Subtext Reports
Those crazy posts about the episodes originally posted to the nutforum and saved here for posterity in their error riddled entirety (since they were written 'on the fly'). 
Homecoming Series
A series of five (not so short) stories about Xena and Gabrielle building their life together as a couple. 
Magic Series
Janice Covington and Melinda Pappas find love as they uncover more writings of Gabrielle about her warrior princess. 
Conversations by Campfire Series
Set during Season Four, parts of the episodes are worked into chats between Xena and Gab, particularly the subject of Najara and the bard. 
Changes of Heart Series
My take on what happened after Gabby got Chakram'ed upside the head by Xena in the Season Five ender. 
Bonding of Souls Series
This series picks up where 'Changes of Heart' ends with Xena and Gabby back together. Each 'episode' is an expansion of the episodes of Season Six.
Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace
How DID Ares get stuck in that tomb from the Xena Scrolls? This story answers that question. 
The Play
Xena and Gabrielle have to play the leads in a performance for a ruthless king to save Salmoneus' neck. Unexpected consequences and confessions are the result. 
The Queen, the Regent, the Warrior
Xena leaves Gabrielle in the care of the amazons, only to have Ephiny and Gabby fall in love. Xena does return and chaos and secret confessions follow.
The Contest
Ares and Aphrodite battle over Xena's spirit. 
Loss of Virginity
Romantic musings from one of our gals. 
Moment of Truth
Gabrielle does anything it takes to keep Xena out of a battle that's foretold to take the warrior princess' life. 
Thank the Gods For Henbane
At an Amazon festival Gabrielle has one too many henbane brownies, which results in a funny and sexy night for Xena. 
As It Should Be
The Queen gets taken by the Warrior Princess at the Amazon Village.
Family Ties
Xena takes Gabrielle back to home to spend a little time with the 'in-laws'. 
Dueling Cousins
Xena's look-alike cousin, Sappho, has always been competitive but now the Tenth Muse wants the ultimate prize - Gabrielle. 
The End
Alternate 'demise' of Xena and Gabrielle based on the Season Four crucifixion. 
Truth or Dare
Sexy romp between Callisto and Gabrielle set during 'A Necessary Evil' 
November 29th, 1942
A little romance fic between Janice and Mel. 
Inside Outside
Set after the events of 'A Family Affair', it's a scene told through the eyes of four people - Gabrielle's Father, Mother, Gabrielle herself and Xena.
Something To Talk About
Xena and Gabrielle's friends are all surprised that the pair aren't lovers so they consider why not.
Henbane, Horsenappings and Other Obstacles
A 'murphy's law' comedy where everything that can go wrong for Xena and Gabby but, of course, they still end up saving the day.
All That Matters
During Gabrielle's birthday party in' Takes One To Know One', Xena reflects on her love for the bard.  
What if Gabrielle was actually the one behind all the folks who influenced Xena's journey toward good? 
Have Yourself a Merry Little Solstice
A little Winter Solstice tale that's available in general (not lovers) and alternative (lovers). .
Little Moments: A Day in the Desert
A tale told through the eyes of Janice and then Mel while on a dig.  
Candy or Chaos
'Classic Xena' general Halloween story with Xena and Gabby return for the Potiedaia Harvest Festival.
Conquering Heroine
Gabrielle is the Conqueror in this piece. How exactly? Give it a read and find out. 
Watching and Waiting
Set after FIN II, Xena watches from afar as Gabrielle moves on with her life. 
Police Office Carol and Protestor Erin clash but find they're fighting for the same things. A short story based on my novel, 'One Belief Away'. 
March 26, 1943
Sequel to November 29, 1942. This time it's Janice's birthday and Mel has some sexy plans for her lover. 
The 10th Muse
In this traditional subtext story that's part French farce; part musical, Gabrielle has a Doppelganger, the Poetess Sappho. It's up to Gabby, Xena and Sappho's friend Aphrodite to guard Sappho during the 10th Muse Competition...Of course they must also try to repair Sappho's damaged relationship with her lover (a woman, and bandmate, who's the spitting image of Xena).

Title: The 10th Muse

Author: CN Winters

Fandom: Xena Fanfiction, Xena fanfic, Xena fan fiction, Xena and Gabrielle fanfiction, Xena fiction

Rating: PG-13 for naughty language, violence, drug use...the usual.

Disclaimers: Xena and the gang aren’t mine. They belong to MCA/Universal/Studio USA and a bunch of other folks who now own them. If the thought of two ladies in love is unappealing please proceed on to another story.

Author Note: There’s a great out-of-print book called ‘Sappho: A Garland. The Poems & Fragments of Sappho’ Translated by Jim Powell. It’s very short and easy to understand -- it talks about Sappho’s life and works. Some aspects in the book I incorporated directly into this story. Others, well, I used a bit of creative license. For over 10 years, I had this idea rattling around in my head. TPTB were going to do a Sappho ep in Season Four, with Xena having ANOTHER doppelganger, Sappho. They dropped the idea because they said they couldn't figure out how to keep the subtext sub. This 'episode' takes place in Season Six, rather than Season Four, since Sappho is mentioned in S6's 'Many Happy Returns', which is 30 years AFTER Season Four. 

Dedication: This story is dedicated to two of my best friends, Bridget and Norma, who I lost within a year of each other. It was actually through the Xenaverse that I met them so decided as a tribute I’d finally put this story on ‘paper’.

Synopsis:  In this traditional, season six, subtext story that's part French farce; part musical, Gabrielle has a Doppelganger, the Poetess Sappho. It's up to Gabby, Xena and Sappho's friend, the goddess Aphrodite, to guard Sappho during the 10th Muse Competition...Of course they must also try to repair Sappho's damaged relationship with her lover, and bandmate, Anaktoria.

Feedback: Sure, drop me a line at or feel free to contact me via the form on my site at

Act One

As the trio walked inside the inn, suddenly Gabrielle had a cloak transform around her with the wave of Aphrodite’s hand.

“What is this for?” the bard asked.

Aphrodite pulled the hood up to cover Gabrielle’s features.

“It might be best if you hide for now, Gabby. I did warn her, but still, the sight of you might startle Sappho. ”

“So why are we here exactly?” Xena asked as they made their way to the bar.

“Someone’s been trying to kill Sappho,” Aphrodite explained. “There have been three attempts on her life in just as many weeks. She had brown hair before, but her features? Oh wow! She's totally Gabby. So I convinced her to let me ‘color correct’ her hair. If I could make her blonde, I thought they could ‘swap places’ and Sappho could masquerade as our Sweet Pea and vice versa.”

“So when the next attempt happens...” Xena surmised, “we thwart it and Sappho will be safe?”

“That’s my plan. I figure I’d keep Sappho with you, Xena. Then Gabrielle could stay with Anaktoria posing as Sappho. This way people will think that Xena and ‘Gabrielle’ are just taking in a show. Follow me?”

“That’s not a bad idea,” Xena commended.

“Thanks! I’ve tried to find out who’s behind it myself, but I always seem to be a day late and a dinar short. I thought maybe Ares would help me but, you know him, ‘What’s in it for me, Sis?’ So forget him. Sappho’s my galpal, like Gabby, and I want to help her. Besides, so much of her poetry is about me so, really, what’s not to love!”

Gabrielle and Xena smiled at each other and shook their heads at Aphrodite’s conceit.

“Any theories on who it might be?” Gabrielle asked.

“Well, she’s got lots of fans, and she's known the world over, but she has few friends. Sometimes it’s plain ole jealousy, but she’s burned a few bridges in her time too – politically, socially. Plus, she’s really tough on her band – a real perfectionist and her word is the final say, which means lots of people have quit over the years. Add the fact that more than a husband or two has wanted to kill her for ‘corrupting their women’ and… well, take your pick on who wants her dead.”

“Fantastic,” Xena muttered. “We’ve got an egomaniacal, adulterous, musical tyrant to keep safe, who, chances are, isn’t going to be pleased having Gabrielle step into her shoes for the biggest competition of her life. Sound about right?”

The goddess simply tapped her own nose in agreement.

“If she really looks like me,” Gabrielle began. “…how hard can it be to make people believe we’re the same person? You’ve done it countless times,” she added to Xena.

“Sappho is a bit…” Aphrodite let it hang.

“What?” Gabrielle asked.


“I can do seductive,” Gabrielle complained.

“You’re hot, honey, no doubt. But honestly? This is different,” Aphrodite tried to compliment her, yet still sounded a tad patronizing in the process.

“Hey,” Gabrielle whined.

“Really. I love you, but she’s like seductive day and night. She just oozes…” Again, Aphrodite paused for the proper wording.

“Sex,” Xena said devoid of emotion.

“Exactly,” Aphrodite replied and motioned her hand in agreement toward Xena.

“So I have no sex appeal?” the bard asked.

Gabrielle’s eyes darted between Xena and Aphrodite as if daring one of them to answer. Xena opened her mouth, but no words came out.

“No, you do,” Aphrodite answered, saving Xena from having to reply. “But Sappho?… She flirts with anything in a skirt, much to Anaktoria’s dismay.”

“Right,” Xena added with a touch of relief.

“Anaktoria is her better half I take it?” Gabrielle asked.

“Yeah. At first, Anaktoria took it in good spirit, because Sappho adored her. She knew her lover had that fun-time, party girl image to preserve, and once the footlights were extinguished; Ana knew she was Sappho’s number one girl. Lately though, they’re both been tongue lashing each other pretty good and not in a sexy way.”

Xena and Gabrielle both snickered.

“Which leads me to point two,” Aphrodite continued.

“Getting Ana and Sappho to love each other again?” Gabrielle asked.

“Yes,” Aphrodite replied. “I put a lot of work into them and I could cheat and call in Cupie to do the arrow thing, but I want it to be, you know, real. Some people are just meant to be. They’re soul mates.” She looked expectedly at them both.

Xena looked at Gabrielle first with a grin and then turned to Aphrodite.

“So what do you need?” the warrior asked.

“Remind them why they fell in love. Maybe if Anaktoria gets affection from someone who looks like her lover, and Sappho sees she might be replaced, it could start the real thing again.”

“Aren’t you worried Ana will fall for me?” Gabrielle asked. “Or what if Sappho tries to get even by using Xena, which will hurt Ana even more?”

“Look,” Xena told Gabrielle before the goddess could answer. “It’s not like anything would really happen. I know where my home and family are - it's right here,” she added as she waved a finger between them. She then turned to Aphrodite. “Besides, it took 30 years of trial and lots of errors to learn how to please a passionate, opinionated bard. Point is, I’m not looking to trash all that work to babysit some high-maintenance poetess.”

Gabrielle looked confused, as if she was unsure she was being complimented or if she was seen as a burden. 

“Uhh, thank you...I think?” she replied in a questioning tone.

Xena bumped shoulders with Gabrielle and they both chuckled slightly.

“Come on, guys. Be serious,” Aphrodite whined while the pair smiled at each other good-naturedly.

“Fine,” Xena told her. “We’re in.”

The workers in the inn began to turn down the lanterns as a woman dressed in a white hooded robe took to the center of a large stage. It was surrounded with seated patrons at round tables. With her back to the crowd, the gathering began to chant.

“Sappho!... Sappho!.. Sappho!”

She put her hand in the air and a bass line began to pump. The footlights got brighter and soon some brass horns and drums joined in, much to the delight of the now cheering crowd.

Aphrodite leaned over to Gabrielle, not taking her eyes off the woman on the stage.

“Watch her,” she told the bard. “Pay attention to how she moves, how she acts. And don’t look away – you need to take it all in. 

Gabrielle simply nodded and looked back to the stage like everyone else.

The woman center stage gave a loud wolf whistle and two skimpily clad women walked out and ripped the robe away. Everyone’s eyes opened and jaws dropped for a moment, including the three women at the bar. Sappho stood in a string bikini, even more scantily clad than the eye candy from moments before. 

Sappho then began to saunter to the edge of the stage confidently as she sang.

Owwwwww, she's a brrrrick……….houuuuse

She’s mighty mighty… a-just lettin' it all hang ouuuuuuut

As she sang, her eyes scanned the audience, taking in who was present. She noticed a rather busty woman at one of the tables. She pointed at the patron as her hips gyrated to the beat.

Ahh, she's a brrrrick……….houuuuse

That lady's stacked and that's a fact,

Ain't holdin’ nothing back.

Owwwwww, she's a brrrrick……….houuuuse

Sappho then leapt from the stage in one fluid movement and landed on the first table in front of her. The concert goers began to laugh and helped her down as she continued to sing.

Well-put together everybody knows,

And this is how the story goes.

She ran her index fingers down the cheeks of the man and woman who helped, but then she focused solely on the woman. She began to sing to her, cupping the young woman’s cheek as she did.

She knows she’s got everythhhhhing

That a woman needsss… to get a man… yeah, yeah.

How can she loooooose with what she use

As she continued the verse, her hand worked its way along the woman’s side, caressing the woman’s curves as she sang.

36-24-36, owww, what a winning hand!

The woman blushed and squealed as Sappho let her go. The poetess then looked around the room for her next target.

Cause she's a brrrrick……….houuuuse

She’s mighty mighty… a-just lettin' it all hang ouuuuuuu 

Sappho locked eyes with Xena and the warrior turned to Aphrodite quickly.

“So much for laying low,” she told the goddess.

“Tartarus,” Gabrielle swore and tried to turn her head and tighten the cloak as Sappho worked her way over toward them. 

Ahh, she's a brrrrick……….houuuuse

Ow, the lady's stacked and that's a fact,

Ain't holdin’ nothing back.

Owwwwww, she's a brrr-rick……….houuuuse

Sappho moved up next to Xena. She grabbed the warrior by the hips and that’s when Gabrielle turned to see what was happening. Her expression could have been considered a scowl or a look of surprise. Sappho caught sight of the look-alike bard and began to grin. She shot a quick glance to Aphrodite and then really grinned wide. She released Xena and faced Gabrielle. 

Yeaaaaah, she’s the one, the only one

Built like a amazon  

Without asking, Sappho pulled down cloak’s hood and untied it, letting her hands linger above Gabrielle’s cleavage.

The clothes she wearrrrs, her sexy waaaays,

Make an old man wish for younger daaays, yeah, yeah

She then ripped off Gabby’s cloak, letting if fall unceremoniously to the floor as she made a grand gesture at the bard’s figure. The audience nearby, who noticed the similarities between them, gave a collective sigh of surprise and shock.

She knows she's built and knows how to pleeeeeeeease

She bumped shoulders conspiratorial with Xena, who was trying not to smile.

She brings the strongest warrior down to her kneesss.

Cause she's a brrrrick……….houuuuse

She slapped Xena’s arm playfully and then moved toward the other side of the room. She continued to make her way around the room, singing and flirting with every woman with reach, keeping each one of the captivated by her antics. Gabrielle seemed mesmerized too as she watched her. 

As she wrapped up the song, Sappho slid on her knees and ended up in front of the warrior princess again. She gripped the back of Xena’s legs and licked her lips before she looked up hungrily.

Ow, a brick…houuuse.

The band played a few moments longer before they stopped, which ended with the crowd roaring for her. During the applause, Xena reached down and pulled Sappho to stand. Not an inch separated them as the poetess looked up into Xena’s eyes. Soon the crowds returned to their drinks and meals and Sappho focused completely on Xena, unmoving.

“You've returned Ms. tall, dark and… leathery. The dress of course; not your skin. Your skin is…” Sappho then literally purred.

Xena couldn’t help but smile.

“I hear someone’s trying to kill you,” Gabrielle interrupted in a voice that lacked any amusement. The flat tone of her voice made the grin fall from Xena’s lips.

Sappho turned to the bard. She released Xena gently. In a fluid movement, she had Gabrielle pinned against the bar with an arm placed on either side of her so she couldn’t leave. Gabrielle looked left and then right for an escape, but she was trapped. The only place she could look was deeply into the poetess equally green eyes.

“This is soooo…trippy,” Sappho said. “It’s like a living mirror. It’s uncanny, Dite. You were right. She’s… me!” she laughed. 

Sappho started to get a wicked grin. She snuggled into Gabrielle’s shoulder, and turned them so they both faced Xena.

“Just think, Xena – two for the price of one tonight,” she said as she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. “Tell me that thought hasn’t crossed your mind at least ONCE in your life.”

“Not gonna happen. No,” Gabrielle said flatly.

“Fine, maybe she’s not me,” Sappho said stepping back. “But you could with a little practice,” she offered.

“No,” Gabrielle said flatly again.

“Goddess, what a stick in the mud,” Sappho groaned.

That’s when another voice called out, “Sappho?”

The poetess sighed. “Speaking of sticks...” In a louder voice, she said in an annoyed tone, “Over here, Ana.”

The woman came over, her jaw slightly open at the sight of Sappho standing next to Gabrielle.

“By the goddess herself. You look just like Saf,” Ana said before she gave a quick look of ‘hello’ to Aphrodite. She then turned to Xena. "And you..." She trailed off. “Who are you?” she muttered more to herself than  Xena, who looked like her own twin. 

Xena began to grin yet said nothing. Gabrielle also watched Ana, who was still mesmerized by how identical Xena appeared.

“I know!” Aphrodite laughed. “Totally tubular, right!? You all look the same! It's perfect!”

“Anaktoria,” Sappho began, “this is Xena and her partner, Gabrielle. Ladies? This is Anaktoria, Ana for short. She’s…” Sappho trailed off as Ana fainted and fell toward a group of patrons behind them. Luckily, they managed to catch her and rest her gently on the floor. Once she was safely on the ground, they went back to their conversation as if nothing had happened.

“…She’s passing out at the moment,” Sappho finished.

The poetess motioned to the barkeep. Without question, he handed her a mug of water. Sappho casually tossed it over her shoulder and it landed on Anaktoria face, causing her to sputter and choke. As Sappho, put the mug back on the bar casually, Gabrielle moved to her knees to be at Anaktoria side.

“Are you okay?” the bard asked in concern as she gave the woman her cloak to wipe her face.

Anaktoria took the offered garment with a sense of amazement that was growing into a grin.  

“She’ll be fiiiiiiine,” Sappho said in a sing-song voice. “She freaks and faints. It’s an ‘Ana’ thing.” She looked down at Ana again. “So when you look at Xena please don’t faint again, okay?” she told her lover.

Gabrielle gave Sappho an annoyed look and focused on Ana again.

“Here; let me help you up,” she said as she took the taller woman by the elbow.

“You don’t seem shocked by this look-alike business at all,” Ana said as she moved to her feet again.

“Actually, this happens more often than you might think,” Gabrielle giggled.

“Your laugh is even the same as hers. You-you have a sweet laugh,” Ana complimented timidly with a slight stammer.

The bard could see the other woman was nervous and even a bit mousy.

“Hey,” she said gently, “…let’s start over.” She extended her hand. “I’m Gabrielle.”

“Ana,” she said with a shy smile as she lightly shook the appendage. “Nice to meet you, Gabrielle.”

Sappho looked between Ana and Gabrielle. At first, the expression seemed like one of wariness. At least, it did to Xena. But almost as soon as the cagey expression showed itself, Sappho seemed to push it down and started to smile.

“You two seem to be hitting it off, which gives me an idea,” she said with a sexy leer. “All of us could put our room keys into a hat and then, one-by-one…”

“No,” Gabrielle said flatly once more.

“Okay, then the four of us could get together and-.”

“No,” Gabrielle repeated.

“Oh, come on, think about it,” Sappho whined. “The possibilities here are endless!”

No one seemed to be buying the idea and the poetess’ shoulders slumped in defeat. She glanced down and saw Gabrielle’s cloak on the floor. She quickly reached down to pick it up and a dagger whizzed pasted them and stuck in the wall behind the bar, narrowly missing her.

Xena and Gabrielle watched as a cloaked figure began to push their way through the crowd. They both jumped into action and Xena yelled to Aphrodite.

“Get them out of here!”

She nodded and instantly zapped them, making Sappho and Ana disappear from the room with her.

Xena and Gabrielle watched the assassin make his way toward a closed door. The duo jumped on top of a few tables and began leap frog over the human traffic in a quest to make up for the killer’s head start.

They watched him darted to the supply room door. Several moments later, they pushed their way through. When they entered, they found the place was stocked with barrels of mead and boxes of various stored items. It was poorly lit and so cramped that the aisles fit only one person walking sideways. The barrels were so high there was less than six feet of space in the high ceiling room.

Working in perfect tandem, they both stopped, neither saying a word nor moving a single step. They looked at their surroundings and simply listened. A few seconds later, they heard a shuffle to their right and nodded to one another.

Xena hooked her fingers and Gabrielle instantly put her foot inside. Xena hoisted her above the barrels and boxes while she herself took to making her way through the throng of crates. Gabrielle spotted the culprit from above in her hunched position. She worked her way over the barrels as quickly as she could, while trying not to hit her head on the ceiling beams. Xena, for her part turned the small corner only to hit a dead end.

“Son of a bacchae!” she swore, and went back in the direction she originally came. For her part, Gabrielle seemed to be making better time than Xena since she was away from all the obstructions below.

The figure was almost to the other door. Not about to let him get away, Gabrielle dove from the top and tackled him, thwarting his escape. They both tumbled to the ground, along with a couple of meads barrel – one of which opened and began to squirt, soaking them both.

Wet and alcohol-covered, the man tried to wrestle free, but Gabrielle dove on his back. She hooked her forearms around his shoulders and rolled him over. His back was against her torso, completely immobile. With his neck exposed, Xena arrived seconds later. She readied her index and middle fingers when she watched Gabrielle send two quick jabs to his throat artery.

Gabrielle released him and pushed him aside so she could squirm out from under him.

“She just cut off your flow of blood to your brain and you’ve got 30 seconds to live,” Xena warned him. “I’ll release you if you tell me why you’re trying to kill Sappho.”

The man continued to choke, but said nothing.

“Maybe you didn’t hear me,” Xena replied. “Time’s a-wastin’, Pal.”

Still, the man said nothing. He stayed on the mead soaked floor, gasping for breath.

Xena and Gabrielle looked at each other incredulously.

“Hey, buddy,” Gabrielle told him. “You’re going to die.”

“Fine,” he croaked. “Finish the job,” he said as he struggled for air. 

Annoyed, Xena made the decision and she took off the pinch.

“Who are you?!” she asked him.

He coughed for a moment, but, in between, he said, “Go to Tartarus!”

Frustrated, Xena reared back and punched the man, knocking him out cold.

“Criminals have gotten smarter in the last 3 decades." Xena released a heavy sigh. She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose as if she had a headache. "I need a drink,” she groaned.

Gabrielle turned around and cupped her hands. She let some of the leaking mead shoot into her hands and then raised it to Xena’s mouth.

After a swig, Xena nodded in approval.

“That’s damn good mead, actually. Not like the swill they serve in the highway towns.”

“That’s Athens for ya. Tons of smelly people, but tastier food,” she noted. She then nodded toward the passed out man. “What are we going to do with him?”

“Grab an arm,” Xena grumbled as she took the arm furthest from the spraying barrel.

Gabrielle looked at the barrel and the man. She was getting sprayed again. “Thanks for getting me all wet, Xena.”

“What? You’re already wet! I, on the other hand-,” she started to counter.

Gabrielle took the killer’s discarded mead-soaked cloak and flung it at Xena with a laugh. The warrior pulled the wet garment off her face and head, which was now soaked with mead too, only to find Gabrielle next to her. 

“I love to get you wet,” Gabrielle hissed in a seductive tone as she curled her arms around Xena's left arm like a coiling snake. She strategically placed the length of Xena's arm along her torso, in particular between the valley of her breasts. Xena looked down at their physical proximity and slowly began to grin. “I’m practicing my ‘Sappho’,” Gabrielle explained in her normal voice. “How was that?”

“A little too lurid; not enough euphemism, but a great first effort,” Xena complimented.

“Ya think?" Gabrielle asked as Xena just nodded. "We’ll have to practice tonight,” she added as she released Xena. She stepped back and grabbed the other man’s arm.

“I do have to say though,” Xena began as they started to drag the man from the room. “Sappho might be good at jumping on tables, but she couldn’t have pulled off your dive.”

“Thanks!” Gabrielle said proudly.

“And the pinch after the dive? Wow!”

“Ya liked that, huh?”

“I did!”

“Thanks again!” Gabrielle basked in the compliment. 

They both laughed as they pulled their ‘cargo’ from the room.

About an hour later, Gabrielle and Xena watched as the inn's handmaiden brought in another steaming bucket of water to the tub in their room.

“Is there anything else you desire?” the woman asked.

“No, thank you. We’re good,” Gabrielle replied, still standing in her soaked clothes.

The young woman nodded and left with the empty bucket. Gabrielle then locked the door behind her. She turned and grinned at Xena, who had just finished unbuckling her breastplate, unaware she was being watched. With a smile, Gabrielle ran toward Xena and began to slide on her knees. She came to a stop directly in front of Xena, her face inches away from the apex of Xena’s legs. She grabbed the back of the warrior’s thighs and began to sing.

She’s the oooone, the ooooooooooooonly one; built like an amazooooooooon.

Xena laughed and then leered down. “Not bad at all.”

Suddenly, a flash of light diverted their attention and they turned to see Aphrodite transformed in their room with a growing smile of her own.

“Obviously, you two are busy. I’ll come back.” She went to snap her fingers.

“Wait!” they both told her. Xena added in explanation, “She’s just practicing her Sappho.”

Aphrodite snorted and motioned to Gabrielle, who was still on her knees, holding Xena’s legs. 

“Practicing her Sappho? Is that a new expression the kids are using for whatever this is?” she teased as she shook her finger between the two of them.

“Aphrodite,” Xena grumbled.

“Fine," the goddess sighed, annoyed by the warrior's lack of playfulness. "I just came to tell you… that guy you threw in the local clink who tried to turn my Saffy-Poo into a pin cushion?”

“What about him?” Xena asked nervously.

“He’s dead,” Aphrodite said casually.

“What?!” They both exclaimed.  

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