After he leaves she says,
‘You could always kiss the girl’ – now I’m not sure if
she’s speaking from experience here but it sure looks like
it (LOL). It’s just down right funny and subtextual like the
good ole days when subtext WAS subtext. Call me a sucker but I
kinda like the ‘are they/aren’t they feel’ because as
you know, I feel the story has gone MAINTEXT at this point.
Anyway, back to our tale.
As Xena soaks Ares
shows up and puts the moves on her. Which after watching the
Furies this is a little bit freaky if you ask me. (LOL)
Especially if you think they are related. I however don’t
but that’s just my opinion. Anyway, they get ready to kiss
and Gabby walks in. She reads Ares the riot act for trying to
take advantage of Xena in her current state. Ares plays up
that he likes the good Xena and if Gabby really cared for Xena
she’d be ‘happy’ for her. Of course he snickers to Gabby
from behind Xena so the ‘once warrior princess’ can’t
see him. He’s such a dog (LOL) but I like how he tried to
one up Gabby.
Let’s see what
happened next – I can’t remember (LOL) my head is
pounding, my throat is sore – errgghh! I hate being sick.
Okay, let’s cut to the chase. Eli figures out that the
Chakram of light can kill a God – that’s why the dueling
morons Ares and Kal want it. Gabby and Armmy clear a path to
the Chakram temple by kicking a little War God butt (well
actually it’s the war god henchmen but none the less…)
Xena gets inside and grabs the Chakram and comes outside as
Ares and Kal close in. Once they see Xena’s got it they back
away but Xena can’t kill and drops the Chakram. The bad
dudes charge. The crew gets inside and locks the door but not
before Armmy grabs the dropped Chakram.
There’s a back
door and Gabby and Joxer race to lock that one too. As the bad
dudes bang against it, Joxer says he’s gotta tell Gabby
something. Gabby’s like ‘Right NOW?!’. He says that it
can’t wait and tells her he’s in love with her. Gabby
doesn’t have time to reply because the bad guys crash
through. Xena takes her old Chakram and places it on the
altar, fixing it. Everybody, except Xena, fights. When Gabby
is about to get shish-k-bobbed by an evil dude or was it Kal?
I'm not sure. My nose is running now and I don’t remember (VBG). Anyway,
Xena finally takes action and cuts Kal and he gets ‘blown
away’ by the light Chakram. Ares tries to talk Xena out of
the Chakram but Xena won’t buy it. She takes her old Chakram
and the new one, slapping them together to ‘neutralize’
The evil dudes try
to keep up the attack, but look out, cause Xena is back and
she’s kicking butt. And the new Chakram is really pretty
cool. It allows Xena to be at two places as once (well
technically three (G)) but you’ll have to see that for
yourself. In any event, I like the new Chakram and evidently so
does Xena cause she looks like a kid in a candy store (LOL).
Ares takes off in defeat – as usual – and the team all
heads out. They bid goodbye to Eli who’s going to hang out
at his friend’s pad and read some scrolls. Joxer tells Gabby
she doesn’t have to answer him, he just wanted her to know.
And of course the touchy-feelly part where Xena said she knew
she had to find her old self because when she was praying for
an answer earlier, Gabby came to her at that moment. Ahhhhhhhh.
. .how sweet (VBG).
And as I said, they
are batting 1000 so far this season. They just might keep it
up to with next week’s ep. Since Xena won’t be Ares right
hand lady – he’s found another one. And at first glance
she looks like a Barbie doll (LOL) but Xena will kick her
fanny from Greece to kingdom come I’m sure. (LOL)