Episode: Fins, Femmes, and Gems (S-3, E-18)

Author: CN Winters

Fandom: Subtext report, Xena Fanfiction, Xena and Gabrielle fanfiction, 

Author Note: Many of these reports are littered with errors because I wrote them quickly and 'on the fly' so I could post them quicker to the 'Nutforum' back in the day.

Feedback: Drop me a line at cnwinters71@yahoo.com.

Fins, Femmes, and Gems

I thought that since I see Xena on Thursday nights now [G] instead of Sundays (after everyone else in the world) I thought I would do a little report.

Now I know I can't do spoilers as well as others such as ZWolf. Although I rarely agree with his estimation of the eps (in particular, I like the funny ones) his spoilers do make me laugh. The one thing I noticed that's missing from most spoilers is subtext. So I thought I'd offer my opinions on it each week.

So heres the first one and the ep is Fins, Femmes and Gems:

Man alive! There are some great scenes in this one. A small set up for those who didn't see it:

Aphrodite has some ugly thug (the Barbarian from Quill is Mightier) steal this all important diamond which keeps the North Star lit.

As the trio (X,G and Joxer) arrive at her temple hot on his trail, she places a curse on everyone - Joxer thinks he's an Ape Man, the bard is obsessed with herself and Xena can't control her urge to fish.

The first scene I loved was Xena ripping off her armor and leathers shouting "Come on Gabrielle! Let's get wet!". Unfortunately she's talking about swimming and not about smooching or sumpthin' like that. But on the good side we finally get to see what's under the 'enchanted' top (and no it's not what you think! For god's sake this is a family show[G]. She's actually wearing something like a spandex bra. But how she got spandex in Ancient Greece is beyond me. It is BTW, green as well)

After Xena takes a dip and shows Gabrielle the finger points on fisting a fish - Gabrielle makes a point to say that "(Xena) doesn't apperciate the work of art that (she)is" (I'm not sure how much more apperciation she needs, for Gaia's sake - she's Xena's 'source'. What more does she want!) Gabby is so taken with her reflect that she decides to kiss it.

Soon after, Xena breaks away from her obession long enough to realize Gabby's gone. She sees a few bubble and jumps in saving Gab just in the nick of time. As she drags Gabby to the shore, hands firmly planted on her breast (and later lingering), she places her down and starts her 'Gabrielle dont leave me - CPR' but instead gets shot with a mouth full of water and a protest from Gabby. She doesn't want the warrior chapping her perfect lips. As she rises she seductively explains just why she fell in. Going further she tells Xena that as she looked into Xena's eyes she could finally see there was only one person for her. Now at this point X is pretty excited. Her eyes light up. She can't quite get her barrings to speak (not necessarily true she replies "Well, I -" before gettting cut off). She even shifts a little in her excitement. FINALLY after all these years Gabrielle sees it. She sees that the only person for her is. . . her.

The air promptly deflates from Xena's wishful thinking balloon and she grumbels off to which Gabrielle consoles her by saying "Hey! I let you save me!". Yeah. Thanks Gabby. Thanks a lot. Xena and I BOTH thank you.

Later Joxer is acting like monkey man (but then again, what's different) and Gabby is pis**d. Xena has take her to the lake so the warrior would have "No competition". Make sure to check out the lips on the fingers here too[G].

Moments later monkey man swings down and steals Gabby. Xena doesn't mind until her flying parchment falls and she needs G's help. X has a hissy fit at this point and starts screaming for Gabby. Gabby hear her and tells 'Attis' "She's come for me. . .I knew she would. . .She can't live without me for a minute" as a big ole grin covers her face.

Once Xena gets Gabby from Monkey man and they land safely on the ground Gabby shows her gratitude by telling Xena how famous she will be for saving her. The thing I notice was how Gabby clutched each shoulder of Xena's as the warrior soaked it up, at least until the urge to go fishing won out.

With the parchment back in the air, Xena is laying on the compliments to GAbby so she'll steal the diamond from the thugs. It works and when Gabby starts brawling Xena tells her "You're beautiful when you're angry".

Needless to say they save the diamond and the day. Xena breaks the spell when she realized she had issues unsolved about her brother. Gabby breaks the spell by complaining about being only a side kick. As for Joxer we never find out. Maybe it's because everyone thinks he's a talking monkey? Who knows? They decide to let him eat a few more bugs before letting him in on how to break the spell.

As a nice wrap up to the whole affair, I mean farce, Xena pledges that she'll give Gabby more credit because she is, more or less, everything to her. Yep, all and all, just another major love fest as Dite would say. And if you look close at the fade out, you'll see Gabby reach for Xena which was sweet too (ahh yess, give me that sugar high).

Only two more days and I'll have the subtext report number two up. Thanks to all who replied the first time, expressing their interest in this report and giving the me courage to undertake it on a regular basis. And as last time, please excuse the numerous spelling mistakes

Take care

CN Winters