Episode: Return of the Valkyrie
Subtext report, Xena Fanfiction, Xena and
Note: Many of these reports are littered with errors
because I wrote them quickly and 'on the fly' so I could post
them quicker to the 'Nutforum' back in the day.
Drop me a line at email@example.com.
Return of the Valkyrie
Our story opens
with the heading, 'One year later'.
Eric the Viking is
traveling through the bog to get to Gabrielle. Beo tells him
only her soulmate can pass. Beo shows his hand which is
crispy. Eric says he's gonna go anyway but Grendle shows up
and starts beating his men to a pulp. He refuses to call a
retreat and he dives into the flames only to be brunt. Beo
calls a retreat and promises Gabby he'll be back. They then
travel to Denmark to seek the help of King Rothgar.
When Beo and his
little new sidekick, the dude who played young Iolaus, shows
up they see a marriage ceremony happening between the King and
the future queen Wethia. The brides name is either Celtic or a
warrior princess he says upon seeing her. Beo wants to stop
the union but sidekick tells him now is not the time.
As King Rothgar and
she exchange rings Xena has a flashback to the ring that
changed her but she doesn't make the connection. She doesn't
look to keen on marrying this dude at all. Instead of kissing
him like he expects(VBG) she 'sidesteps' him and gives him a
hug instead (LOL).
The Vals are at the
fire talking. They can't understand why so many men would lay
down their life for a simple mortal like Gabrielle. Don't they
know? Gabby is the best. I love Gabby. Have I mentioned that?
Back at the wedding
feast Rothgar's sister shows up and says she would have made a
better queen than Xena…I mean…. Wealthia…(Incest is best
some say (VBG) Those crazy, cooky Vikings. Anyway…) Rothgar
says get over it - Wealthia is his wife. And if she don't like
it he'll give her the boot and kick her out of the kingdom.
He's not a nice guy folks. He goes to find his bride after the
argument and finds her looking kind of morose (LOL). He asks
what's wrong and she says she felt something at the ceremony
and he says he did too - hubbahubba - and takes Xena back into
a corner. She's not real receptive to his advances but he says
he's waited long enough to have her. He doesn't get to first
base though. Beo shows up around the corner and Roth and Beo
'catch up' - seems they are old friends. Beo says that perhaps
he and Wethia met before but Wethia doesn't think so and walks
away. Beo KNOWS it's Xena. Now all he has to do is get her
After the King and
Queen leave, the conniving 'sister-in-law' shows up and she
and Beo plot getting Xena out of the picture. There is a knock
at the door and Xena says, "Come in my lord." King
Rothgar comes in wearing the mask from the ceremony but once
it's off we see it's Beo. He tells her that Odin will kill her
if he learns she's alive and Gabrielle will never be saved. He
reaches for her but Xena throws him on the bed. At that moment
sis in law and Roth come in, 'catching' Xena and Beo
'together'. The guards arrive and he orders their deaths.
As the guards take
Xena and Beo away - Beo knocks them out telling Xena that he
needs her to save Gabrielle. Xena reacts when she sees one
guard go to strike Beo and she takes the guard down. She
begins to realize perhaps there are things about her Beo
knows. During the battle she falls to the ground and Beo
reaches for her and tells her "Told you I needed
you." But instead of seeing Beo Xena looks up to see
Gabby reaching for her saying, "I'm lost without you
Xena". Xena pauses a moment but then she sees it's Beo
and he helps her up.
They are on a boat
and Beo says he learned that Rothgar saved her from the water
and gave her a new name and essential conned her into being
his wife. Xena says she could have helped the Viking people by
being their queen. Beo tells her that her heart lies with 'the
most trusted friend the world had known' Gabrielle.
In Valhalla, the
Valkyrie are practicing and Odin says he knows Xena is alive.
He gives them orders to go to her. The sailors are now on
beach fighting over whose going to offer Xena water (LOL) -
suddenly everyone loves Xena. One week it's Gabby , next week
it's Xena. One week it's Gabby, next week it's Xena. ~Sigh~
It's such a hard life to be a sex object. Anyway Xena says
violence is not the answer and to knock it off. The Valkyrie
show up and decide to take Xena on. Peace nik Xena however
will not fight them - of course she does avoid new head
honcho's swings. Odin arrives and tells them to stop. He walks
up and 'tests' Xena out. She really is braindead (LOL). He
orders his Vals home and they ride off. He figures he'll let
Xena be so she can kill the fire and he in turn can then get
the ring. Head Val, what's her name, doesn't like that idea.
She's gonna kill Xena anyway if she gets the chance.
Xena is looking at
her wedding ring and drops it on the ground. Gabby appears to
her and tries to stroke her face. "I'm the truth of who
you are. Our souls are united." Xena leaps up and away
from her, thinking she might be a demon or the fact she's
going mad. But Gabby is gone and Beo walks in. Xena says that
this Gabrielle person must truly love her. Beo says that yes -
Gabby saved her from the evil person she once was.
The band of merry
men and one warrior princess go to the marsh. She sees the
ring and that the woman inside the flame is the one that's
been appearing to her. She's not sure if she's the one. But
Beo says the flame - Brimhilda - will recognize her as Gabby's
soulmate and she'll not be harmed. Gabby calls to her although
she's still asleep. Brim tells her "The love in her heart
burns stronger than any flame." Xena sticks her hand in
but doesn't get burnt. Before she can pass though the Vals
show up and battle the men. Head honco taunts that Xena
'sounds like one of those love sick boys that have burnt
themselves to a crisp.' But Xena doesn't take that. She kicks
her into the flame and she lights up. Beo comes to Xena and
tells her to go now or the trip is for nothing. But Grendle
shows up and shs-ka-bobs Beo through the shoulder. Xena
looking a bit freaked by the monster but Beo keeps telling her
Xena takes the leap
through the fire - when she does you can see different shots
of Gab and Xena together in the flames (pretty cool). Xena
takes her Chakram and cuts away the vines that have grown
around Gabby. She leans down and plants a very platonic kiss
on Gab's lips. The clips they show as Xena 'regains her
memory' are pretty sweet I'll admit (VBG) Gabby wakes up.
"I dreamed you'd come back to me" she told her
warrior. Xena confesses that even though she forgot she could
still hear Gabby calling to her. Gabby's hair is long!!! Of
course her bangs are still short(LOL) but we'll just ignore
that. Maybe Brim kept them clipped for her (VBG). Their
clothes are back to normal too and Xena takes the ring. She
acts like she might put it on but Gabby grabs her hands and
says 'Oh no not again.'
As the flames die
down and get sucked into the ring, Grendle approaches. Xena's
got a plan and leads the monster toward a cave.
She lets Grendle
capture her. Xena keeps telling her to open her heart and
forgive her. Finally Grendle let's go of her hatred and a big
Gabby is with Beo
and they duck for cover until they see Xena walking out of the
cave with Grendle behind her. Xena thanks Beo for all his
help. He tells her she's the greatest warrior he's ever known.
Xena says she has to take Grim back home. Gabby hugs Beo
goodbye as Xena and Grim mount up on horses. She thanks him
for saving her but he says we know that eventually Xena would
have found her and released her from the flame. He kisses her
hand and Gabby leaves, thanking Brimhilda too. Brim's voice
calls out, "God's speed Gabrielle" and disappears.
Soon she's mounting up with Xena. She holds on tight and soon
they are off flying through the sky. Gabby is holding on tight
and Xena asks if she's alright. Ahhhhhhhhhhh...isn't that
sweet (LOL) Gabby says yeah but she's not too keen on flying.
Once at Valhalla
Xena tells Odin to put Grim here in charge of the Vals. He
says he'll think of it. Xena says he better make up his mind
soon. In seconds he welcomes back Grim and they embrace. Xena
tells Gabby she's got another stop to make. She returns to the
rheinmaidens and gives them the gold. They ask, "What
magic has made Xena into such a nobel creature?" Xena
smiles and looks to Gabby who's on the shore. "It wasn't
magic." Gabby smiles at her warrior and we fade to black.
Yep folks, these gals are a couple. I don't think we'll see
anymore redshirts in Xena history (VBG). Goddess Bless
similarities between our story and classic children fairy
tales is purely coincidental.
(Now that's funny -